Help… I’m stuck in Transit Hell.

Jesus titty fucking Christ I have just had the worst transit since the Allah-Awful 40hour plus nightmare transit that was getting back from Islamabad to Brisbane in 2007…!

I woke up, it was a lovely morning, I had slept well, the sun was shining and it was looking like a good day.  I was looking forward to my flights, and hopefully a comfortable and minimum fuss transit day.  I left home at a reasonable at 0800 on Friday morning to leave via the Brisbane International Terminal.  I realised the last few international flights I have taken have all gone out via Sydney, so it’s been a while since I checked in at BNE Intl.  When I got to the Qantas counters, I saw all the usual premium check-in counters were gone.  No premium check-in line, no ‘Platinum people go here’… just a Business and StatusWhores line that lead directly to a bank of SELF CHECK IN MACHINES! The horror!

What (and I cannot stress this enough), the actual fuck is going on here?  I am flying for the first time with the P1 fanciness under my belt and I’m expecting a friendly crew member welcoming me and doing all the things while checking on my upgrade requests.  Instead there was about 8 machines, six people standing around and two confused looking staff dealing with some guys checking in a bunch of oversized ski equipment bags.   I could see no option but to use the self check-in machine, so I did.  It printed me a bag tag and some boarding passes, which I then had to put on my luggage myself (I hate those fucking stupid sticker things; if I don’t get them on crooked, I invariably end up with an annoying paper cut), and no bright orange Priority Luggage tag on it, which was sad-making all of itself.  We then had to take them over to self-drop bag check-in off area, where predictably, the luggage drop scanner couldn’t read my bag tag.  I stood there stupidly for about five minutes trying to flag down one of the three staff who walked past me all saying, ‘Just a moment, I’ll be right with you.’  

Eventually, someone came to see why the machine wasn’t working, and said ‘Oh it hasn’t read your boarding passes…’ but it had.  Fucking twice – it was only working now because I had been jostling the suitcase around trying to get the scanner to see it while waiting from someone to come sort it.

I go downstairs to get ready to go through security and through border control, only to realise that my lack of greeting also meant I didn’t have a security express pass.  I’ve marched up to the express pass lane anyway – because that’s where we go, and the staff member there stopped me and asked me for my pass… I said, probably somewhat curtly, that there is no staff up there anymore and no one gave me one.  I showed her my boarding pass and she sent me straight through – I gotta wonder why they are asking for them, if Qantas has stopped issuing them.  I go down the queue and the express lane got funnelled into a special assistance queue full of non-frequent travellers who had wheelchair and crutches, and a woman with an arsenal of liquids holding up the queue.  So standing around way longer than necessary.  My mood was now thoroughly nonplussed and heading to annoyed. 

I get to the Business Lounge and was finally greeted by a lovely lady named Maria, she was the first interaction I had with any airline staff.  She had the misfortune to ask how my morning was going.  I responded by asking her what was going on at the check-in counters… and her “Oh, I know! Everyone is appalled.”, reaction told me everything I needed to know.  Too much cost cutting, and new staff dealing with the new check-in counters.  I said, ‘We fly a lot, we fly Qantas for a predictable experience, but this has been absolute rubbish. What’s the point in having airline status if you can’t reduce your aggravation points during checkin processes?’  Maria encouraged me to write a letter… but noticeably, she did not give me an email address to send it to. 

The Lounge was quiet-ish, but overall, I’m just not feeling the love today.  Flying is a shitty experience in general and the more you do it, the less ‘fun’ it becomes.  Ticket prices are higher than ever, Qantas has posting record quarter on quarter profits, and yet, the customer experience is declining rapidly… even for people like us at the top of their loyalty program.  So what the fuck? 

I found myself thinking about the check-in BS the whole time I was sitting there: I got no, ‘welcome’ at all, no priority luggage tag, no express security pass and WOW if this is how their highest level loyalty customers are going to get treated now, they can get fucked.  ALL the touch points imaginable and no personalised anything… so why be brand loyal if all the perks are disappearing?

We are eventually boarding and thankfully everything there at least went smoothly.  Normally I get a “Welcome back Ms Borys” when I load onto the plane, and I didn’t even get that – weird. Once we were loaded and ready to go, we had 40 mins waiting at the gate before pushing back late due to undefined ‘technical issues’.  That ol’ chestnut! Eventually we get out on the tarmac and thankfully weren’t pushed too deep into the take off pattern and were in the air about 45 mins late in total.   Unexpected bonus on the plane – it was an Airbus A330 and we had wifi that would hold as long as we were over Australia… though the boys were probably wishing I didn’t have connection as I spent the time lamenting the poor airport experience. Pic for Yale who is flying cattle to Las Vegas next week!

Just after we got past Darwin, as we were heading out over the sea, an announcement came over the PA asking if there were any medical professionals on the flight.  Oh dear lord, I’ve been here before and last time it resulted in being rerouted to Bahrain and a 19 hour delay in getting where we were going.

Thankfully whatever doctors came and assessed the situation must have decided it was safe to continue our flight, but advised the Captain to get there as quickly as possible.  Pilot put the hammer down and we had a very bumpy flight and we arrived in Singapore a full hour and an bit early after leaving nearly an hour late. 

Predisposed to being critical – I had a very ordinary meal on the way here. The dessert choices always suck, so it’s cheese or cheese.

We disembarked in Singapore, and I had a slow walk through the terminal.  I know Changi is supposed to be the best airport in the world, but if you can’t get enthused for high end shopping, and don’t feel like exploring a humid butterfly garden or something, what’s the point?  
Sorry Mr K, no Tumi surprises for you this trip.

I pretty much ended up heading to the Qantas First Class Lounge to find somewhere comfortable to settle in for what was now going to be a 6 hour layover thanks to the early arrival.  The lounge was PACKED. There were loads of people in there on Fiji Air boarding passes and Cathay and lord knows what.  This place needs to be twice this size given that there are so many affiliates using the facility. 

The lounge was also a bit weird… there were staff members wandering around offering people drinks and menus, but for some reason when found a comfy spot, and settled in, I waited about 10 mins and no one had come to offer me a drink – could have been resting bitch face by this point, but I gave up waiting for a server and went and helped myself to a fridge.  Thankfully, there are also nice clean and well appointed showers so at least we can freshen up and feel more human before hitting the connections.

Wasn’t there long before being told that QF1 from SYD was going to be delayed.  Oh joy!  It was about 1800 local when I was told this, and it was due at 2150, but expected now at 2250.  Our originally scheduled departure was supposed to be 2305, so that was never going to happen and we were bound to be a solid 60-90 mins late.  I was correct and they told us we would be leaving around 0030. 

Edit:  
I don’t know wtf is going in with this flight. 
Original ETD: 2305 and arriving 0615. 
First delayed to ETD:  0030 arriving 0740. 
Now it’s saying ETD of 0100 arriving 0640…? 
How does that work?

We all dutifully left the lounge and went down to the gate for 0000 as told for a 0030 departure, only to be told we had another 30 min delay due to that famous scapegoat, ‘technical issues’ once more. None of us embarked until around 0110-ish.  No greetings and things on boarding – I know they must be a little harried, but I’ve been on way delayed flights before and the staff are usually so friendly.  Things were looking good and then nope!  Apparently we had an ‘engineering issue’ this time so that delayed us another 30mins.  Our 2305 flight was eventually pushing back at 0140, only now we had lost all places in the runway queue so we took the scenic route out to a different runway where we waited another waited another 20 mins for clearance.  

After about 35 mins of that wait, we had the Captain coming on apologetically explaining that we had lost radio comms, and had to go back to the gate to fix it.   He sounded as exasperated as I felt. At this point it is now 0225 and I’m 1hr 15mins into a cheerful WWII movie, and I am utterly exhausted.  Been awake forever. We take the scenic route back to the gate… taxing back and forth around Changi wasn’t how I was hoping to spend the wee hours of this morning at all!   I was just sitting there with fingers crossed hoping we weren’t all deplaned and sent to a hotel to wait for new aircraft!  Half of the business cabin has their jammies on and are into our second or third glass of champagne. The crew are going to run out of nuts at this rate! Not even the view of the Scoot Pokemon planes are not making this incessant waiting more fun.

We get back to the gat at 0235 – and ‘lo and behold, there is no one there to operate the aerobridge to let the comms engineers on. FFS… my <6 hour layover is now pushing well into a 9 hours layover due to arriving early and now leaving with all these delays.  It currently 0445 Saturday AM Brisbane, a full 24 hours since I last slept.

The fun it never ends… This is the plane that won’t take off!  
0330 update – comms engineers have fixed the radios and it will be 15 mins until we can try to leave again. Wonder how long we will wait on the tarmac for a place in the runway queues this time. So much for a 2305 departure, huh? 

Pushback take two finally occurred around 0340, and after another shorter wait (thank fuck!) on the tarmac, our flight just left after 0410.  Now all we want is to go to sleep, but of course the crew have all only been awake for a couple of hours, and they’re about to run their food service because that is what they do – regardless of schedule.  A late ‘dinner’ that would have been served at midnight is now being offered at fucking 5am.  I wasn’t hungry at all, but thought I’d have the mid-flight sandwich to tide me over as dinner was 8 hours ago, and breakfast was definitely 13 to 14 hours away.  

Big mistake, I should have skipped it and kept everyone away from me.  0455 – I’ve been awake for over 24 hours now and a FA smashes a glass on top on the side table. Tiny shards of glass go everywhere; all over me, my electronics, the little blanket, my seat and the floor.  She doesn’t apologise or say anything and goes away.  I start collecting the larger pieces of glass before trying to find all the little splinters (some of which I found with my fingers) and she eventually comes back with a dustpan and brush to sweep up the mess.

I’m so done with this fucking transit… I ate half my sandwich (which turned out to be served on such stodgy, two-inch thick focaccia that I couldn’t even get my mouth around it), popped a Valium and tried to go to sleep and forget the whole fucking mess.  After I woke up some four hours later, the Cabin Manager came over and introduced herself and thanked me for being a loyal customer – all very business as usual until my dead pan face and monosyllabic responses seemed to prompt a, ‘We are so sorry for all the delays.’  

At some point people start opening the windows, it looks lovely out there – I’m sure it won’t stay that way seeing we are heading to London. In February.

I didn’t know what to say other than most of my long haul flights last year were with Emirates or Cathay and I’m kinda wishing I was on an Emirates flight right now.  She apologised again and left me alone for the rest of the flight. 

We somehow magically touched down in London at 0920 – not too bad all things considered, only three hours late. Thank fuck it was a Saturday and I wasn’t working today!  I picked a splinter of glass out of my hand as we taxied to the air bridge and I deplaned with that delightful feeling of mal d’ebarquement, coupled with a sleep deprived sensation that people around me were talking underwater.  

I walked away from the whole nightmare as fast as my overtired little body would carry me.  FARK!

Further edit: Oh Qaint-arse… are you guys gonna regret sending me this!

J5 Transit back home

Time to say farewell to our gorgeous onsen suite and start the trek home. Japan is only a 9 hour flight so it doesn’t feel as never ending as a Europe or US transit, thank fuck! The end of a trip is always kinda sad, but I’m always so grateful to have been able to come and see these gorgeous towns and the beautiful scenery and enjoy the lovely food and the break from the usual routine.

As we are packing, Mr K says to me: ‘You could stay a little longer if you want to…’ Fuck! Now he tells me! Maybe next time I totally should, I could see myself tootling around another couple of ryokans or tootling about with the Messrs Stokes who are in Kyoto. Oh well, too late to change plans now.

We had a few errands lined up to deal with on the way from Hakone to Haneda, but it should be a pretty chill day hopefully – only about a 90 min drive and one we’ve done before. So fingers crossed everything goes smoothly. First to Odawara to the nearest Donki to try and find some weirdnesses to add to this year’s Christmas gifting. 🙂

Sorry, SirLee – I don’t have you in the Christmas draw this year or I would have bought a couple of bottles of ridiculously cheap whiskey. I do have one of my nieces though…. 😀 Vanilla caramel spermatozoons! What’s not to love? They even promise to make you look great on social media! 🙂

I just… what? I’ve forgotten what shopping in Japan is like.

Total retail regret: should have bought this strange strawberry heart shaped pillow home with me; even though it would have been a struggle to fit it in the luggage somewhere. 😉 It was super cute and very Japan.

I’ve been out of the cities for too long… everything feels like an assault on the senses. From the traffic lights talking to me, to the escalators and their musical singing/warnings, to just walking past some random Hello Kitty machine that is nattering in an overly kawaii voice trying to get us to buy popcorn! Argh! Take me back to the peace and quiet of the onsen towns.

Our drive to Haneda Gardens was marked by one traffic jam after another. Like seriously, our 90 min drive turned into more like 3 hours plus, in total. Once we got onto the interchanges is when the fun started… the fuel light came on in the car, and both of us really needing a Happy Room! With 27kms to drive, and the car saying we had about 36kms worth of fuel, we were desperately looking for a petrol station. Lord knows the Happy Room was likely going to be out of the question, we had passed numerous konbini before we hit the interchanges but then there was nothing but noise barriers fencing us in. If we left the highway, we could have been driving around for ages looking for fuel, and this close to the city, konbinis with car parks gets to be few and far between.

We managed to limp all the way to Haneda and turn off where we needed to on the sniff of an oily rag… range anxiety was relieved when we found a fuel station (fortuitously the one closest to our car hire return place later!), and very unexpectedly – they had a Happy Room for customers (most petrol stations here do not). Feeling much happier in spite of our 90min turned 180min drive, we made our way to Haneda Gardens to meet Yale for some late lunch before we could return the car and go check in.

When we got there – we were surprised by a show of super cars in the car park! Wow! There’s some serious money here!

Inside was an even more choice selection of fancy cars inside.

But no time to dilly dally, it’s now 3pm and sushi lunch was waiting. Favourite Haneda Gardens sushi restaurant inserted here so I can find it for next time we are in need of a sushi fix before heading to the airport!. Tsukiji Sushiko Takumi… I won’t ever remember that!

Yale chose the Uber plate of all the things.

I tried the All Tuna All the Ways nigiri platter…

Mr K had his favourite tempura donburi, and a savoury steam custard with roe and smelt and all good things.

Several beers and a good catch up later and we were soon ready to repack some final things and make our way to the airport for the overnight flight home. Mr K dropped us to the airport and then took the car back, and met us back on the concourse.

We front up to the Business check in, and I ask the lady if Yale’s business upgrade request had been successful – and sadly it had not been. So we checked our bags (three of them: 2 x 25kgs and 1 x 10kg bag), in what must be our lightest ever return from Japan. Mr K then asked the lovely staff member if he could take home a bottle of Moët & Chandon champagne that we never got around to drinking because there is so much affordable quality saké everywhere… unsurprising that! Sadly, and very predictably, she said it would be taken off us at security, so he handed it to her with a flourish and said, “Happy Birthday, we hope you enjoy this!” And off we went towards security and the JAL lounges.

Security turned into a trial… I’m rolling my eyes here, but here is a actual copy of a text I sent to a friend while waiting for the guys to sort their shit:

Oh my god… I can’t transit with these two ADHD squirrel-brained fuckers at the same time! 😵
One had a 500ml can of 196 in his carry-on so they pulled him out of the line… while he simultaneously misplaced his smart watch and had to hunt through hand luggage that looked like it was packed by a bipolar raccoon to find where he’d stashed the damned thing barely two minutes earlier! The other had six very teeny (but very stabby!) steel souvenir forks in his backpack 🙄 and we had to wait another five minutes while he rifled though that backpack which also looked like it was packed by some sort of escaped rabid lab monkey! And I’m sitting there thinking, “Seriously MFers?!” 😐 I’m the one with the titanium knee and the only one not causing dramas at security!”

Preserved for posterity!

The JAL First Class Lounge was busy, and not as calm or as nice as the one at Narita… but we no complain: saké on tap and sushi delivered to your table (though I was no longer hungry after the tuna on tuna platter earlier. It had been an unexpectedly warm day, so showers and cool drinks were much appreciated no matter what. The lounge is very stylish in a Japan meets Scandinavian minimalism kinda way.

I loved this wall near the shower corridors… it’s covered in nails and each nail has a round token hanging from it creating a design that is obviously Fuji in JAL colours.

Damn, forgot to photograph the hair dryer. 😉

Yale managed to try most of the menu… I was just keen to rehydrate and get ready to take some drugs and hopefully sleep the night away.

So, being in the lounge getting ready to fly home, of course my mind was wandering to the next trip… and I don’t mean the cruise to NZ in January (or the weekend popover to Auckland next weekend), I mean, we are back in Japan next May for the Transport and Mobility expo at Osaka 2025. I’m hoping to tack on a few days in Hokkaido, as Mr K is keen to sus out the integrated transport options for the Shinkansen between Hakodate and Aomori. Anyway… got me wondering what the mascot for Hokkaido was… and it’s this strange ‘round moss head dude’ who is always depicted with a huge package! Marimakkori is his name. I feel like photographing him with small children is almost as bad as getting a pic of your kid with Pedo-Bear… oh wait, who would do that? Right, we would.

Big dong Marimakkori! Then I saw this cartoon of him and was wondering… are those? No, surely not!

Thankfully the translation proved it to be not as obscene as it could have been! But, Japan – you never know what to expect. Point in case*:

* I can neither confirm nor deny whether I may or may not have been the one who set his Messenger nick to that at some point on this trip. LOL.

Before too long, it was time to board, and Mr K and I went straight in with our Group 1 boarding fanciness. Sadly, Yale was in cattle having missed out on his upgrade. I felt so bad, all 5’ nothing of me in the front, and 6’9” of him in the back… but as I was walking down the gangway, I saw he was held up. The ladies at the boarding switched out his boarding pass and he was given the very last seat in the business cabin after all! I wonder if it was that bottle of Moët & Chandon that won the day! 🙂

Yale looking very happy with his unexpected and very last minute wash!

We were offered a late supper, which given I hadn’t eaten in the lounge was welcome – though I have to say, the quality of the Qantas Japanese set meal seems to have gone down from last year. I can’t honestly say if it’s just my impression because we have been eating fabulous and delicious kaiseki meals on this trip, or whether it really has slipped a bit. I know Qantas domestic meals have definitely been a bit on the ordinary since Vanessa took over, (and as a shareholder I heartily approve of cost cutting measures, but as a consumer of the product, I’m all like: “Fuck you!”), so it’s possible that it’s not as good as I recall.

Flight was uneventful, no stinky feet, no crying children, not even any snoring businessmen!

Early storms in Sydney caused delays for our flight, but we made it back to Brisbane by about midday… and were met with gloriously blue skies and 29°C at home.

Hopefully, I’ll find time for a nap, and then Hatsune Miku tonight! 🙂

Transit day again – Japan!

Off adventuring again. A few days hanging out in Hakon with Yale before Mr K comes over and we get stuck into some work and some serious onsen hopping. Having this trip booked has been MAJOR motivation to stick to the rehab program on my knee and make sure I am ambulant enough for this.

Hmmm Qantas slacking off on the menu again. Lane Lois Blanc de Blanc is the sparkling wine on offer atm, and I made the mistake of noting the step down from the Grant Burge to Yale, who relayed it to his wine-snob friend, Gamer. Gamer who immediately started hanging shit on me for preferring Grant Burge! Yes, I do! To this swill… but only because it isn’t the Vintage Dom Perginon I’ve become accustomed to on Emirates flights this year! Sheeesh. When I asked when we were coming over to raid Gamer’s wine racks, I noticed he backed down pretty quick!

Made it into the Qantas First Class Lounge in Sydney and thankfully, there was some superior French offerings here… a bit of Pommeray and Tattinger. Phew that was close!

I only had some nuts with my wine on the plane, so had some salt and pepper calamari and tried a mushroom dish. Tasty, and they serve you so quickly here, which is nice.

2A.. it’s my favourite in the A330. Closer to the window than the aisle. Yes, even in business class there are ‘better seats’ on the ‘right side of the plane’.

More champagne, yes please.

Pyjamas for the people…

The Japanese set meals on the flights to and from Japan last year were really nice… this one was a little on the ordinary side. I was wondering if maybe it’s because it was prepped in Australia rather than Japan. I guess we will get a chance to compare with the meal on the way home.

Still very pretty presentation though – and there’s saké so we aren’t writing complaint letters just yet!

Arrived safely in Japan! Oh no… it’s stupid early in the morning and we can’t pick up our hire care for hours yet. But, guess who skipped breakfast so we could hunt down some breakfast sushi! This chick. Not my first 0600 arrival in Haneda! 🙂

Oh dear god – how much trouble are we going to get into!

Okay, it’s official. There are ZERO ‘on-airport’ rental cars at Haneda airport. In fact, I’m not sure the companies operating from here understand the concept, because they will tell you they are ‘on-airport’ but you’ll find they mean, ‘yeah, there’s a desk cut you’re going to need to take a shuttle to collect a vehicle’, which will e somewhere in a nearby industrial neighbourhood. Oh well, guess that means we can stop hunting for ‘on-airport’ rentals in future. Hired this cute little Nissan Kicks… nice little car actually.

The drive to Yugawara onsen, which was down the coast past Yokohama… overcast and moody.

First things first though… it’s not a road trip in Japan until your first visit to the konbini, and because it was cool and overcast (compared to Brisbane at least) that means, sweet caramel tea and curry bread! 😀 Curry bread quota: no more than one per week in country. That’s a hard rule!

“Don’t judge crime!”… but why not?

We didn’t have much of a wander around before making our way to our ryokan. We were tired, and both hoping to check in a little early… can’t wait to slip into the onsen with a saké!

The Pointy End of the Plane.

Today’s the day! The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the tank is clean! Wait?! The tank is clean! As Mr K would say. We are heading to Central Europe for a three week trip, primarily to do some work, but we have plans that will hopefully make the most of our time off so we can see lots of cool stuff and because it’s our 25th wedding anniversary at the end of the month, we have some special stuff planned also. Mr K, believe it or not, has never been to this part of the world – sure he’s been to Greenland, Qatar and Russia, Estonia, Iceland and Saudia Arablia, but never the Netherlands, Switzerland or France. So we re off on a working adventure.

To start off on the super special fun stuff – we managed to get ourselves (OMG!) first class tickets on an Emirates A380 for the long haul. Mr K’s Platinum One fanciness may played a part in this, and he mightn’t get to keep it, so gotta work it while you got it! We had the smoothest check in and progression through customs I have ever experienced, there was literally no one in security so we really didn’t need the Express Passes that came with our fancy first class tickets. We spent a little time at the Emirates lounge in Brisbane which was okay, but not as enjoyable as the Qantas First Class lounge in Sydney and definitely not as relaxing, with it’s harsh lights and uptempo music. Nice bonus though is that first class and business can board directly from the lounge to the upper deck of the aircraft.

We were boarded without any problem and were personally escorted to our ‘suites’ – not seats! – and the four staff that were looking after the people in my aisle (a total of 8 people!) came personally to greet us. First thing I was offered was champagne, but Mr K the frequent first class denizen that he is had given me a tip – say ‘no’ to the Moėt and wait until we are in the air for the 2013 vintage Dom Pérignon. Which given we didn’t really eat in the lounge, was good advice. Second thing I was asked was, ‘Ms Borys, when would you like to have your shower?’ Oh, yeah – a shower right before going to sleep will suit me perfectly.

We ended up delayed in our take off by nearly two hours, which I did mind at all, as I was busy checking out all the bells and whistles in my little sweet, but I couldn’t stop myself from thinking how a two hour delay is normally nightmarish for me in the back of the plane. I’ve done more long haul flights than I could count and with my chronic back pain, that means loading up with drugs and mentally preparing for the most horrific 20-28 hours imaginable. Adding two hours delay after boarding turns a 14 hour flight to a 16 hours of stuck in uncomfortable seats in massive amounts of pain and much grinding of teeth… but here is first class suite, it was more ‘Oh yes, pyjamas and slippers would be lovely’, and ‘A cocktail before take off? Sounds fabulous.’ I could seriously get used to this.

The two hour delay I later found out, was very unusual – we had pulled away from the stand and were starting our taxi to the runway when the Captain came over the PA saying we had to return to the gate and he didn’t make the usual vague paperwork or engineering check excuse. I later asked the cabin manager if he was able to tell me why we were delayed, and he said he didn’t know the details, but they returned to the gate and some ‘authorities’ (yes, vague is a job requirement in the airline industry) who came aboard and removed a passenger in hand cuffs, then of course the situation was further delayed as they had to remove his luggage and we had lost our spot on the runway. So two hours.

I spend the time checking out the entertainment system, the minibar, the writing desk, adjusting the seat to be more comfortable – man I am just happy as a pig in shit with any type of footrest but this was next level, it adjusts in headrest height, reclines, leg rest raises, you can move it six ways from Sunday. We also have our own little sliding doors so we don’t have to interact with our fellow travellers, let alone sit next to them… ewww! Mind you, everyone in here is in a pretty good mood – so making eye contact with anyone is immediate smiles and raising of glasses.

I have a little minibar – which I can request be replenished or replaced with alternative drinks to my preference. It also has some chocolate coated nuts and snacks – and it smoothly lifts and raises at the touch of a button with the same grace and elegance of a late ‘90s high-end, stereo cassette player. lol.

There is also a little lighted make up mirror with some refreshing face mists and moisturisers that open up in the writing desk.

A basket of in flight snacks is also on the desk, that gets refreshed after take off as this moveable basket is collected just before we take off and returned as soon as we are in the air… they even offered to customise the snack basked with whatever I preferred.

There is a complimentary little leather bound notebook and pen – the little leather stand they are in however must have been walking in the past. It’s so overwhelmingly ‘take whatever you want’ that I can see why some people might have gone ‘oh cool, the holder for these comes out, I’ll just take that too.’

There is also a largish toiletry bag full of BVLGARI toiletries – toothbrush, eye mask and earplugs also included along with hand lotion, deodorant, toothbrush and toothpaste, a bottle of parfum, and a cute little hand mirror, and a bunch of other stuff.

Here is Mr.K looking super stressed about having to be in this little suite for the next 16 hours with it’s unlimited everything!

Eventually we were in the air, and the first of about six glasses of vintage Dom Pérignon was served. Delicious and decadent! I know how much this stuff costs!

I wasn’t super hungry but if the champagne was going to keep flowing one really must eat something. Emirates FC is famous for their caviar service, so I wasn’t going to miss that. It was also served with a ‘little something the chef prepared during the delay’, a crab and appetiser and a goat cheese tartlet which was exquisite.

And of course the caviar! There was beef tenderloins, prawn linguine, seared barramundi, and more fucking choices than you can poke a stick at … but I can’t say no to the caviar. It was really good caviar – I won’t lie, I have tried better, but they were super generous with the serving and it came with a lot of lovely fixings. Went perfectly with the Dom. 🙂

There was a huge pile of it – and when I cleaned my plate, the attendant saw I had used hardly any of the breads etc and came and asked me if I would like another serve!.

Dinner and a movie later, it was time to go have a shower and get ready for bed. At the front of the first class cabin is a little round vestibule that has two shower rooms either side and a small waterfall with flickering candlelights and a teapot set out for help yourself camomile tea. I can’t believe this shit, knowing how uncomfortable it is in economy, and to be fair, Emirates A380 economy is one of the better ones out there – this is just nuts.

And then I saw the bathrooms with the showers. 😮 Oh dear lord, not only could you swing a cat in here, you could also have a party with six people in here! If it was made by Schindler’s Lifts, it would have a max capacity of 40 people written on it!

But wait, there’s more – you honestly really could hold a party in here. And did I mentioned the floor is heated? Seriously! Mr K says he thinks it’s heated with the rising aggravation and discontent of the economy passengers downstairs. Cheeky bugger.

Even though they gave us all individual toiletry bags in our little suite, and there were more little toiletries in the makeup mirror in the desk – there was even more amenities of anything you could possibly need provided in the shower room.

I cam back from the shower to find that my bed had been made up – a nice firm mattress topper was on the seat, a full size pillow and a nice fluffy duvet were all nearly folded down – weirdly, I had a pretty decent night sleep. I forgot to take a photo of the suite with the bed made up, so snavelled one off the internet:

Then it was time for breakfast- and was offered more champagne before they offered tea or coffee! Decided that a repeat of the caviar service for breakfast was probably poor form so instead order a Gruyère cheese omelette, and even though I didn’t ask for it, it came with a basket of pastries that I didn’t touch and some fresh fruit and OJ, and later sourdough toast.

Originally we were supposed to be arriving at Dubai Terminal C, which is a good half hour walk to get to Terminal A where our flight to Amsterdam was scheduled to depart from… but thanks to the guy being marched off the plane in handcuffs delaying our flight, we seemed to have scored a bump in priority and we arrived in Terminal A where a lot of the connecting flights seemed to be leaving from. Even Mr K’s habitual 0655 flight to Jeddah from here was waiting for connecting travellers. We ended up arriving at Gate A35 and leaving from Gate A34… but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. We ha an Emirates staff member collecting us from the gate and escorting us through security, and shortcutting us all the way through to the Emirates First Class Lounge, where again we would be boarding to the top deck of the plane directly from the lounge.

Hello down there! I’m sure I’ll be back in the world of the normal people soon enough!

Due to our late arrival, we had barely time to use the bathrooms and have a cold drink at the longe before we were boarding agin for the leg to Amsterdam. This time I had a window suite for this flight, which was just as spacious but felt far more private as the curve of the plane meant that the doors felt like they were going much closer to the ceiling – probably less ideal for really tall people or for or any one who gets claustrophobic in a lift, but felt really cosy for a short person like me… like having your own secret club house as a kid, but on a plane. Of course, the suite had all the same amenities, and snacks and minibar and all good things as the first flight.

… and with no delay, it was back on the Dom for what was supposed to breakfast but felt more like lunch because we had been up for hours.

Today’s flight was conveniently telling me when I should pray and in what direction.

I went through to the shower early as the bathroom behind me was occupied, and discovered the water feature is also a ‘help yourself mini-bar’ for most of the flight, and they only put it all away when there’s high turbulence or when most people are filing in to use the showers. Seriously – there is various wines, vodka, gin, cognac… I bet they wouldn’t blink if you took the bottle back to your suite to save getting up for refills.

Lunch time! Couldn’t resist… fourth glass of Dom! I hadn’t intended to have more than two more glasses of champagne, but each time Laura came to offer to top me up, I honestly couldn’t find a good reason not to accept. Oh and wouldn’t you know it – more caviar for the people.

Watched a bit of Yellowstone, had a bit of a snooze, and looked up and we were five hours into our 7 hours to Amsterdam. Was thinking I should have something to eat as we were going to be in a potentially long transit through Schiphol Airport and then even longer to get to our hotel (I was right – that sentence took two seconds to write and about four hours to execute). So I asked for the mini-sliders, which aren’t on the actual Dining Menu, but rather just on the Movie Snacks menu… Laura promised me they were tiny, so I asked for a bit of cheese on the side.

This turned out to be a bit of a mistake as she then gave me what would make a very sturdy side plate of more cheese than I could consume.

Before too long, I was called for my preferred shower time so I could arrive refreshed and next minute, there are windmills outside the window. Hello Holland.

We actually had a fairly relaxed transit through the airport and smooth run through customs, before going for what felt like a quite a hike to find the Uber pick up point… we had been warned here that cab drivers will charge a fortune, and as it was a set price Uber trip was going to be 48 Euros, (about AUD$90) to get to our hotel. So Uber it was.

It was supposed to be overcast and raining, but it was a beautiful afternoon. Let’s hope we see a bit more of this during the week.

Made it to the hotel, and in spite of our very comfortable long haul transit, we still kinda collapsed in a heap. It’ll be an early night tonight as we have an early start tomorrow.

Bangkok Adventures Await

So a few weeks ago, I decided to join yale on his annual work pilgrimmage to Bangkok, which just happened to happily coincide with some of our colleagues being in town for some planning for the FIFA World Cup Congress being held here in May, so became a fortuitous work opportunity for me also. I booked my flights through Cathay Pacific – first time flying with them, but they are a One World Partner and had the best priced Business fares at the time I was looking… and somehow the transit fairies smiled on me for like the first time in my life – I got upgraded to First Class.

I have no idea how or why this happened. I didn’t request an upgrade and neither did Mr K with his magic Platinum One fanciness. When I checked in, I didn’t even look at my boarding passes, and honestly it wasn’t until I was boarding the plane that I looked at it and saw I was in 1K and not in 12A which is where I was pretty sure I was sitting… but the lovely flight attendants led me to the very pointy end of the plane where there was only six of us in fabulous luxurious pods three across the plane.

This was actually a bit ludicrous actually – I’m only 5’ tall and had a bed that stretched to about nearly 7’. There were four windows down the length of my cubicle/pod, which means I was sitting in the equivalent space that about nine people were squished into in Economy. There was a 30” television screen, a massage function in my seat, a locker to store my things so head room isn’t restricted, and menus and wine lists as long as your arm. The foot rest also has a seat belt in case you want to have someone join you for dinner. The table that comes up out of the sideboard (yes, there’s a sideboard!) is large enough for two people to dine on. There was free flowing champagne and an excellent menu, and seeing I had foregone eating in the lounge (because I knew full well I wouldn’t get to sleep until the food service around me had stopped), I opted to have beef tenderloin and vegetables for dinner – and it was tender, juicy and delicious!

After the meal, and a quick freshen up in the enormous bathroom, (seriously, the bathroom was about the size of a six person elevator), one of the crew made up my bed for me with a mattress topper and lush duvet. I mentioned to the crew member that it felt a little warm in the cabin, and she said she was hot too and immediately dropped the cabin temp about 5 degrees, so I snuggled in under my duvet with my full size pillow and was out like a light!

When I woke up my preselected ‘light breakfast’ arrived – and I was so glad i asked for the light breakfast! The sourdough toast, with fresh avocado, scrambled eggs and smoked salmon was perfect… I had requested no pastries but they turned up anyway. Can’t fault the service or the quality at all. But soon we were landed in Hong Kong and I had to say goodbye to my cosy little pod. I could totally get used to this sort of thing!

I had a four hour layover in Hong Kong and was planning on visiting The Pier First Class lounge in HKG Terminal 1. As I was approaching the entrance, I saw two businessmen turned away being directed to The Pier Business Lounge – I didn’t realise there was two, and thought maybe it was closed. I was pretty sure I had access with my One World Emerald status, but was half expecting to be turned away like the two tailored-suited, Tumi-toting gentlemen in front of me… but no, me in my daggy Rammstein concert t-shirt and GoRuck backpack was ushered right in. LOL. If I had known, I might have dressed a little less ‘long haul comfy’. 😛

The Pier lounge was pretty fancy all round. Lush carpets, foot massages, spa treatments, showers, bar, buffet, enormous bathrooms (I mean, why?) comfy lounging spaces, quiet work spaces… and more champagne for the people – only four French champagnes to choose from though. 🙂

It was sitting in the lounge here having a cuppa watching some Lupin on Netflix, that I got the following texts from Yale – his work is moving 300 people to his conference and not our little company flying one person to Bangkok, and they have these annoying things called, ‘Company Travel Policies’ that restrict their travel options. Meaning poor Yale at 6’9” was going Qantas and travelling Economy for his transit and I was meeting him at Suvarnabhumi Airport as I was arriving just before him. After seeing this, I thought I’d tell him about my happy upgrade *after* we arrive in Bangkok!

Farewell Hong Kong – it looks to be a lovely day in the city if the clouds burn off – supposed to be 15C and clear… whereas Bangkok is supposed to be about 34C and humid when we get there.

I arrived in Bangkok, and was through immigration, bag collection and customs within like 30 mins. No waiting, no lines for anything, just straight through… and when I got out into the arrivals area I could see why – they must have about 90-110 flights landing every hour according to the boards. It was barely organised chaos. Waited around a bit longer than I had planned for Yale, who was an hour late leaving out of Sydney, but that seems on par for Sydney airport these days… Mr K and I had one domestic flight leaving Sydney last September where we were delayed nearly 6 hours – so I’m not complaining about one hour delays!

Got out to go find a cab and discovered a really streamlined and organised process in place. Line up for ‘short trip’, ‘regular trip’, or ‘large taxi’ queues that are all moving very quickly. Get to the front of the queue and press a button on a machine that spits you out a ticket – on your ticket is the cab company that will be collecting you, the license number of your cab, the name and photo of your driver including his ID number and the bay your driver is either already parked in, or on his way to meet you in. Our driver was just pulling into the bay as we got there. Awesome speedy and fair way to make sure the cabbies get moved through quickly.

They also have the cabs driving in, parking in the bay on an angle – so you walk across from the ticket machine area across a mixed pedestrian zone to your cab, load up and they drive straight out again. No cars reversing, no jostling for kerbside space. It was impressive… right up until the driver showed up a laminated cardboard sign saying it would be 800BHT to go to our hotel and he didn’t want to put the meter on. Oh FFS… why are cabbies the world over determined to rip people off?! It should only cost 400-500BHT but we were tired and just wanted to get to the hotel, check-in, have a shower and find a drink! So we didn’t bother arguing and let him take us off the meter, for the extra like $10 without a fight.

We are staying at the Shangri-La in Bangkok for the entire week, and I have to say, so far, I think it’s nicer than the Shangri-La in Sydney, the decor is lovely and matches the country and culture of Thailand, whereas it feels like a duck out of water in Sydney (bit like the Sofitel Melbourne with all their French hoity-toitiness; just doesn’t make a lot of sense in Aust). Gorgeous orchid displays in the lobby, and interesting furnishing. Our room is going to be super comfy for the week, though if I have one issue – they obviously let guests smoke here so it has take quite a few hours of the AC running for the room to smell better than it did when we arrived.

After we had showered and cooled down, we went hunting for some of yale’s colleagues to see what they were up to for dinner and we ended up at a little Michelin listed restaurant not far from the hotel having the best Thai meal I’ve ever had.

I ordered the amazing Phadthai Poo – consisting of stir fried rice noodle with eggs, peanuts, bean sprouts, tofu, garlic chive, dried shrimp, crab sauce, tamarind sauce, and blue crab meat for the grand price of AUD$14..! It was absolutely delicious. Someone at the table ordered some chicken satay sticks and the satay sauce was to die for! There must have been about 15 of us there and the entire bill came to less than AUD$400. This is definitely somewhere I would come again.

After this, some of the others kicked on at a cocktail bar, but we head back to the hotel to crash.