Ow! Ow! Fuckity Ow!

Went for my physical torture session with the physio this morning.  My poor aching neck and back is so tight and sore before she even touches me, let alone after the pushing, probing, poking and prodding starts.  It hurts, it really fuckin’ hurts… imagine your entire neck and back is covered in big ugly yellow and purple pizza bruises from being repeatedly beaten with sticks or something.  Then further imagine that you’ve decided to pay a couple of particularly sadistic ten year olds to poke you all up and down your bruised back for an hour or so with their pointy little fingers…….  Actually no.  That sounds rather more pleasant than my average physio appointment…..  sadly words seem to be escaping me and I’ve no suitable analogy, but I’ll definitely share should one ever come to mind. 

Anyway, I’m usually there face down for the best part of an hour being poked and prodded and I’ve found in the past that the more i can put up with on the table the more mobility I’ll get later.  So over the years I’ve learned not to squeal too much or they back off and therefore less benefit later.   Basically this means that I get jabbed and manipulated in severely painful ways in an attempt to regain some range of movement in my neck  which can be beneficial for such things as, oh … i don’t know.. so as to allow the ability to safely shoulder check on the drive home ??  (yeah – the drive there is always a bit of a crap shoot).   Throughout this excruciatingly painful bi-weekly ritual I am effectively biting my tongue to try not to let on how much it hurts.   The hardest thing about this…. is remembering to breathe.  

That sounds so stupid – but it’s true.  I have a tendency to hold my breath when the pain is really unbearable.   It often happens first thing in the morning when I’m trying to get out of bed.   I don’t know why but I seem to tense up all night (so much so that my thighs, calves, forearms and hands often feel tight and sore as though my entire body has been tense)  The Valium helps with this a bit, but most days it’s pretty bad which means I sort of have to roll out of bed and I end up kinda bent over from the pain, steading myself on the furniture until I can get upright.  This has been happening most mornings since the last accident and it’s been noted that I tend to hold my breath quite a lot throughout the ridiculously mundane but excessively difficult process of getting out of bed in the morning.  🙁

I also tend to do it if I have to bend down – say if I have to do something excessively difficult like… you know…  tie one’s shoelaces or pick up something off the floor and many other acutely painful situations.  :S  And yes, I do it on the physio table all the time…. so my physio is constantly telling me to relax as she tries to mobilize my joints and she is frequently heard saying things like “Breathe Borys. Breathe.”

It just strikes me that one should not have to be reminded to breathe.

School Daze

It was the Small Child’s first day at my old primary school today and I was admittedly curious to see how he would adapt to all the changes… new uniforms, new surrounds, new classmates… new teacher… new everything.  And while it was new everything for the Small Child, it turns out it was old everything for me.  Walking into his classroom took me on an instant trip down memory lane, it was the exact same room that I was in for Grade Two (and here I’m carbon dating myself) back in 1978.  Sure it felt like the room had shrunk and the black boards were replaced with whiteboards, and the desks were no longer those lift up wooden ones that you had to hold up with your head or else they’d fall down and crush your little hands, but it felt exactly as I remember it!

BigSal, Borys and LittleTish (c. 1981)

What an amazing coincidence that he was going to be in my old classroom…  and it gets better.  His new teacher Mrs W looked vaguely familiar when I walked in…. and lo and behold, turns out to be the exact same teacher that I had when I did Grade Two in that exact same classroom exactly 30 years ago!  Only she was Miss S back then.  🙂   Which is really totally cool…. and at the same time a little creepy.  🙂  Can’t wait to tell Equinom as she was in my class back then too.

So it seems like he settled in quite well and had a pretty good first day – he tells us the teacher asked lots of questions and he knew most of the answers, so he was very excited.  Now all I have to wait for is the day he ‘outs’ us as bad little Catholics by saying something like “God?  What’s that?”   (Ahem…. is it getting a little warm in here?)   I did try to carefully explain to him (okay… it felt more like I was warning him) that at his new school, the teachers may on occasion encourage the entire class to …  well… pray.  His response was (predictably) “Huh??”  

So yeah…. I’m thinking the Godless heathens tag will be stapled to our file sooner rather than later at this rate.  :S 

I want a frozen Coke!!!!

A Slurpee!  A Slurpee!  My kingdom for a Slurpee!!!! 

And the bigger the better!  Here’s one place where one doesn’t want to hear that size doesn’t matter!  Oh grrrr…. where’s Catesby when you need him.  🙁    I am suffering from desperate dry mouthedness.  It’s a side effect of one of the medications they’ve got me on and the only thing that seems to alleviate it sucking down on frozen Cokes or cola Slurpees all day ….. which no doubt is doing fantastic things for my daily calorie count I’m sure.  

Upside… the whole uncomfortable dry mouthedness things is giving me the husky/sexy phone voice from hell so if anyone wants a bit o’ good phone… call me 😉

(something tells me that Coca-Cola Amitil won’t mind me using their image)

Tree hugger by antsy pants

I went to see Juno with BigSal.   I love going to the movies with BigSal, she laughs herself silly and I often find myself laughing at her laughing… reminds me of the giggling fits we used to have as kids over the dinner table which used to annoy Dad who was trying to watch the six o’clock news.  I also forgot that BigSal is the singular worst driver of my general acquaintance and getting to and from the cinema I got freaked out more than once in the traffic.

Anyway,  Juno is probably the best movie I’ve seen in a long time.  The screenplay was excellently written about a normally sensitive topic of teen pregnancy and I hear it is up for nomination for best original screenplay at the Oscars.  The characters were engaging – witty, sarcastic, human, evocative and funny all at the same time.  Juno who was played by Ellen Page was fantastic… her performance really made the film, she was a smart arsed, mouthy little kid who, when faced with an unplanned pregnancy, displays a maturity beyond her years and decides to give up her baby for adoption.  I also love Jason Bateman (Michael from Arrested Development) and Alison Janney (CJ from West Wing) in just about anything so it was thumbs up all round.

The soundtrack was also pretty cool.  I found this version on Youtube of Tree Hugger by Antsy Pants.  I’m going to have to go out and buy it I think. 


Memalicious Nonsense

1. Have you ever kissed someone 16 or older?
Yes and on the arse in the bathtub at that…. stupid question.

2. Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an A?
Yes, lots of them… Aaron, Adrian, Angus… Amanda  😉

3. Where is your cellular?
Cellular? We call them mobile phones Down Under, and right now I’d have to ring it to find it.

4. What are you doing tomorrow?
Physio followed by fuck all.

5. Why do these surveys always have at least one number missing?
Because they’re created by 12 year olds who can’t count.

6. Ever eaten soap?
Yes… Auntie Kraylene ought to have been reported to Dept of Child Safety for that.

7. Last person to tell you “I love you”?
Angel, But from him, it’s code for “Can I have a Chuppa Chup before breakfast?”

8. Like anyone?
Only after my medication kicks in.

9. What song are you listening to right now?
No songs. Just the dulcet tones of early morning suburbian lawn mowers

10. Is there a place you would like to visit?
I’d like to go into space – maybe weightlessness could equal painlessness.

11. Have you ever fallen into a mud puddle?
No… woken up in one, but don’t remember the falling bit.

12. Do you like winter?
Love it. Love it, Love it,  Yum.

13. Does your screen name have numbers in it?
4 8 15 16 23 42… nah I cant back that up.

14. Are you in a band?
Sadly, no.  I’ve no talent for music.

15. Do you like parties?
Yep, so long as no one recycles their sangria on my bathroom floor.

16. What are you scared of?
Being caught.

17. How long have you had your blog for?
June 2oo5 and I doubt there’s one sensible concept in it ?!?!

18. If you could have sex with a celebrity, who would it be?
Sean Connery… wrinkly sex = hawt!!!

19. If you could own a monkey, would you?
Certainly not. I’ve seen half the Simpsons helper monkey episode.

20. Do you own anything from American Eagle?
No, but they have an ‘undie guide’ on their website, so they can’t possibly be as evil as your average American corporate monstrosity…

21. Do you listen to rap?
Rarely… it only encourages them.

22. Do you listen to country?
Once.  On a bus travelling through Greece and I had no choice in the matter.

23. Favorite Disney movie?
Crash (under the Miramax label but they can’t fool us – it’s still fucking Disney) Starring James Spader and it’s about people who get their rocks off from car crashes.

24. Is your room clean?
Well of course.. and don’t even think about moving anything.

25. Do you have any best friends?
Not anymore… I think I failed to make the balloon payments and they foreclosed on me.

26. Do you have any siblings?
Yes, one’s in pizza and the other’s in insurance.

27. Do you get along with them?
Sure – we can have our pizza and insure it too…

28. Do you regret anything?
I regret not scruffing Alan M. when I had the chance cos I was under the misguided impression that I was a good little Catholic girl.

29. What are you excited about?
Would you believe an impending appointment with a Pain Management Specialist? Sad as that is…

30. Are you an artist?
Yes, thanks to Monsieur Marcel Duchamp I can call my inane doodling ‘art’.

31. Do you have an addiction?
You’d think it’d be drugs of some sort, but it’s actually Frozen Coke and Fruit Tingles

32. Favorite swear word?
It’s too fuckin’ hard to fuckin’ figure out which fuckin’ swear word is my fuckin’ favorite… but fuckit, its probably ‘SHIT’.

33. What did you do today?
Sat on a heatpack, tormented a six year old, downed handfuls of pills, craved Frozen Cokes, watched a documentary about children growing up in brothels, cooked homemade pizza, Hurrah.  

34. Are you enjoying life?
Sometimes… say between 1:17pm and 1:32pm… on every second Thursday.

35. How many pillows do you sleep with?
One,  But I simply must have seven on the bed for aesthetic purposes only.

36. Do you have sex dreams about celebrities?
Don’t know.  I like to think I do, but just don’t remember them because I’d be embarrassed by my wanton behaviour!

37. Do you like hugs or kisses?

38. Is the glass half empty or half full?
The top half is empty. The bottom half is full.

39. Do you hate anybody?
Doctors who don’t seem to ‘get’ chronic pain.

40. Are you happy right now?
In fleeting moments here and there,  But as soon as you recogise it, it’s gone.

41. Plans for Saturday?
Can’t think that far ahead ATM.

42. What’s on your mind right now?
Is it too soon to take some more pills, and how can I con some one into going out for frozen Cokes???

43. How big is too big?
Depends if your talking about slices of cheesecake or massive penises.  One sixth and eight inches respectively.

44. Been embarrassed in public?
I once peed my pants at school when I was five and had to go to the office for the ‘lender undies’.

45. Miss someone?
Only once… but I usually get them on the second go.

46. Have you been in trouble with the cops?
Nah, only good girls get caught.

47. Where were you born?
Toowoomba.  But I was smart enough to get out when I was 3 mths old.

49. Are you confused about anything right now?
Constantly – but I blame it on the drugs.

50. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
I try not to let the hand cuffs chaff to much…  😉

Shanghied from Avitable..