Coming home this afternoon from the shops on the Gateway (to fucking hell!!) Motorway, we happen to see on the northbound lanes a horrific mass of twisted cars and trucks. I saw two semi-trailers and two smashed cars… one of them a 4WD that was well and truly windscreen deep into the back of one of the trucks and I’ve since heard that there was three semi-trailers and four motor vehicles involved in the crash. Luckily, and amazingly everyone appears to have walked away from the incident.
It put chills up my spine and made me want to burst into tears, throw up and run away, though not necessarily in that order. And yet here I am preparing to head off to Rowany Festival which is a not insignificant drive away down our nations highways. Driving past that I was ready to pull the pin and I’m holding it together but another incident on the way down and I don’t think they’ll be able to get me back into the car.
You’ll probably find me stranded in bumfuck nowhere south of Coffs Harbour rhythmically rocking myself from side to side on the shoulder of the road somewhere saying "there’s no place like home… there’s no place like home…"
Aren’t I just a happy little bundle of emotional baggage lately. Oh snap! That’s why I stopped writing in this thing 🙁
PS – Happy Easter…..
Okay. At what point am I going to stop having emotional reactions to hearing that friends, even very old friends that I haven’t seen in years, are having families and popping out babies left right and centre?
This is getting to be truly bizarre. I was on Facebook (as you do) and was popped (Facebook chat ‘pops’ rather than MSN, which ‘pings’) by an old friend… well old friend is kinda not quite right either. I was once engaged to her brother so I am not sure what that makes us. She was about ten years younger than we (her brother and I were) and I doted on her, she was the coolest little kid – now not so much with the little kid bit, she’s married with four children, runs her own business with her husband and works in HR for some company she told me but I can’t remember….
Anyway, she ‘popped’ me about an hour ago on the hideously unreliable and shitty Facebook Chat thing and told me that her brother, my ex-fiance (my doesn’t that sound like I have a furtive and interesting past!?! 😉 has two little daughters and his wife, is expecting again. Twins, nonetheless. I should be happy for him… but instead I’m sitting here still thinking – why is it so fucking easy for everyone else? It just does my head in that I’ve been off the IVF merry-go-round since what… about late 2005, and yet my thinking is still stuck where it was five years ago. When does it go away?
In the middle of the night… I went walking in my sleep.. through a valley of fear… to a river so deep…
and I don’t remember the rest of the lyrics.
No that’s not what happened. In the middle of the night, I got up and purposefully strode towards the air con controls in the back hallway because it was hot in the worm Bernard (read: my room was rather warm and the air rather still) to see what the temperature was set on… and totally forgot about the large boards we have placed in the kitchen to hinder the new puppy from getting into the living room areas without supervision.
Which resulted in me falling over at approx 1.20am onto my hands and knees. So what? Well, having a wee spill of that nature shouldn’t bother anyone too much I guess… give you a bruised knee perhaps. Unfortunately that was not my experience. I feel rather heavily on my hands and immediately felt nauseating pain shooting up my shoulders and neck… and it doesn’t seem to have settled down some 18 odd hours later.
It better calm back down to it’s usual dull roar soon or I am so fucked …