Every little piggy’s got a heart.

Now I understand that bacon is a staple on the food chain for many peoples who seem to live on the internets for reasons I don’t begin to fathom but for me personally it’s … okay ocacionally I guess.  Rarely do I go out of my way for pig products at all, though we do seem to have ham for sandwiches and the like in the house most of the time – but I feel that hardly constitutes a particular porcine affinity or a specific swine style relationship.

keep calm and dont sneeze

In the middle east of course they have a long time honoured and tradition heavy relationship with pigs so I was interested to note that Egypt is set to slaughter every damn pig they can get their hands on by the sounds of it… somewhere estimated between 250,000 and 400,000 piggies.  Given that there’s no current scientific argument pointing towards this being necessary to halt the ‘impending swine flu pandemic’ – that’s an awful lot of pork on your fork for a region that don’t really dig on no swine as a rule.

Wonder what they’re going to do with all that dead pig!?!?!?!

Playing handsies… or not.

I went to get my nails done this morning which is rapidly going from being a small indulgence to something I hate.  I don’t follow fashion, I haven’t been to a hairdresser since 1995 and I don’t have a shoe habit so I figure my nails are my one thing that I allow myself because I like having manicured nails (long drawn out and unnecessary explanation omitted but can be found here if anyone wants to psychobabble my ‘hand thing’ or is just plain bored enough).

Anyway, the best nail tech in the shop moved on some time ago and I’ve been basically having different people do them for me since.  Problem is… plenty of them can do as nice a job as she did but none of them are as fast. 

I used to be in and out of there in about 40mins flat and now it seems to be anywhere between 60-90mins.  ‘So what?’ one might say.  Well actually it is a very big deal for me because I can’t sit still that long.  My back and neck are not at all forgiving at being forced to be so sedentary for that extended a period and on occasion I’ve had to leave with my nails half done and once other time I took off for half an hour and had to come back to have them finished.

I’ve heard all sorts of stupid stories of how much pain women endure in the name of beauty but I’m not talking about plastic surgery or brazillian waxing here… I’m just talking about getting a manicure which shouldn’t be inherently painful!   Honestly this is getting to the point where I am asking myself if it’s worth it. 

I really like having lovely feminine looking hands with manicured nails… but I can’t stand the ramped up back pain it’s causing me  🙁

Frakkin’ toasters.

Is it only Tuesday?  I wanted to write on Sunday night about a performance art piece I did on my front lawn but then got distracted by …. ummm …. tits!    *shrug*  I don’t know… can’t remember too easily distracted to remember what distracted me.

I was having a rather heated discussion with Mr K about how he perceives that I have a tendency to get a picture in my head of ‘how things should be’ and won’t budge from that picture no matter what.  In particular this was in relation to IVF and how he felt I had always had this ideal in my mind of what our family should be and he felt this is why I continued on IVF for so long and with such dogged determination.  He also seemed to think that I’ve never been able to just accept the way things are and that having the one Small Child was pretty damn good and he felt that I’ve never been happy with the way things panned out.  He also pointed out that he felt I went into every new cycle with a fatalistic negativity that it was never going to work and it was probably this combined with other external factors (such as how it was sending us broke and how my family was dealing with my Dad and MND) that probably contributed significantly to the continual failures.

He’s probably right on some counts.  I am very focused and determined when I put my mind to something and am rarely dissuaded from my chosen course of action voluntarily.  Yes, I am quite aware that I am a stubborn bitch when it comes to the things that are important to me.  The negativity he felt I was displaying was really me attempting (probably rather poorly) to manage my expectations.  You see, the IVF co-ordinators tell you to see counsellors all the time, particularly after you’ve had a lot of failed cycles and one of the things those counsellors keep telling you is to try to be ‘realistically optimistic’ – it’s like some sort of fucking mantra with those people.  Being ‘realistically optimistic’ is just a euphemistic phrase really that means "don’t go getting your hopes up too high so as to avoid crushing disappointment month after month".  So to-may-toe… tom-art-toe on that one.

But at some point during the conversation he made an analogy to my always having a perfect picutre in my head and not being able to accept what I have or what could be achieved now… to how I make purchase decisions.  In particular he compared it to how I shop for appliances.  Yes… men (and this one on that day) really are capable of being that fucking stupid sometimes.  My attitude towards IVF and my desire for a perfect white picket fence nucelar family is the same as my reluctance to buy an appliance for the home that doesn’t totally suit ‘my picture in my head of what we need’…. apparently!!!   In particular he mentioned how I’ve been ‘dithering’ over buying a new toaster because ‘the perfect one I wanted was too expensive and that I’d rather go without than accept something less that what fits the picture in my head’.

It’s not a tumour… it’s a toaster.

He tells me that my reluctance to buy a sub-standard item is due to my inability to accept anything less than that which is perfect.  At which point, I guess it’s safe to say I … err… went bat shit crazy for a bit there.  Oh. My. Gawd!!!  Comparing how I coped with one of the most difficult challenges of my adult life to how I choose to buy household appliances?  Is he on fucking crack?!?!?! 

Naturally… I replied very calmly that I feel my consumer habits are very considered and savvy… and yes I do have a tendency to shop around to find items that will best suit my needs and I also tend to then choose products that I feel are going to be of sufficient quality to satisfactorily perform their designed function for the maximum duration possible and preferrably for the best prices available.   Read – I told him I don’t like buying fucking cheap arse crap for the house and am normally happy to wait for good quality stuff to come on sale rather than waste good money on shite that will die as soon as the warranty expires and what’s wrong with trying to be thrifty and save a bit of money anyway?!?!?

At which point there may have been some slamming of doors and driving off in a huff to return half an hour later with the ridiculously expensive, brand new toaster in hand which was rapidly unpackaged and pluggged in and the old (still fucntioning I might add) toaster was then turned into a well executed defenestration performance art piece which and subsequenly an installation exposition item of sorts on the front lawn….

… where it yet remains.  Viewings by appointment… price on application.

Maybe I should just stick to the hot wax parties.

I’ve been out to the shops today which usually puts me in a foul mood before I even get there knowing that I’m going to have to stand in queues while my back screams at me, deal with annoying sales people and often not be able to find what I want anyway.  It was one of those necessary trips to pick up a few grocery items, some things for around the house and some business shirts and some headphones for Mr K.   Before we’ve even left the house I know this isn’t going to be fun 🙁  We get some shirts on sale and then wander over to the small appliances area to buy an epilator.

I’ve been looking at them for a little while and being the OCD little consumer that I am – I’ve had a look at all the brands, searched the internets for reviews and talked to some of the people at the specialty stores about them.  I had decided on a Braun Silk-epil Xelle based largely on what the CHOICE website had to say and the first hand info from the ladies at the Shaver Store but it was a little cheaper at Myer so I decided to get it from there.  I’ve wandered up to the shelving where all the models are on display and I pick up the item I wanted at which point a rather brash and outspoken saleslady comes up and says –

Sales Nazi:  Hi can i help you?
Me:  I’m good.  I just want to buy this Braun epilator.
Sales Nazi:  Oh that one is okay but this Emjoy one is much cheaper and just as good.
Me:  Yes I looked at this one but all the reviews I’ve read say this Braun one is much better for fine hair.
Sales Nazi:   Oh no.  This one if great, I’ve used one of these forever. That one is much dearer and they’re all pretty much the same you know.
Me:  That one actually has a metal on metal tweezing action and this one is metal on plastic which is much more effective if you have fine hair.  As I’m not particularly hirsute this one will suit me better according to what I’ve read on the CHOICE website. 
Sales Nazi:  They all pretty much do the same thing.  That one has the silly levers on each side which do nothing and that’s the reason why it is dearer.  It is exactly the same as this one only way more expensive for no real reason.
Me:  Those ‘levers’ are guides that allow the epilator to move over the contours of the skin more readily in the same way that a men’s razor tilts and flexes.  It’s designed to allow the epilator go better over knees etc so you don’t have to go over the same spot again and again.
Sales Nazi:  Nonsense!  They don’t do anything!  (she says with a smile.  no shit.  is the stupid woman listening to herself?  she’s trying to talk me out of a product that is $60 dearer?!?!?)
Me:  Very well then.  If the one I have chosen is no good I will take my purchase elsewhere.
Sales Nazi:  Wait?  What? 
Me:  Well… I have done my research and decided which product is going to best suit my needs and you are standing here literally berating my decision and trying to sell me an inferior product when I’ve already ascertained which one I want.  I did not ask for your help nor did I solicit your opinion.  So seeing that you disapprove of my choice I am going to take my purchase elsewhere.  (Yes I really do talk like this when I’m annoyed.)
Sales Nazi: (having the good grace to turn a charming shade of red)  I’m really sorry I didn’t mean to be inteferring, I was just trying to help.
Me:  I didn’t ask for your help.
Sales Nazi:  Well… ummm…  this one you have chosen is a very good brand too. 
Me:  I know.
Sales Nazi:  If you want this one I can ring that up for you straight away and I’m really sorry if I offended you.
Me:   Well yes.  I do want it.  It’s on  special isn’t it?
Sales Nazi:  No.  (pauses)  Err.. Yes. Yes… let me just check… I think that one is on special.

At which point she rang up my purchase whilst continuing to make further inane apologies as I stared at her in silence.  I know one should be more gracious but I have gotten better at handling my irritation at annoying retail situations – I used to write vitriolic letters to companies informing them about the complete incompetence of their staff and now I just rant on my journal instead.  But… if any of you happen to see Julie at the Small Appliance counter in Myers at Carindale…. feel free to give her a kick in the shins for me.

hotwax drip party seal hair removal

So I wish I could dance

Couple of years ago I started swing dancing for fun and fitness and it was – a tonne of fun and a really good aerobic workout to boot.  Since the car accident in Nov 2007 I haven’t been able to go anymore.  My back would occasionally arc up after swing dancing even BEFORE this most recent accident.  It would usually happen if one of my dance partners had done something silly like push you when they were supposed to pull you and then you’d get an awful pain shooting somewhere it most certainly should not be.

If I danced with the one partner or with the experienced dancers only it wasn’t too bad but given that dancing with learners occasionally gave me problems before I know that trying it now would be downright stupid.  🙁   Since I’ve been so inacting with my crunchy neck problem that flares up even just on walking there’s no way I can go swing dancing.  I’d likely end up flat on my back for half a week following chugging down on pain killers if I were stupid enought to attempt it. 

The tender manner in which I am forced to walk and the horrid nausea that accompanies a wander of more than about 100m definitely indicates that dancing for fitness is probably right out it.  When the crunching gets really bad I have to look as far down as possible to the point where my chin is right down on my collarbones to stop feeling like I’m giong to chuck up.  Stairs are even worse.  I can’t climb a flight of stairs without the crunching immediately causing the gag reflex  🙁

I’d really like to go back to dancing but given the difficulties that I have when walking and going up or down a flight of stairs… I don’t really anticipate there will be any dancing in my foreseeable future.