I’ve stayed behind to day to potter around the cottage and try and rest up. I’m exhausted… partly because I’m not sleeping so well on an unfamiliar bed and partly because I’m not used to spending so much time with people who aren’t my family.
To a certain extent I often feel like I am ‘on show’… to borrow a phrase from my old Disney Store days. We used to have a personaor attitude that we were encouraged to adopt when we were out on the floor and dealing with the customers – everything we did and everything we said needed to exude an atmosphere of fun, happinness, childish innocence and play. Often when I’m with people a lot I feel like I’m ‘on show’ because I subconsciously seem to put a lot of fucking effort into trying to appear as though I have all my ducks in a row.. which means I often feel like I spend a lot of time and energy pretending I’m okay.
I think it’s because I don’t want people to worry about me and also becasue I don’t want people to think I’m lazy or not hard working. And I dont want to be percieved as weak or I dunno… incompetent? useless? non contributing? It shits me to tears that I know people who can work and they either don’t or don’t want to… and I desperately want to get back to a normal life where I can look after myself, my family, my house but I CAN"T. 🙁
So feeling crap today particularly because I’ve been hanging out with Narc and Yale so much and I think I’ve been trying so hard to act like everything is okay when it really isn’t. 😐
After yesterday’s big day out I didn’t feel up for much today so we went for a bit of a pottering drive in the local area in search of possums. Found a strange little place in the middle of nowhere not far from Ashburton I think called the Tin Shed.
The possum fur is made from culled possums which were introduced to New Zealand and are officially a pest as they compete for food sources with local animals that are now endangered. So I guess if they have to go around trying to cull pests that are threatening indigenous species it’s pretty cool that they’ve managed to turn it into an industry that provides jobs and products for the local communities to gain benefit from…/
We hit the mother loade on possums at the Tin Shed and I found a lovely poppy red and a gorgeous periwinkle blue for Mum and BigSal as well as scoring a very useful black one and a purple/grape coloured one for myself that I simply couldn’t leave on the shelf! I’ve always loved the possum I have already – I take it anywhere I might get cold on the neck and shoulders…. the cinema, out to dinner, friends place. A warm neck is a less painful neck.
So score on the possums – four in the post heading home as we speak.
The boys overdid it a bit on the mountain yesterday so we’re going for a drive down the coast to check out some of the scenery. One of the strangest things I saw when I was in New Zealand in 2005 with my family was the Moeraki Boulders so we thought we’d head off down that way. Stopped in Geraldine to start the great possum hunt…
On my last trip I bought a shawl made out of merino wool and possum fur and it is the most wonderfully soft and warm and of course I’ve been asked to bring some home for my Mum and sister. Saw one today in Geraldine and nearly fell over at the price. Will have to keep looking…
Anyway we went down to the Moeraki Boulders and the boys were suitably impressed and we also popped around the corner to peninsula to have a look at the lighthouse which was fun in an alarming kinda way – we were right out on the edge of a rather steep descent and the wind was so strong you could lean into it without falling over. In my book that is quite alarming at the top of a cliff.
We tried to go to have lunch at Fleur’s Place in Moeraki but they were closed on Tuesdays though we know not why. We ended up having lunch at the small information/gift shop at Moeraki which I only mention because they had the BEST seafood chowder ever which was a nice surprise in what is effectively a tourist trap where they have captive diners.