Posted to the surrogacy Forum this morning:
One of the wonderful surrogates in the FB Group suggested I write out our ‘ideal surrogacy’ journey, as this can be a way for potential gestational surrogates to connect with someone who needs exactly what they feel they have to give! 🙂
Okay, so obviously thinking in ‘ideals’ and perfect scenarios, means that everything is open to negotiation! Because if IVF and infertility teaches us anything, it is that life is rarely fair, and never deals out the ideal! So take this with a grain of salt because we totally know that nothing ever works out the way you want it to. 😛
Ideally, we would enter into a gestational surrogacy arrangement in Australia, and be able to use our own FS in Brisbane whom we know and trust; with a wonderfully generous woman who is willing to help us. Sometimes it seems like it might be ‘easier’ to go the overseas route, but we are not sure about knowingly entering into something that is clearly illegal in our state (Qld) 🙁 … we are keen to do things legally if at all possible.
Ideally, our gestational surrogate would be willing to spent some time getting to know us over the next several months… we would want to maintain a connection with the birth mother (how close that connection ends up being, would need to develop organically), in order that any child might have the opportunity to meet and know the woman who enabled them to come into this world. For example, if we met a wonderful surrogate soon, ideally, we would look at doing a transfer in Dec 2014/Jan 2105…?
Ideally, our surrogate angel will have had a child/children of her own, or through some other means, fully understands the gravity and importance of what it means to go through a pregnancy and give a gift of this magnitude to someone else, and is mentally prepared for handing over a child to the intended parents in waiting in the wings. I think this must be very difficult.
Ideally, our surrogate miracle worker would understand the limitations of the legal framework that surrounds surrogacy in Australia, and would abide by any agreements (as we would). It would be our worst nightmare to enter into a surrogacy agreement only to have that surrogate change her mind and decide to keep our child. 🙁 I think that one scares us all.
Ideally, we would want to be very involved during the pregnancy and offer as much support as we can. At the same time though, I would not want to smother our surrogate angel, so would ideally love to meet someone who is able to help us find a happy balance – someone fond of (and capable of) open, straightforward communications; someone who is able to tell us exactly what they need, and is also capable of telling us to back off if we are too attentive! 🙂
Ideally, our surrogate wonderbug would live close by so that we could offer assistance, and so that the baby could be born in a hospital local to us. Mind you, this seems unlikely somehow. So, if we found an amazing surrogate who lived far away, I’d love to be able to help them figure out their preferred birth plan at their local hospital etc.
And last but by no means least, ideally our surrogacy journey would lead us to forming a long lasting friendship with our surrogate and her partner (if she has one). I often think of my friendships as being as important as my family members and I can’t imagine going through something like this with someone and not coming out the other side with a special bond.
So that’s us thinking out loud in ‘ideals’, last night, and it probably makes not a bad jumping off point. We are not sure if it is of any use to anyone? But we are an open book … so feel free to ask us anything! 🙂
Thanks for reading.