You gotta laugh.

So yeah… this is funny. 

I had my mobile phone with Goliath (who I worked for briefly last year) since 1994.  I never had problems with reception, global roaming was easy (so long as your wallet could handle being sodomized).  Admittedly the bills were generally far too cunning to be understood… but on the whole the service ‘worked’ fine.

It’s been approx four days since I switched providers and signed on with The Other™ telecommunications company and lo and behold –  they have a cable cut which happens to coincide with some sort of card failure on their back up system that causes a STATE WIDE outage for mobile phones, internets and landlines for some.  It also caused outages for people whose providers piggy backed off he Other™ provider’s network. 

Medicare facilities were down.  Banks were unable to process transactions.  Hospitals were off line.  EFTPOS facilities weren’t working.  ATMs were rendered useless.  Airport checkins couldn’t access their systems.   Fun and games for the whole family I say.  You’d think that all hell would break loose and that you’d be having aggressive and pissed off customers all over the place… but mostly the people I spoke to  yesterday found the whole thing amusing really.

Still even though the lack of service rendered my iPhone useless for the duration I find that it’s intrinsic sexiness was not diminished by it’s inability to function as a phone!!!   😛

Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine!

Hmmm… Iced VoVos.  I have a packet of Iced VoVos in the cupboard…. and I wanna open ’em, but I know the minute I do, the boys are gonna scoff the entire packet in a day or two… tops.  My old boss, Guz used to buy Iced VoVos special for me at work but whenever I opened up a packet, I’d have one biscuit and then when I came into work the next day there’d be a brand new packet on my desk cos the guys would have eaten the entire packet after I left for the day.

iced vo-vo

Why do guys go for the Iced VoVos??  They’re such a granny sort of biscuit all pink and fluffy… so why do they seem such  favourite with the men?  I remember once when I was little, my father was home for the day because his work had gone on stike…. and he was pissed off about having to stay home when he had so much work to do and was also pissed off about losing a days wages while the Union made their point.   And what exactly were they on strike for?  Goliath (the same Goliath telco that I ended up working for last year)  used to have tea ladies that came around their offices each day with cups of tea and bikkies for all the guys and it seemed that ‘management’ had recently decided to ditch the tea ladies and their bikkies which mean no more Iced VoVos for the boys.   My Dad spent that day thumping around in his bloke cave being pissed off about having to go on “strike over Iced bloody VoVos”.

So now I’d love an Iced VoVo with my cuppa, but if I open ze packet, I pwredict zere vould be nune leff in ze morning!

Surreal Conversation Number 56

I went to the OB/GYN today…. which in itself is not an out of the ordinary experience I’ll grant you… especially given that I have spent years on IVF treatments which required uncountable gynaecological procedures!  I should be used to it by now, yes?

Well today… I was on the table, in the most indecorous of recumbent positions (you know what I’m talking about, girls), and had a conversation that went a bit like this….

Gyno:   So…. Borys…. what sort of work do you do?
Me:   At the moment, I’m a Wireless Broadband Consultant for Goliath….
Gyno:   Oh, right… you support those new blue USB modems thingys do you?
Me:   (hesitant) Err … yeeessss…
Gyno:   You know… I was down the Gold Coast over the weekend, and l couldn’t get my thing to connect… all I kept getting was ‘page cannot be displayed’…..

Oh please!  Give me a break!  Is it really appropriate to pump me for IT support while you’re down there?!?!?  How embarrassment…

So much worse than trying to make small talk with your dentist!  🙁

conversation awkward girl woman infertility

Wet week brings out the wankers

It’s been wet all week – and people are bored and staying indoors – people that probably are normally out and about and doing stuff other than playing on their PCs and harrassing their ISPs.  I’ve had eejit after eejit this morning and I’ve only been here for two hours!  One person I actually asked ‘what sort of modem do you have?’ and I got the answer ‘windows XP’ !!!  Nice huh?  Guess I should be glad he knew that much….

Cust: My internet isn’t working
Me: Ok.  What kind of connection do you have, ADSL, cable, wireless?
Cust:  Ummm… Goliath
Me: Ok. What kind of equipment do you have, a little blue box, a black one, a white one
Cust:  Dunno, it just doesn’t work
Me: Do you know your username, your Goliath email address, or have an account number at all, it will be on your bill
Cust: M…A…S…E…..
Me: [email protected]?
Cust: nah……[email protected]
Me:   Ok, do you have a Goliath email address or bill handy

****** 10 mins of rustling around whilst cust looks ********

Cust: Nah …dunno
Me: Ok… are you near your computer?
Cust:  Nah
Me:  Ok, can you get to your computer?
Cust:  …  Suppose so
Me: Thankyou:
Me:  Do you  have anything like a blue/black or white box near the computer?  Do you have anything plugged into a phone line or a cable at all…**giving various examples**
Cust:  Dunno…umm…nah…..the phone doesn’t work
Me:  So you dont have dial tone…?
Cust:  Dunno….my computer is my phone.
Me:  Ok, can you have a look around for me a see if there is anything that has lights flashing on it  blah blah blah
Cust:  Nah……it just doesnt work.
Me:  Sir, do you actually have a internet connection with Goliath
Cust:  Umm..dunno…ummm…..nah…dont think so……

****** Cust hangs up *********

I’m too lowly paid for this shit!

I hung up on a customer today!   😮

First time I had a caller that I just did not want to deal with.  The guy had bought himself a  self install broadband kit and obviously knew absolutely nothing about computers or networking.  He’d been apparently experiencing some difficulties an by the time he got on the phone he was angry and aggressive right off the bat.  I let him rant a little – as you do – and then started to try and find out what the problem was.  Sounds like he probably had a stupid username and password issue that wasn’t allowing him to complete his install, but he was so frustrated he was just going off his nut.

He didn’t seem to be able to stop himself from raging, and he kept on ranting on about ‘fucking Goliath’, and how he was ‘sick to fucking death of fucking Goliath’ and ranting about how he ‘should’ve fucking known better than to sign up with mother fucking Goliath broadband’.   At which point I asked him politely to ‘please stop swearing’, that I was ‘sorry that his install was proving more difficult than he anticipated’ and I would ‘prefer that he would please stop swearing at me over the phone, and tell me what the problem is.’

Which I thought would have caused a normal person to reassess their attitude, but this guy then turns on me directly and starts in on me!  ‘All you people care about is getting our fucking money … none of you fucking idiots on the phone ever help, and it’s never anything but problem after fucking problem with you lot!’  

Now….. I’m not particularly enjoying my job of late, and I think this is largely stemming from the fact that the call centre is closing down, and we are all losing our jobs, and most of my colleagues whom I could stand for more then 5 minutes together have all abandoned the sinking ship…. so when I normally would have tried to talk him round…. I found myself saying rather tersely ‘Would you kindly refrain from resorting to profanity when addressing me, if you are indeed in any way shape or form capable of doing so.  Should you continue to rail against me in this manner, I will cease to assist you and terminate this call.’

Okay… I admit, had I uttered my threat in a variant of the English vernacular that this moron could comprehend, he might have wound his head in, but instead I got a ‘Don’t you fuckin’ talk to me like…’

Sigh…… Click!!!!