Wet week brings out the wankers

It’s been wet all week – and people are bored and staying indoors – people that probably are normally out and about and doing stuff other than playing on their PCs and harrassing their ISPs.  I’ve had eejit after eejit this morning and I’ve only been here for two hours!  One person I actually asked ‘what sort of modem do you have?’ and I got the answer ‘windows XP’ !!!  Nice huh?  Guess I should be glad he knew that much….

Cust: My internet isn’t working
Me: Ok.  What kind of connection do you have, ADSL, cable, wireless?
Cust:  Ummm… Goliath
Me: Ok. What kind of equipment do you have, a little blue box, a black one, a white one
Cust:  Dunno, it just doesn’t work
Me: Do you know your username, your Goliath email address, or have an account number at all, it will be on your bill
Cust: M…A…S…E…..
Me: [email protected]?
Cust: nah……[email protected]
Me:   Ok, do you have a Goliath email address or bill handy

****** 10 mins of rustling around whilst cust looks ********

Cust: Nah …dunno
Me: Ok… are you near your computer?
Cust:  Nah
Me:  Ok, can you get to your computer?
Cust:  …  Suppose so
Me: Thankyou:
Me:  Do you  have anything like a blue/black or white box near the computer?  Do you have anything plugged into a phone line or a cable at all…**giving various examples**
Cust:  Dunno…umm…nah…..the phone doesn’t work
Me:  So you dont have dial tone…?
Cust:  Dunno….my computer is my phone.
Me:  Ok, can you have a look around for me a see if there is anything that has lights flashing on it  blah blah blah
Cust:  Nah……it just doesnt work.
Me:  Sir, do you actually have a internet connection with Goliath
Cust:  Umm..dunno…ummm…..nah…dont think so……

****** Cust hangs up *********

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