Anzac Day again

Always one of the saddest days of the year for me.  I can’t remember how many Anzac Day services I’ve been to but this year may well be the frist time I’ve missed going to one since I was a teenager.  Two trips to Gallipoli in Turkey make it all the more emotional – that place can’t help but leave an impression on you.

And then there is the remembrance of my Grandfather in WW2 in New Guinea and then the awful family tragedy in 1988 when three of my young cousins drowned in a flooded creek out on their family’s property.  I never really knew them and if they’d lived I probably still wouldn’t be very close to them… but the idea of their little lives never having a chance?  It’s just gut wrenching…

Anzac Day is usually very solemn around here

Did you write the book of love?

I was reminiscing last night about how the last ten years have been.  Everyone has their ups and downs I suppose but I think we’ve had way too many downs for my liking in between car accidents, back pain, IVF and MND.

In particular I was thinking about my first Rowany Festival which happened to coincide with my first wedding anniversary AND my first IVF cycle.  I had been in the SCA for about two or three years already but this was the first time I had managed to make it to Festival.  I had been on assisted reproductive fertility treatments for about four months but this was the first cycle where I was injecting myself with massive amounts of hormones to get some eggs up.

So we were off at the old Tara site meeting loads of new people many of whom I knew by reputation already, was feeling unusually emotional and moody from the drugs and unable to drink alcohol on IVF.  The first couple of days were okay other than having to sit around totally sober watching everyone else getting all socially lubricated and laughing their arses off.   Then I think it was the Monday night that was the night of our first wedding anniversary.  We had arranged to have dinner in the campsite by ourselves that night as everyone else went off to the St Sebastian encampment for dinner.

We had a lovely dinner, I was stil naively optimistic about the IVF and Mr K and I were happy and thinking all was well with the world and looking forward to the future – having kids and maybe buying a new bigger house in case we had twins!  But not long after dinner I was feeling really kinda tired and decided to turn in early… I think around 10.30pm or so?  Mr K wasn’t tired though so he wandered off to the tavern saying he’d have a couple of drinks and be back to bed soom.  He tucked me in and wantedered off to the tavern.

four poster bed hangings three gold bees

I slept pretty soundly in spite of the drums (God I hate the drums at Festival) and was only awoken when Mr K stumbled into bed knocking things over, stinking to high heaven and at which point the following conversation ensued:

Borys:  (sleepily) Hey babe. You’re back.  What time is is?
Mr K:  (slurring) About 12 o’clock I think.
Borys:  Oh Phew!  God you reek of alcohol!
Mr K:  Yeah been drinking with the King.
Borys:  Oh okay.  Damn.  Now I’m awake I have to go to the loo.  🙁

Note to non festival initiates… going to the toilet in the middle of the night at Festival involves, getting a cloak, or other item of warmth, a torch or other light source and if you’re lucky a 100m walk.  On returning from the toilets Mr K was happily snorning away.  I stowed my things away and happened to check my watch… which said it was 3am!!!  I climbed into bed and shoved Mr K repeatedly until the next portion of the conversation was had:

Borys: (indignant)  Hey!  It’s 3am!  Why did you tell me it was midnight?
Mr K:  (still slurring and now half awake)  Huh?
Borys:  You said it was only midnight and it’s 3am?  Where have you been?
Mr K:  I was playing Tablero in the tavern with the King.
Borys: Until 3am!  It was supposed to be our anniversary remember?  🙁
Mr K:  Zzzzzzzzzzz………..
Borys:  (muttering) Bastard!

I managed to get back to sleep and eventually got up around 6am and pottered around the campsite until everyone slowly dragged their collective sorry hungover arses out of bed.  At around 7am Fabian, the then King got up, blinked in the sunlight, stretched and did a mighty yawn, tipped his boots upside down and bashed them (he’s American and we’d been scaring the living hell out of him about deadly spiders, scorpions and snakes in the area) before stumbling over to the dining pavillion to exchange good morning pleasantries.

Borys:  You guys were out late, you must be tired.  How was your night?  🙂

Fabian: Not bad, I was playing Tablero in the tavern with your husband ’til 1am.

Borys:   1am?  🙁
Fabian:  Yeah. Six hours sleep isn’t too bad.
Borys: Excuse me a moment… I’ll be right back.

ONE FUCKING AM ?!?!?  Borys marches back into her tent and shoves Mr K repeatedly until he blearily acknowledges that the thumping isn’t just in his head.  Shove… shove…

Borys:  You said you were playing Tablero in the tavern with the King until 3am.

Mr K:   Wha?
Borys:  The King just told me he left the tavern and went to bed at 1am!
Borys:  What on earth were you doing until 3am?
Mr K:   The King left me there to play in his place…
Mr K:   … and I got stuck playing with Elspeth
  🙁
Borys:  LOL… well in that case you deserve everything you get!

Mumble fuck, mumble fuck…. Happy Anniversary indeed!   🙂
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PS – The moral of the story?  If I’d just be able to have my port like normal… none of this would have happened!!!   Oh, and don’t mess with a  chick on IVF hormones!!!

Waiting for the projectile pea soup vomit.

I’ve got a new watch but think it’s dreadfully wasteful to throw out the old one so I thought I’d try and find a watch repairer who would know what to do with an Eco Drive watch that appeared to have given up the ghost.  Luckily there is one such a man in Brisbane and even luckier still… he’s on this side of town about 10 mins drive from my place.

I picked up the watch in question which hasn’t worked for about two months and took it to the little guy in Buranda and by the time I got into his office and was about to hand over the watch I noticed that damn thing was ticking!!!  So not only did it hear Mr K when he threatened to replace it but I think it heard me say I was going to take it to a specialist to pull it apart!!!

I think the fucking thing is haunted.  Either that or it’s some sort of creepy mind-reading watch that’s possessed by evil spirits.
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Engel

One of my favouite songs at the moment….

Engel

Wer zu Lebzeit gut auf Erden
wird nach dem Tod ein Engel werden
den Blick gen Himmel fragst Du dann
warum man sie nicht sehen kann

Erst wenn die Wolken schlafen gehn
kann man uns am Himmel sehen
wir haben Angst und sind allein
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein

Sie leben hinterm Sonnenschein
getrennt von uns unendlich weit
sie müssen sich an Sterne krallen (ganz fest)
damit sie nicht vom Himmel fallen

Erst wenn die Wolken schlafen gehn
kann man uns am Himmel sehen
wir haben Angst und sind allein

Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein
Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein

Erst wenn die Wolken schlafen gehn
kann man uns am Himmel sehne
wir haben Angst und sind allein

Gott weiß ich will kein Engel sein  etc

The female Guest singer for this song is ‘Bobo’.

Angel

Live in virtue, no desire In the grave an angel’s fire
You look to heaven and wonder why
No-one can see them in the sky
Just as the clouds have gone to sleep

Angels can be seen in heaven’s keep
Alone in fear they question why
Goddamn not an angel when I die
Angels live, they never die

Apart from us, behind the sky
They’re fading souls who’ve turned to ice
So ashen white in paradise
Just as the clouds have gone to sleep

Angels can be seen in heaven’s keep
Alone in fear they question why

Goddamn not an angel when I die
Goddamn not an angel when I die
Goddamn not an angel when I die

Just as the clouds have gone to sleep
Angels can be seen in heaven’s keep
Alone in fear they question why

Goddamn not an angel when I die
Goddamn not an angel when I die
Goddamn not an angel when I die
Goddamn not an angel when I die
Goddamn not an angel when I die

Insurance is a necessary evil.

Every day I drive the Small Child to school.  I spent most of last year relying on other people to do this for me as I was so oversedated in the mornings that I knew I wasn’t safe to drive…. that and I was really avoiding going anywhere that involved getting in a car.  The whole getting uncontrollably anxious and upset, feeling like I’m suffocating and fighting rising panic when anyone got too close to me or did something stupid just doesn’t sit well with my (normally) no nonsense personality.  I was finding myself getting really angry when those feelings would emerge while I was driving.

But anyway, long story short… taking the Small Child is something I just have to do.  I no longer have someone reliable to help me get him to school anymore since Yale started a regular day job, so I’ve had to suck it up and do it.  Problem is… all those fears are still with me every time I get in the car and if someone does something crazy I seem to either get really angry or I get extremely nervy and frightened.  I don’t know if there is actually more people on the road who seem to have taken leave of their sense when making traffic navigation decisions or if it’s due to the ridiculous amount of road works going on in our area over the last year or so… but it feels like I am seeing crazy arse people doing crazy arse things all the time and it is freaking me out!!  🙁

In fact I’ve noticed over the last six week or so that I’m reacting to not just idiots in the traffic speeding, running red lights, changing lanes alarmingly or basically being reckless – I’ve also been having an unacceptable emotional response to this –

This car is parked in a street near my son’s school.  It has been there for about five or six weeks now and I’ve been driving past it twice a day for what seems like ages.  Everytime I see it I get a little heart-in-my-throat  thing or a sense of rising bile kinda feeling and I find myself grimacing everytime I drive past.  I am assuming that who ever owns the thing has no insurance or it wouldn’t be sitting there for so long.  I know it shouldn’t affect me at all… but I’ve taken to altering my route so as not to be confronted with it every day.
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