My eyes!

I woke up in the middle of the most ridiculous dream this morning – which is not so surprising under the circumstances, but it took me off guard nonetheless.  About two months before my last trip, my GP sent me to an ophthalmologist* to discuss an issue I’ve been having for years with my peripheral vision, and today I’m supposed to go in for a minor surgery that will hopefully fix the problem… only fucking hell, I’ve been freaking out for about it for weeks because, well,  some guy I’ve met for about 15 minutes is going to taking a knife to my eyes!

So the dream… I was at the hospital waiting to go in for this procedure and the nursing staff are all bustling around being efficient but rather cheerless.  It’s Monday morning, so I guess you can’t ask too much.  I’m waiting for the ophthalmologist to turn up and do his little pre-procedure chat, but he seems to be taking his time.  I am rather unhappy about just waiting… not looking forward to this, I just want to get it over with.   And then he finally turns up.  He takes some sort of mask with a viewer on it, puts it over my eyes, looks into it, then stands up and shakes his head and says ‘No wonder.’  No other context, but I’m immediately concerned.  I ask him, ‘What’s wrong?’, but he ignores me and starts filling out some paperwork.

I then notice that he has another person with him, a well-dressed man in a suit, who seems a little out of place in a hospital pre-op ward.  It takes me a while to notice that it is Eddie Izzard, and I say to him, ‘What are you doing here?’  He introduces himself, I tell him that I know who he is.  He says he is here to ‘observe’, and points to his own eyes, and I understand from the gesture that he needs the same procedure’.  I said, ‘Like hell you are!  I don’t need the surgeon distracted by some celebrity in the room, while he’s taking to my eyes with a knife!  I’ll end up fucking enucleated!’

Eddie Izzard says, ‘Huh?’
The surgeon says, ‘Why do you even know that word?’
I think, ‘At least he is acknowledging that I’m here…’  :/

I then have Eddie Izzard telling me how busy his schedule is, and asking if he could please stay and watch the procedure.  I respond, ‘What’s in it for me?’  His demeanour alters immediately, his body language stiffens up and he says deadpan, ‘I’ll give you a thousand pounds if I can stay, I really am very busy and can’t reschedule.’  I scoff a little, and say, ‘I don’t want your money… I want to come to London for a weekend, so you can take me to the shop with the banjoes and the guns. Maybe we can buy some charcoal and jam…’

He laughs out loud and says, ‘That must be the weirdest shakedown ever.  Let’s make it a week.’  We shake hands and he promises to sit quietly and not disturb the ophthalmologist… and I wake up.

I have no idea what is going on there.  The subsconscious is a truly bizarre place.

*TIL… I do not know how to spell ophthalmologist, no matter how many times I type it.

Carina Medical and Specialist Centre

I am somewhat nonplussed, and unimpressed, by this email that I received from the Carina Medical and Specialist Centre which is a a nearby general practitioners clinic that I have been to, twice – for a girly swot check-up a year ago, and I went there once when my usual GP was away on holidays.  That’s it.  But obviously, I am in their database and they have decided that they can email me for Movember to inform me about their Men’s Health campaign.  Now, while I applaud their initiative in getting on board with the whole men’s health month thing… using my supplied personal details to send me information that is completely irrelevant to me seems a bit much.  Especially since, they obviously have my files and I’m female and therefore not someone who needs a men’s health check up.  So I was mildly annoyed they accessed a patient database to send out a promotional campaign in the first place, and doubly annoyed that their information technology department is so inept as to target the promotional material so poorly…
carina medical centre mens health

But then a little further down email, it seemed to get a little bit worse.  My receiving this campaign wasn’t a matter of accidentally sending a men’s health check up promotion to obviously female patients.  Instead, it seems they’re pimping me out to look after ‘his’ health.  Which I kinda found inappropriate on so many levels.  For one, they’re assuming I have a ‘him’ in my life at all, which certainly is none of their business… as well, they seem to be somehow implying that I’m fucking responsible for ‘his’ goddamn health!

carina medical centre women appeal

What the hell?  I can’t imagine them sending out a blanket advertising campaign to all patients on the importance of regular pap smears and mammograms, and going so far as to say “Gents, if your woman won’t book – book for her.  Early detection saves lives!”  It just wouldn’t happen. They just wouldn’t do it.  So why does this clinic consider it appropriate to send this out and assume that I’m responsible for enforcing my assumed partner to go off and have a health check-up?

Anyway, after a slight ‘wtf’ moment, I did what any normal human would do – attempt to unsubscribe from their bullshit advertising material.  So I clicked the unsubscribe button and was greeted with this:carina medical centre unsubscribe

Yeah… kinda special.  I don’t want their stupid email promotion campaigns aimed at people who well, have penises, but if I click the unsubscribe button, I won’t get reminder emails for stuff that I actually need.  Given my laid back temperament and reputation for having a tendency to do absolutely nothing when confronted with life’s little annoyances – I emailed those bastards immediately telling them how inappropriate it was that I was getting their stupid male health check up email in the first place (given they obviously have access to my records and are therefore able to determine that I’m female!), and that I find it doubly inappropriate that I can’t unsubscribe from promotional material without potentially risking missing out on important reminders!  Fuck that.

Grrr.  What I am really wondering is, though… why does it feel like we are constantly being bombarded with this sort of bullshit on a regular basis – unsolicited promotional emails, things that are just inappropriate or offensive or downright stupid.
Over it. Over it. Over it!