I detest fart jokes, toilet humour, scat quips and amusement gleaned from bodily functions in general I guess.  Anyone who knows me is aware that this sort of attempt at humour is usually greeted with a stoic rejoinder about how fart jokes are an attempt to amuse the uneducated, unintelligent and unimaginative lowest common denominator amongst us. 

I honestly don’t know what people find so amusing in the releasing of gas, urine, excrement, snot, phlegm, ear wax from the human body!  I have no idea why it’s supposed to be funny.  Cum…. well that’s another story altogether.  I  remember laughing uproariously on one occasion and damned near turned purple and apoplectic at a girlfriend relating how she turned her head to sneeze at an inopportune moment in the bedroom and accidentally copped a load in her ear!  But that was more about bedroom misadventure and a romantic interlude gone awry than the actual ejaculate itself.

What was I talking about again?  Oh yes.  Fart jokes… positively hate them and if I could I’d legislate against such things as being detrimental to the mental health of the community or at the very least advise they be keep out of modern media and popular culture and relegated to ‘things one may do behind closed doors in the privacy of their own homes where they won’t scare the horses’.

So imagine my delight and astonishment when I finally found a fart joke that tickled my fancy 🙂

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On the weekend I put two things (well several actually but only two that are under discussion here) on the grocery list… marshmallows so I can make a hot chocolate or two while this wet weather keeps up… and snakes – because you can’t get a Frozen Coke at 1am no matter how much cajoling, verbal abuse and/or promises of sexual favours are proffered.  The marshmallows came home in the shopping without any  noteworthy incident, but what on earth happened to my snakes?  In all fairness I guess they came home too… but in all honesty what came home was some pathetic and miserable, piss poor, diluted version of that small felicity that is… the lolly snake.

What sort of misguided and ill advised attempt at healthy shopping causes someone to bring home ‘all natural’  (and I use the term loosely) lolly snakes that are artificial colour and artifical flavour free?  Dammit but it’s the artificial colours and flavors that make the little buggers worth eating!  Soooo not happy with my wash.     😐 
 
PS – If I weren’t railing against the injustice of  having been delivered the most bland snakes available at the market for ready money, then I’d have to be here ranting about the WorkCover Nazis again who seem determined to see how much they can poke Borys before she pops like a piñata… 

….. but as those who truly know me can attest – I’m ever a silver lining and cup is half-full sort of gal (scoff)… so at least when my head does explode like a piñata, it’d be filled with 99.9%fat free snakes with no artificial colours or flavours.    🙁
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