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Tag Archives: nonsense
Universal car…
Proton believes it may have found a huge gap in the market
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The Malaysian carmaker Proton has announced plans to develop an “Islamic car”, designed for Muslim motorists.
Proton is planning on teaming up with manufacturers in Iran and Turkey to create the unique vehicle.
The car could boast special features like a compass pointing to Mecca and a dedicated space to keep a copy of the Koran and a headscarf.
The idea came during a visit to the Middle East by a delegation of Malaysian politicians and businessmen.
Malaysian press reports say officials in Iran originally suggested the idea.
Safety features or fuel economy is one way of selling a car, but Proton thinks vehicles designed specifically for Muslims across the world represent a huge gap in the market.
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Okay…… so where’s the Catholic car complete with rosary bumps built into the steering wheel and icon of the Virgin that appears on the dash board every time someone in the vehicle yells ‘holy shit!’?
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Hail Caesar!
Today I had a Chicken Caesar salad wrap for lunch that I bought from the little gourmet guy who comes round at lunchtime in his little van.
It didn’t have any egg.
It didn’t have any bacon.
It didn’t have any anchovy.
I am wondering at what point does it ceases to be a Caesar salad??? :S
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I totally wanna go and masturbate in Indonesia !!!
The UK’s top 10 most ridiculous British laws were listed as:
- It is illegal to die in the Houses of Parliament
- It is an act of treason to place a postage stamp bearing the British king or queen’s image upside-down
- It is illegal for a woman to be topless in Liverpool except as a clerk in a tropical fish store
- Eating mince pies on Christmas Day is banned
- If someone knocks on your door in Scotland and requires the use of your toilet, you are required to let them enter
- In the UK a pregnant woman can legally relieve herself anywhere she wants, including in a policeman’s helmet
- The head of any dead whale found on the British coast automatically becomes the property of the King, and the tail of the Queen
- It is illegal not to tell the tax man anything you do not want him to know, but legal not to tell him information you do not mind him knowing
- It is illegal to enter the Houses of Parliament wearing a suit of armour
- It is legal to murder a Scotsman within the ancient city walls of York, but only if he is carrying a bow and arrowIn other foreign climes…
- In Ohio, it is illegal to get a fish drunk
- In Indonesia, the penalty for masturbation is decapitation
- A male doctor in Bahrain can only examine the genitals of a woman in the reflection of a mirror
- In Switzerland, a man may not relieve himself standing up after 10pm
- It is illegal to be blindfolded while driving a vehicle in Alabama
- In Florida, unmarried women who parachute on a Sunday could be jailed
- Women in Vermont must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth
- In Milan, it is a legal requirement to smile at all times, except during funerals or hospital visits
- In France, it is illegal to name a pig Napoleon!
Sound advice….
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don’t worry about what people think, they don’t do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel SO good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is chocolate in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away 3 weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It ain’t the jeans that make your butt look fat.
26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”
27. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
34. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
35. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
36. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
37. Your friends love you anyway.
38. Don’t argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.
39. Never pat a burning dog.
40. Don’t operate power tools naked.