Let’s (re)do the time warp again!!!

I read a little while ago that MTV and some others were planning on remaking the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  Which is the sort of news I guess one greets with some level of trepidation.  I love the Rocky Horror Picture Show.  I’ve watched it umpteen times, have the you beaut special anniversary edition DVD, have the CD soundtrack, went to see three different stage productions of it over the years….  what can I say?  It’s a classic.

So yeah… remaking it is either going to be fan-fucking-tastic or absolutely atrocious.  There’s no middle ground to be had here.  They’re going to have to smash it out of the park to keep their original fans happy or they’re going to tank in a spectacular fashion and be forever known as ‘that other shit new version’.

Another old Rocky Horror fan sent me a list of his ‘dream cast’ for the remake and I reckon a large portion of this films success will rest on them making solid choices in the main roles.  I mean who on earth can top Tim Curry for Frank N Furter?  That’s a tall ask I reckon.  So who would you cast if you had control of such things???  This is the list my friends came up with over dinner.  My preferences bolded and the ‘oh that would be a shit choice’ stuck out.

Dr Frank N Furter
Brendan Fraser, Patrick Warburton, Hugh Laurie, Dwayne Johnston, Jeremy Irons, Rupert Everett, Jeff Goldblum, Tim Roth, Antonio Banderas, Nathan Lane, Hugh Grant, Ewan McGregor, Ralph Fiennes, Kurt Russell, Denis Leary, Robert Downey Jnr, Hugh Jackman, Billy Zane, Hugo Weaving, David Wenham, Kevin Kline, Kevin Spacey, Eric Bana, Johnny Depp, Prince Rogers Nelson and Freddy Mercury (digital reconstruction!) … no one said this had to be realistic!

Richard O’Brien, Tim Curry and Patricia Quinn
Riff Raff, Dr Frank N Furter and Magenta

Riff Raff
Quentin Tarantino, Alan Rickman, Stanley Tucci, Rowan Atkinson, Kelsey Grammar, Chris Rock, John Malkovic, Bruce Spence, Armande Assante, John Leguizamo, Jack Black, Nathan Lane, Mos Def, George Clooney, Ryan Stiles, Mandy Patinkin, John Travolta, Andy Serkis, James Spader, Richard E Grant, David Duchovny, Steve Buscemi, Michael Clark Duncan, Verne Troyer, Tim Minchin, Sanjeev Bhaskar, Dave Foley… I think I’d like to see Christopher Eccleston give Riff Raff a go.

Brad Majors
John Cusack, Jeff Goldblum, Jason Lee, Adrian Brody, David Tennant, Charlie Cox as much as I love John Cusack, I think he’s a bit old in the teeth for this one.  What about Natan Fillion??

Barry Bostwick and Susan Sarandon
Brad Majors and Janet Weiss

Janet Weiss
Selma Blair, Jaime Pressley, Jewel Staite, Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, Naomi Watts, Clare Danes, Kristen Bell, Kate Winslet

Holland Taylor, Bette Midler, Joan Cusack, Susan Sarandon, Michelle Pfieffer, Tia Carrere, Toni Collette, Janeane Garufalo, Selma Blair, Christina Ricci, Kathleen Turner, Christine Baranski, Julie Anthony, Julie Andrews, Joanna Lumbley, Emily Watson. (I think they must have had a fair bit of wine by this stage of the list making)

Nell Campbell

Dwayne (the Rock) Johnston, Dask Mihok, Paul Mc Dermott, John Travolta, Vin Diesel (yeah!), Guy Pierce, Matthew Perry, Diedrich Bader, Jack Black,

Rosario Dawson, Nicole Kidman, Kirsten Dunst, Zooey Deschanel, Julie Brown, Salma Hayek, Pink, Jane Horrocks (perfect), Catherine Zeta Jones, Julia Sawalha

Tim Curry, Peter Hinwell, Susan Sarandon
Dr Frank N Furter, Rocky Horror, Janet Weiss

Rocky Horror
Dwayne (the Rock) Johnston (am begining to think there must have been a fan in the room), Diedrich Bader, Alan Tudyk…. don’t know who’d make a good Rocky. Maybe they’d be better off casting some unknown piece of buff man meat

Dr Scott
John Goodman, Ron Perlman, John Travolta, Alec Baldwin, Brian Blessed, Christopher Walken, Sam Neill, Michael Caine, Stephen Fry, Gene Hackman, Miriam Margolyes

the Narrator
Rowan Atkinson, Patrick Warburton, Patrick Stewart, Kelsey Grammar, John Rhys-Davies, John Goodman, Richard Attenborough, Michael Gambon, Tim Curry, Christopher Lee, Frank Langella, Tom Selleck, Art Malik, Ben Kingsley, John Cleese.

Dunno.  Hard choices very hard choices.  Lets just hope they don’t fuck it up  🙂

Pizza Wars

Uncle Surly and Auntie BigSal opened a Pizza Capers store last year.  Which means we’re sick to death of Pizza Capers Pizza good though it is.  There is a Pizza Hut directly across the street from the Pizza Capers store and from time to time Surly has had stories to tell of the Pizza Hut manager phoning in an order and driving over in his Pizza Hut delivery car to pick up his Pizza Capers pizzas to take him to his family.

There’s another cool story of Pizza Hut guys ordering a delivery from Pizza Capers to be delivered to the Pizza Hut store and the manager opening up the boxes in front of his staff and saying ‘Now THAT is how you make pizza!”

But I’m having a loyalty struggle.  Because my favourite pizza in our local area is from a little independent operator called PizzaLand which has been around forever… and I mean forever!  I remember ordering their house special (called a Pizza Orgy – and with good reason) as many as 20 years ago.  They make THE most delicious Super Seafood Pizza ever.  It’s not cheap but it’s positively divine… calamari, scallops, octopus, fish, anchovies, parmesean are the main flavours and it’s totally delish.  

So every now and then we sneak in a sinful PizzaLand Pizza and then hide the evidence from out entrepeneurial Pizza Caper family members…. and alternately sit around plotting how to leave the boxes at the Pizza Capers store or in BigSal’s recycling bin for Surly to find!  🙂

I don’t want to be a pirate.

So, boryssnorc, your LiveJournal reveals…

You are… 10% unique (blame, for example, your interest in dinner monkeys) and 5% herdlike (partly because you, like everyone else, enjoy history). When it comes to friends you are normal. In terms of the way you relate to people, you are wary of trusting strangers. Your writing style (based on a recent public entry) is intellectual.

Your overall weirdness is: 44

(The average level of weirdness is: 28.
You are weirder than 85% of other LJers.)

One nail in my tyre or one speeding ticket away from losing the plot.

The mushrooms were pretty damn good.  That was today’s highlight… the mushrooms that I had with my breakfast.  And it all went downhill from there.   Sometimes I think I’ve gotten used to shit raining down from on high….. 

Car accidents. 
Hormone problems.
Back pain. 
Family dramas.
More girlie swot problems. 
$1000 of unexpected expenditure this month.
Blah blah blah-de-fuckin’-blah…

I’m sick to death of my own internal monologue which seems to do nothing but bitch and moan about how shit everything is atm and what on earth can go wrong next.  I’ve had one of those days today where the shit no longer feels like it’s dropping from on high, but rather it’s flying in sideways or perhaps it’s being flung at one by petulant monkeys.

I had a teeny tiny chip in the windscreen that happened when Mr K drove back from Canberra.  $109 to fix the little chip and I counted myself lucky because a new windscreen was around $240-290.  TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES after leaving the windscreen repair guys… I hear a loud noise and notice that I now have a four inch crack in the middle of my windscreen!!!  And no where near the little chip that was repaired.  There was no one in front of me and no one coming in the opposite direction – I don’t think a rock or anything hit the windscreen ?!??!  It’s a fucking mystery crack…

That four inch crack was more like a seven inch crack by the time I got home and called them saying… ‘Hey does this sort of thing happen often?’   To which they reply ‘Nope. Never heard of that happening before… you’ve just got shit luck huh?’   So guess what?  I’m likely going to have to shell out the $300 to replace the damn thing on top of the $109 I spent on the repair today.

Add to this a futile one and a half hour phone call with my mobile provider, an old argument resurfaing about recreational drugs, a twenty minute wait in the queue of cash poor sick people at Medicare this morning, an inability to pay some bills online this afternoon because the fucking online registration system the company has set up is too fucking cunning to be understood!!!!  And I’m basically in my ‘flee now and save yourself’ mode.

In that past I have done just that – flown the coop and regrouped…. only now I have no where to go.

It was horrible Johnny. There was cheesecake and pork chops everywhere.

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli,cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.   Then using God’s bountiful gifts, Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums. And Satan said, ‘You want hot fudge with that? And Man said, ‘Yes!’ And Woman said, ‘I’ll have one too with chocolate chips’. And so  they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthy yoghurt that woman might keep the figure that man found so fair.  And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.  So God said, ‘Try my fresh green salad’. And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said ‘I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them’.  And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns, butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its own platter, and Man’s cholesterol went through the roof.

Then God brought forth the potato; naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.  Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced the starchy centre into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats adding copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds. God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

 Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.  And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger. Then Satan said ‘You want fries with that?’ and Man replied, ‘Yes, and super size ’em’. And Satan said, ‘It is good.’ And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed ……… and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
And then ………… Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.


After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s the final word on nutrition and health.:

Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. 
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.