Search for a Psych… S01E02

Our heroine is slowly but surely losing not just her marbles… but the bag she’s supposed to keep them in and the fucking receipt that one would have been well advised to keep in order that they may be returned!  It is daily becoming more and more apparent by her demonstrable lack of rational thought or impulse control that the situation is bordering cataclysmic for we left dire and desperate behind months ago.  The thought patterns are becoming ever more erratic, the concentration problems are increasing, the memory failures causing more and more daily disquiet and insecurities where previously none existed are inescapably eating away at what little desire she has to be here remains. 

Desperation…  they always say you only miss it once it’s gone  😐   ‘Twas months ago when that set in.  How does you express what happens after that?  When you’re past the desperation and have moved onto a place of such absolute hopelessness that the desperation of months gone by feels like something one ought to aspire to regain?  I have to find somebody… anybody…  but how to decide on such a thing when deciding what to eat or what to wear seem obstacles of insurmountable proportions.  I was so emotionally distraught, thoroughly drained and subsequently deflated by S01E01 that the idea of  seeking out another appointment and crossing my fingers seems to be inviting certain disaster and increased despondency. 

How do you decide who to turn to unburden all your psycho hose-beastliness on? 
.

I’m turning into a martian.

So what happens when you start to feel so horribly deprived of everything your inherent personality drives you to?  In many ways I am the very model of a modern major ENTJ.  I identify with a vast deal of every essay I’ve ever read on the ENTJ personality type (including the one below).  With perhaps only the notable exception of hoping I am more aware and considerate of others than this assessment have us believe I could be convinced that I’d make a good text book example to be true.

But if the ENTJ’s are the visionary big picture thinkers, the decisive, natural born leaders who excel in the workplace, cope well under pressure, make excellent communicators and are comfortable being in command of our surroundings, executing our plans and working towards our goals with determination and confidence… where does it leave you when it feels like the world and elements beyond your control have so thoroughly shit on your entire life that you are unable to exercise ANY of these elements of your personality?

I’ve been told that it’s the lazy and unmotivated that suffer less when dealing with chronic pain.  Not physically, but emotionally.  People who don’t want to "do" care not a whit when they find that they "can’t".  It’s the people that really want to… no not just want to – desperately need to be out "doing" that end up so pissed off and constantly frustrated by the limitations of chronic pain.

I am just not me anymore and it feels like it’s largely beyond my control.

 

Portrait of an ENTJ – Extraverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging
(Extraverted Thinking with Introverted Intuition)


 

The Executive

As an ENTJ, your primary mode of living is focused externally, where you deal with things rationally and logically. Your secondary mode is internal, where you take things in primarily via your intuition.

ENTJs are natural born leaders. They live in a world of possibilities where they see all sorts challenges to be surmounted, and they want to be the ones responsible for surmounting them. They have a drive for leadership, which is well-served by their quickness to grasp complexities, their ability to absorb a large amount of impersonal information, and their quick and decisive judgments. They are "take charge" people.

ENTJs are very career-focused, and fit into the corporate world quite naturally. They are constantly scanning their environment for potential problems which they can turn into solutions. They generally see things from a long-range perspective, and are usually successful at identifying plans to turn problems around – especially problems of a corporate nature. ENTJs are usually successful in the business world, because they are so driven to leadership. They’re tireless in their efforts on the job, and driven to visualize where an organization is headed. For these reasons, they are natural corporate leaders.

There is not much room for error in the world of the ENTJ. They dislike to see mistakes repeated, and have no patience with inefficiency. They may become quite harsh when their patience is tried in these respects, because they are not naturally tuned in to people’s feelings, and more than likely don’t believe that they should tailor their judgments in consideration for people’s feelings. ENTJs, like many types, have difficulty seeing things from outside their own perspective. Unlike other types, ENTJs naturally have little patience with people who do not see things the same way as the ENTJ. The ENTJ needs to consciously work on recognizing the value of other people’s opinions, as well as the value of being sensitive towards people’s feelings. In the absence of this awareness, the ENTJ will be a forceful, intimidating and overbearing individual. This may be a real problem for the ENTJ, who may be deprived of important information and collaboration from others. In their personal world, it can make some ENTJs overbearing as spouses or parents.

The ENTJ has a tremendous amount of personal power and presence which will work for them as a force towards achieving their goals. However, this personal power is also an agent of alienation and self-aggrandizement, which the ENTJ would do well to avoid.

ENTJs are very forceful, decisive individuals. They make decisions quickly, and are quick to verbalize their opinions and decisions to the rest of the world. The ENTJ who has not developed their Intuition will make decisions too hastily, without understanding all of the issues and possible solutions. On the other hand, an ENTJ who has not developed their Thinking side will have difficulty applying logic to their insights, and will often make poor decisions. In that case, they may have brilliant ideas and insight into situations, but they may have little skill at determining how to act upon their understanding, or their actions may be inconsistent. An ENTJ who has developed in a generally less than ideal way may become dictatorial and abrasive – intrusively giving orders and direction without a sound reason for doing so, and without consideration for the people involved.

Although ENTJs are not naturally tuned into other people’s feelings, these individuals frequently have very strong sentimental streaks. Often these sentiments are very powerful to the ENTJ, although they will likely hide it from general knowledge, believing the feelings to be a weakness. Because the world of feelings and values is not where the ENTJ naturally functions, they may sometimes make value judgments and hold onto submerged emotions which are ill-founded and inappropriate, and will cause them problems – sometimes rather serious problems.

ENTJs love to interact with people. As Extroverts, they’re energized and stimulated primarily externally. There’s nothing more enjoyable and satisfying to the ENTJ than having a lively, challenging conversation. They especially respect people who are able to stand up to the ENTJ, and argue persuasively for their point of view. There aren’t too many people who will do so, however, because the ENTJ is a very forceful and dynamic presence who has a tremendous amount of self-confidence and excellent verbal communication skills. Even the most confident individuals may experience moments of self-doubt when debating a point with an ENTJ.

ENTJs want their home to be beautiful, well-furnished, and efficiently run. They’re likely to place much emphasis on their children being well-educated and structured, to desire a congenial and devoted relationship with their spouse. At home, the ENTJ needs to be in charge as much as he or she does in their career. The ENTJ is likely best paired with someone who has a strong self-image, who is also a Thinking type. Because the ENTJ is primarily focused on their careers, some ENTJs have a problem with being constantly absent from home, physically or mentally.

The ENTJ has many gifts which make it possible for them to have a great deal of personal power, if they don’t forget to remain balanced in their lives. The are assertive, innovative, long-range thinkers with an excellent ability to translate theories and possibilities into solid plans of action. They are usually tremendously forceful personalities, and have the tools to accomplish whatever goals they set out for.

Jungian functional preference ordering:

Dominant: Extraverted Thinking
Auxiliary: Introverted Intuition
Tertiary: Extraverted Sensing
Inferior: Introverted Feeling

At least I remembered… not like the Great Tooth Fairy Fiasco of 2008.

Borys is normally at Rowany Festival for Easter so is rarely here to reap the rewards of the havoc she sows before she journeys south.  Normally I make a bit of a treasure hunt around the house.  Carefully hidden little caches of chocolate easter eggs each with a clue (used to be pictorial clues but the Small Child can read now) stashed all over the house that eventually lead to the mother lode of chocolately hyperactivity inducing goodness.

Which was great.  I’d hide stuff all over the house and several days later Dad and the Small Child would follow up all the clues and have enough chocolate to sustain a small Ethiopian village for a month…. and given that this usually occured in my absence I never had to deal with the Small Child bouncing off the walls full of refined sugars.  But this year I have not ventured south for Festival and have for the first time been here to see the Easter Egg Treasure Hunt unfold…. and while the rug rat has a hoot…. it’s not pretty!  Filling up a Small Child whose default position is to be already full of boundless energy with chocolate at 0700 !?!?!  Whose stupid idea was that?!?!?    :S

Not only this… but the stupid Easter Bunny (who may or may not have been under the influence of copious quantities of vodka at the time of planning and deploying said Treasure Hunt) left some pretty dodgy clues at 0130 this morning.  Which meant that watching the Small Child trying to decipher them was a bit like pulling teeth…. Bad Easter Bunny!  Bad Easter bunny!  A seven year old does NOT have the requisite attention span for cryptic crossword style clues so in future notes WILL be simpler and more direct!!!  πŸ™‚

Happy Easter!
(or Happy Spring / Fertility / Pagan occasion of your choice)
.

Love is… what you want it to be

Love is… (love is…) what you want it to be
Love is… (love is…) heaven to the lonely!
Show me… What you want me to do!
‘Cos love is what I got for you!!!

Love is… finding long blonde hairs wrapped around the contents of your bag!Β  πŸ™‚

Love is… handing over the slice with the most anchovies on it!

Love is… having to come down to your level!

Love is… never having to be something you’re not!

Love is… getting your toenails painted AND paying up πŸ™‚

Love is… painting toenails and not expecting payment!

Love is… the warmth of your hugs.Β 

Love is…Β  being the little spoon and warming your butt on the big spoon!!!

Love is… laughing at the little spoon trying to be the big spoon!

Love is… bringing home the bacon – to go with the oysters kilpatrick.

Love is… oysters full stopΒ  πŸ™‚

Love is… seeing the smile on your face from silly oyster inuendos!

Love is… the feeling of seeing her smile when she’s at the circus.

Love is… getting all wrinkly from canoodling too long in the bathtub.

Love is… getting a mouthful of soap while loofah’ing!

Love is… assuming the position!Β  πŸ˜‰

Love is… <page cannot be displayed>

LOL.Β  I think you’ve finally nailed it!Β Β  πŸ™‚
.