Priceless quote time – which movie and who said it? 🙂 I can’t remember where it came from myself?!?!?!
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Monthly Archives: December 2007
Whiplash has a cumulative effect apparently.
I had a new physio this morning, as mine is off traipsing the Cradle Mount Lake St Claire walk in Tasmania this week. I thought the whole ideology of physiotherapy was based around making you feel better? After this morning I have my doubts though because this afternoon, I swear I feel worse. I didn’t think the substitute physio guy was as aggressive as my normal chickie, but I am feeling rather battered and bruised about now. Every time I go in there, they check out my range of movement, by getting me to do some simple exercises moving my head about to see where stiff or sore – which feels kinda like an old dried up rubber band being overstretched, as I have a tendency to avoid these types of painful neck stretching movements at home. Then it’s off with the shirt and onto the table so they can dig their pointy little fingers into my rock hard neck muscles to try and get the vertebrae moving. And fuck it hurts. I’m sitting here trying to come up with the words or some imagery that would allow a quantitative comparison as to how much it hurts exactly – but short of some of Mapplethorpe’s male genital torture photographs …no suitably painful enough imagery comes to mind. Right about now, you’re probably pleased I couldn’t find a copy of the particular image that I was thinking of. 🙂
Over the years my tolerance for pain has gotten better… for example, my back pain was really really bad when I was pregnant with Angel – I had pain radiating down into my hands, and really bad pain in my lower back that simply would not go away and could not be ignored. As the pregnancy progressed it got worse and worse. My OB/GYN gave me natal safe pain killers and eventually was giving me some mild sedatives too as I was in so much pain that I was unable to sleep more than a couple of hours. After a while, these didn’t seem to be having any effect at all and he was suggesting that I might try washing them down with a couple of glasses of red as this could help (I remember saying to him when he suggested I mix pain killers and sedatives with alcohol, “You do remember that I’m pregnant right?”).
Anyway, nothing seemed to alleviate the pain and I was getting really anxious about whether or not things would subside back to ‘normal’ when the baby was born. Angel was eventually born early by c-section delivery and problem solved. Back pain subside back to normal overnight. The day after Angel was born, I was wandering around the hospital ward and ran in to my OB who was stunned to see me out of bed and we had a conversation that went something like this –
OB: What are you doing out of bed?
Me: I feel great, my back pain is all back to normal and all I have is a dull ache now.
OB: But how about your tummy?
ME: Ummm yeah… I have what I’d call a ‘mild abdominal discomfort’, but other than that I’m okay. 🙂
His jaw dropped and his eyes just about popped out of his head and then he dragged me around the ward to visit several other of his c-section patients who had been laid up in bed for days. Something tells me he wasn’t taking me too seriously when I was complaining of pain during the pregnancy….
I guess what I am trying to say is… the pain I am dealing with since this last accident is worse then what I was dealing with during my pregnancy, it has been going on for two and a half weeks now, and I am starting to worry that it won’t subside back to ‘normal’.
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Something’s missing.
“I wish I had a brother,” he said this morning.
Which is something I have said a million times when I was little. But it was in a ‘I am sick of hanging out with two whinging sisters who won’t come kick a football with me’ kinda way, not in a ‘I am lonely and have no one to play with at all’ sorta thing. I know having a sibling or even two doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to have an amazing sibling relationship your entire lives, and I know it doesn’t even mean that you’re likely to always get along well at all…. but having no siblings removes the possibility entirely.
And it this that was a large part of what drove me for so many years on IVF, long after it outwore it’s economic viability and long after the emotional toll untenable. I didn’t want to have an only child. I’ve always enjoyed my sibling relationships (for the most part) growing up, and truly didn’t want to have my little guy not getting the opportunity to make good sibling relationships of his own. But this one has turned out to be totally beyond my control, and a single little rug rat he has ended up being.
Still… it’s like a kick in the guts when he says things like this, and reminds me of how utterly I failed. Being on IVF always felt like I was working towards something… an endeavour or undertaking of some sort. One that became all encompassing for many years. But ultimately it didn’t matter how much time, money, energy or effort I applied to the problem nothing I did affected the outcome. I’d never been in that situation before, where my concerted efforts mattered not a whit and I’d never encountered something that I couldn’t succeed at regardless of how hard I worked at it or how many resources I expended on it. And that is why the whole thing has left me feeling like I’ve failed.
I made the big mistake this morning of clicking on the IVF tag on my journal and reading back through the last 14-20 entries I have made on IVF… big mistake! Huge! It’s all too depressing, let’s go back to thinking about happier things – like back pain! 🙁
Wouldn’t it be good to live in your shoes….
Blergh. Blergh and double Blergh. 😐
I am sitting here, on the couch, on the heat pack, feeling rather like I imagine a toad might feel after a more than ordinarily vigorous round of vicious backyard shennanigans involving nasty children with cricket bats and golf clubs. Without putting too fine a point on it – I am rooted.
I’m tossing an turning all night in pain, have been waking up in pain, spending my day in pain and then going to sleep again in pain. And it’s worse when I have to drive somewhere… because then I have to avoid taking any drugs because they leave me feeling like a feeble minded monkey that’s been in one too many science experiments and whose sole awareness consist of people talking at it as though they’re underwater and a vague sensation that one’s limbs are too heavy for one’s body.
I’m so sick of thinking about it, but finding it excessively difficult to think about anything else. … especially when it ends up taking over your entire day. Yesterday…. off to the GP, over to work to drop in a medical certificate, arrange to fax a copy of same to work cover people, go down to the pharmacy to refill pain medication prescription, call around to make appointments for a CT scan and for an orthopaedic surgeon and also chase up insurance company to see what is happening to my car. Today… go to god awful torture session of a physio appointment, arrange extension on rental loaner vehicle, go to appointment for CT scan, supply doctor with claim number, confirm fax gone to work cover people and yada yada yada… never ending list of BS to deal with.
…. even if it was for just one day.
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Help… I’m covered in bees!
Well, actually I feel more like I’m covered in ants than covered in bees, but that’s a different story. Okay, so this has absolutely nothing to do with anything, but is one of my favourite Eddie moments. For a couple of months at the end of 1997, I went to London to visit the Queen… well not really the Queen…. just BluddyMary who – while frequently compared with the Queen for her expensive tastes, savoir faire and impeccable knowledge of obscure epicurean delights – is not actually The Queen per se.
Anyway, I went to London to visit BluddyMary, and on the Tube ride back to her place from the delightfully warm and fuzzy welcoming Heathrow, she asked me what I was hoping to do while I was in town. Being more than a little half cut from the tedious long haul flight where the alcohol (as usual) had been my primary in-flight entertainment… I said “Err… I dunno, the usual stuff, the V&A, the Camden Markets, the British Museum, the Tate and all that guff. Hmmm, I’d also love to see an Eddie Izzard gig if he’s on…” which was greeted by the news that he had just finished doing a run at the London Arena and so much for that.
Got back to her flat, open the weekend paper, and lo and behold… there was a ‘One night only, Last show of the tour, Blink and you’ll miss it’ advertisement for an encore performance the following week! Disco! Tickets for only 12quid and Bob’s your uncle. So… yeah… 🙂 I did get to see him in London after all…. think that was the Glorious show.
And I’ve seen him twice more since then… Circle and Sexie tours when they came to BrisVegas.
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