Life of Pi

Posted on January 6, 2013 by borysSNORC

Ang Lee has long been one of my favourite directors… a love affair that started with his unlikely involvement in Sense and Sensibility and continued with The Wedding Banquet, Brokeback Mountain and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon in there somewhere. Last night I went to see Life of Pi, and it was one of the most magical films I’ve seen in the cinema in years. Cinematically gorgeous, visually arresting and so beautiful it reminds me of Jake Gyllenhaal saying “There is so much beauty in this world, too much for my eyes to take in” (playing Ricky Fitts in American Beauty).

I won’t rehash the story in detail, because I’m thinking people have either already read the book or are about to see the film, in which case they’re probably about to rush out and read the book or they’re going to see so many glowing reviews about this film that they will want to read the book anyway!

The Readers Digest version: it is about a deeply spiritual and religious boy (considers himself a Christian Hindu Muslim) with the unlikely name of Pi – truncated from his actual name Piscine – meaning ‘swimming pool’ in French due to his uncle’s love of a particular swimming pool in Paris – who grows up in an unusual zoo in an Indian botanical garden. Pi (played by Gautam Belur at five, Ayush Tandon at 12 and Suraj Sharma at 16) and his family leave India to make a new life in Canada. His father, who is primarily a businessman, takes all their zoo animals with them thinking their sale will finance a new life for his family. En route their cargo ship encounters a terrible storm and sinks (shortest version of that episode you’ll ever read) but which is rendered into one of the most amazing action sequences you’ll see on film this year.

Pi finds himself the sole survivor (or is he) on a life boat with Richard Parker, an adult Bengal tiger from the zoo… whom he develops an uneasy cohabitation in order to keep himself alive. Months are spent drifting on the life boat, where they encounter sharks, a school of flying fish that appear to be attacking them, a glorious phosphorescent smack of jellyfish, a humpback whale that deprives Pi of his supplies and another storm which threatens to undo them both. And in the middle of this extended journey, Pi navigates not only his relationship with the deadly Richard Parker but also with his Gods.

The entire story is told in flashback, which can often be either really effective or really jarring. In Life of Pi, it feels like we get just the right balance of ‘present day’ reflection and explanation that doesn’t tear you too often or unnecessarily out of Pi’s amazing journey. By the end of the film, I felt exhilarated and yet oddly contemplative. I think this is definitely not a film to be missed on the big screen and while it might not change your life, it certainly gives a wonderful perspective on the possibilities and capabilities of the human spirit. I loved it, definitely lining up to see it again.

Need to find a new special level of hell.

Posted on December 27, 2012 by borysSNORC

“You’re going to burn in a special level of hell. A level that is reserved for child molesters and people who talk at the theatre,” said Shepherd Book to Captain Mal.

And who doesn’t hate people who talk at the theatre. Thankfully it very rarely happens at the opera, hardly ever happens at performing arts theatres but quite frequently happens at the cinema. The cinema it turns out is a bit of a social equalizer where the dole bludgin’, pot smoking bogans rub shoulders with out of touch, ivory tower academics and hard working plain speaking tradesmen find themselves seated beside businessmen with overly inflated high opinions of themselves.

We line up in the queues, buy our tickets and sit ourselves where ever seems the most auspicious location for the duration. Much like being crammed into an aircraft, we hope the person behind us won’t kick our seat around too much or even worse put their feet up on a seat right near us. We likewise offer up a small sacrifice, perhaps a Jaffa or a Malteser, to the Deity or Superhero of Your Choice and hope that any children in close vicinity will be so mesmerized by the film that they won’t cry, talk, complain or fret throughout. We also make small wishes on those itty bitty shooting stars that fly around the mountain on the Paramount Pictures logo that everyone in the cinema has turned their mobile phones off!

And yet we’ve ALL repeatedly encountered bad behaviour of one flavour or another at the cinema. I remember going to see Baz Lurhmann’s Romeo & Juliet and having to put up with the teenagers behind me complaining that they didn’t understand the ‘stupid way they are talking’ but ‘I love Leonardo DiCaprio, he’s so cute!’. I’ve had someone’s spoiled brat of a child spill half a cup of soft drink all over me whilst throwing a a tantrum at their parent/adult supervisor because they ‘got the wrong lollies’. I’ve sat near THAT woman who has to ask her partner to explain every bit of the action and give a running commentary on the entire film because discussing it AFTER the film would make too much sense. I’ve sat near damn near terrified small children at MA15+ movies and listened to their crying because their parents didn’t do their research before taking little Johnny to see the new flick that THEY desperately wanted to see. I’ve sat near people who haven’t mastered the art of chewing with their mouths closed thereby punctuating their way through the most poignant of cinematic scenes with an incessant chomping and crunching. I’ve sat near people’s whose phones have gone off – time and time again… and watched on with incredulousness as people ANSWERED their calls and had conversations in the cinema much to the consternation of all around them.

You’d think that the Gold Class Cinema Experience might afford you a slightly higher standard of cinema etiquette than your average Tight Arse Tuesday discount night at the local multiplex. Not on your life. Today Mr K, Aunty Mary, Great Gran and myself went to see Les Misérables at the recently refurbished Carindale Gold Class cinemas. Tickets purchased online three weeks ago and we’d been looking forward to ever since. Tickets for four comfy seats at $113 (including online booking fees); wine, nibblies platter, coffees and a desert for Gran all coming to a little over $140.00… so a $250 cinema experience which in my book is NOT exactly a cheap couple of hours of movie entertainment for four adults.

And yet, even in the rarified sanctity that should be the Gold Class Cinema, today I encountered a movie goer whose sheer wilful ignorance, absolute self absorption and complete lack of consideration for her fellow cinema patron really takes the cake! This young woman… no that’s too generous… this chicken fuckin’ moron of a stupid little dumb arse, self obsessed GIRL decides to take photographs of her food platter using her mobile phone WITH FLASH. Not once, not twice… but FOUR photographs before she puts the damn thing back in her handbag. So while the rest of audience are watching Anne Hathaway sing and cry her way through a heartfelt and gut wrenching cinematic moment all I can see are these sporadic flashes coming from two seats to my left! What sort of monumental fucktardery do you call that??? I thought I’d seen it all, but I guess not.

Abandon all hope ye who enter the cinema.. for here dwells THE PUBLIC.

Image courtesy of Dave at Blogography

American Tragedy

Posted on December 16, 2012 by borysSNORC

On a day that shocks the world, and every politician, public figure and celebrity is mourning with the families and friends of the little children killed in Sandy Hook Connecticut, your favourite ditz and mine, has bigger things on her mind.

While most of the mainstream and social media worlds were engaged in expressing shock and sympathy for the families effected by this horrible tragedy, Dita von Ditz felt it important to share with the world that she was going to be late to her perfume launch because her cat sat on her frock.

It’s not a good thing, being up close and personal with the people we used to enjoy or admire. Even Nathan Fillion, who I always thought was just so damn cool, suffers for being able to have direct contact with the public without his press people standing by to call ‘no more questions today thanks’.

I guess if they were rocket scientists they wouldn’t be acting/stripping now would they?

Top Five Worst Movies Ever

Posted on December 14, 2012 by borysSNORC

This week, I saw what must be without a doubt the worst movie I have ever had the misfortune to sit through in my entire adult life. No wait, I watched Breaking The Waves many years ago, so that would make this the second worst movie I have ever seen. Ummm, hang on a minute, there was that Idiocracy shit so that makes this the third worst movie I’ve actually made it through (Sin City and the second Matrix film don’t count because I fell asleep at the cinema).

I went to see … entirely unwarranted drumroll… The Man With The Iron Fists. Why you might ask? Well, that’s a good question, and one I have absolutely no good answer for. Shits and giggles I guess. And ultimately this cinematic drivel gave me what I paid for – it totally gave me the shits and very few giggles.

First the things I liked about it (because well, that will be sooo much quicker)

The Pink Blossom whorehouse was very tastefully decorated for a Chinese brothel with lush interior and visually stunning cherry blossom trees everywhere, and tack-o-rama themed ‘customer service suites’.

Lucy Lui who played the Madam of the Pink Blossom – she was cunning and manipulative, whilst initially maintaining an air of control and artlessness. She had a fabulous wardrobe, some very cool fight scenes and she died with dignity and aplomb (wouldn’t normally mention who karks it but this is the sort of film where you can safely assume 80% of the cast is going to get dead – It was one of those ‘Tarrantino Presents’ films after all even though he had nothing to do with making the film from what I understand).

Ummm… The weather in those parts seemed lovely for that time of year and the Emperor had nice clothes. Yep that’s abut it.

Everything else about this ridiculous film was complete utter crap and probably very expensive complete utter crap.

The plot was non-existent… steal the gold, kill the bad guys.

The narrative (and I’m reluctant to use the term) was rushed and half arsed, a ten dollar story shoved into a two dollar book.

Every single one of the characters were two dimensional, lacking in any personality with which the audience could identify with. Even Russell Crowe couldn’t do anything inspiring with his character Jack Knife (titter, titter, oh so witty) not even with the added eye candy of a bevy of whores and a score of bad habits. :S

And the lead character, the so called Man with the Iron Fists (aka ‘the Blacksmith’ played by director RZA) I’ve heard described as so laid back he’s downright narcoleptic which seems entirely apt! Mind you he did have some ‘fuck off!’ amazing powers of recuperation!

The fight scenes were thick and fast and yet also in slo-mo so you didn’t miss the really groovy unrealistic special effects bits… but the marital arts fan boy sitting in the row in front of me was derisively laughing his arse off so that’s rather telling.

Even the bloody/gory element that you really expect in this sort of movie somehow missed the mark and I don’t think I really cringed even once. It was just so highly theatrical and it was like, fake, fake, fake, fake.

All up it was licking all the flavour off a corn chip then giving it to someone else… all flash and no substance.

What did you expect, an exploding pen?

Posted on December 12, 2012 by borysSNORC

Dum, di, dum, dum. Dum, dum di, dum di dum dum…

Any movie that opens with a motorcycle chase across the roof tops of the Grand Bazaar in Istanbul is okay with me. Went to see Skyfall (again… yep went back for a second viewing) last night and was struck by the gorgeous locations all over again. I mean we know Bond is going to beat the shit out of the bad guys, blow things up, screw the beautiful women, destroy another Aston Martin and shoot stuff up with that pedestrian little Walther he insists on carrying… but kudos to his travel agent over the years! Istanbul, Venice, Thailand, Jamaica, Iceland etc,. So many fabulous locations.

Do you and your friends do that thing at the cinema where you find yourself saying to your companions “I’ve been there!” when some exotic locale pops up on the screen? Myself and BigSal have been apparently insufferable doing this after a few trips through Europe over the years. And Mr K insists on dropping a “I’ve been there” every time a film or TV show is set in New York or Washington now… which is just about every second fucking thing committed to film! Just realized that must be a really boring game for New Yorkers, with every other film set in New York and all. I swear aliens will land on the Earth (long after we’ve destroyed it, thanks to climate change denial, of course), find our film archives and think there were only three noteworthy cities on the entire planet – New York, Washington and Los Angeles. How sad is that? But anyway I digress…

I have to say, I think Daniel Craig may well be my favourite Bond ever. He’s moved from being this impeccably dressed Cold War spy who rarely gets a bruise and orders his pretentious watered down martinis, to something a lot less Inspector Gadget and a bit more Jason Bourne. He gets shot, bleeds occasionally, falls down, makes mistakes and oh my gawd, even gets dirt on his tux when thrown into a pit with a komodo dragon.

Sam Mendes is an awesome director and his American Beauty style is quite evident in Skyfall… one particular visually dramatic fight scene has Sam Mendes’ name written all over it. Bond and one of his current nemesis’ henchmen were beating the shit out of each other, but I was just mesmerised by the unusual light show on display in the background.

I wasn’t much fussed on Javier Bardem as Silva, The Bad Guy. Which is really odd considering that he is usually makes a quintessential bad guy… probably something to do with the dreadful peroxide blonde hair do they gave him and the strangely out of place sexual overtures that he made towards Bond during an interrogative scene which sees Bond’s usually unflappable demeanour seem to slip slightly. 🙂

I also love the new Q. He’s perfect for the job in the new millennia. Seemingly highly educated, tech savvy, ridiculously young and with that slightly socially inept, dry internet sense of humour we’ve all come to love and loathe from the geeks in our lives, He is played by Ben Wishaw and there’s a nice interplay between Q and Bond as the young whippersnapper vs the cold war dinosaur.

The other thing I love about the Bond movies are the Bond women… M, of course is the inimitable Judi Dench, Moneypenny is a bit forgettable in my book and then there’s the ones whose names we barely learn but who Bond beds quicker than you can say ‘who’s your Daddy?’. Always absolutely stunningly beautiful women with their air of danger and/or vulnerability about them. Bérénice-Marlohe is Sévérine, Silva’s long kept mistress/prisoner whose tragic history finds Bond’s soft sport and tugs at the heartstrings of the ruggedly handsome old spy in this film.

All up, Skyfall is a great Bond film and I enjoyed it more second time round… I think the Bond franchise is getting better and better.

My only question is – what colour is her nail polish? 🙂

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EDIT: After THIRD viewing… Warning: Small Spoilers!

Let me make this clear, I took the Moderately Sized Child to go see this today, not because I thought it was such a great film, not because I wanted to see it for a third time, not because I felt it was something he had to see… but rather because it’s 35 degrees out and our air con is on the fritz and it’s TightArse Tuesday so tickets cost us only $5 each to go get out of the heat in the middle of the day. But now I have seen it for the third time I have a few more questions than just a vague curiosity about Severine’s nailpolish!

How does ‘M’ use Bond’s Walther (the only handgun they had) at the Skyfall manor when it is supposed to be ‘imprinted’ with Bond’s own palm print?

Speaking of the Walther, why does Q insist on giving him such a stupid little gun when he’s up against guys with TEC-9 semi-auto machine guns with up to 50-72 rounds in the mag?

And speaking of Q, who is supposed to be the best, up and coming bright young thing that MI6 has to offer – what the fuck was he thinking when he plugged Silva’s computer into their ‘secure’ system?

And lastly, how come every time there was a long sweeping landscape shot across the Scottish moors, I kept expecting to see Kate Bush in a horrific red dress, with a bad perm, doing a bizarre late 70s interpretative dance to ‘Wuthering Heights’?