Sara Lee Meme… layer upon layer upon layer

Posted on December 7, 2008 by borysSNORC

9 Layers A meme to peel away the layers of you… swiped from Avitable

Layer One:
Name: borysSNORC ™
Birth date: January 11
Birthplace: Toowoomba, Qld Australia
Current Location: Brisneyland, Qld Australia
Eye color: Grey sometimes blue
Hair Color: Blonde
Height: 5′ and 0.5″… that 0.5″ is very important
Righty or Lefty: Right-handed.
Zodiac sign: Capricorn

Layer Two:
Your Heritage: Mongrel bred. Mum’s side – 100% German. Dad’s side – Convict scum of English/Irish descent arrived in Australia on the First Fleet.
The shoes you wore today: Barefoot most of the day.
Your weakness: Hypercritical
Your fears: Being in pain forever.
Your perfect pizza: Pizzaland Super Seafood w~ extra anchovies
Goal you’d like to achieve: One measely day without pain.

Layer Three:
Your most overused phrase on AIM: Ptbtbtbtbtbtb!
Your first waking thoughts: Ow, Ow, Ow! Fuckity Ow!
Your best physical feature: Dunno… little feet?
Your most missed memory: Sleeping like a baby and waking up refreshed.

Layer Four:
Pepsi or Coke: Neither. Both will kill you.
McDonalds or Burger King: McChucks
Single or group dates: Yes please.
Adidas or Nike: Who the fuck cares?
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Lipton Lemon Ice Tea.
Chocolate or vanilla: Gourmet Vanilla Bean flavour thanks
Cappuccino or coffee: Vodka

Layer Five:
Smoke: Smoked from 15-26 and just decided not to buy any more.
Cuss: Like a truckie.
Sing: I could… but be warned… it wouldn’t be pretty
Take a shower everyday: Can’t sleep unless I’ve just had a shower
Do you think you’ve been in love: Hells yes… many times.
Want to go to college: Been there, wouldn’t mind studying again.
Liked high school: High school was okay, neither fabulous nor traumatic
Want to get married: Is that a proposal? If so… does it come with diamonds?
Believe in yourself: Yes.
Get motion sickness: Nope.
Think you’re attractive: Dunno… comme si, comme ça
Think you’re a health freak: Sorry I am not familiar with this term…
Get along with your parents: Yes
Like thunderstorms: I love running around in storms getting drenched.
Play an instrument: No. Wish I had learned piano but probably wouldn’t be very good – I have tiny hands

Layer Six: In the past month….
Drank alcohol: Yes mostly wine
Smoked: Not tobacco
Done drugs: More than I can list.
Made out: Bunches
Gone on a date: Yes. Dates are fun
Gone to the mall: Unfortunately yes and too often for my liking.
Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No and ‘No’ to Oz equivalent – Tim Tams
Eaten sushi: Yes probably every other week
Been on stage: Not since high school.
Been dumped: Not since high school.
Gone skating: Not since high school.
Made homemade cookies: No. Can’t be fucked.
Gone skinny dipping: Not in the last six months. Good idea though.
Dyed your hair: Yesterday
Stolen anything: Unless Mr K’s change that he leaves in little piles around the house counts – then probably ‘no’.

Layer Seven: Have you ever….
Played a game that required removal of clothing: Of course.
Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Of course.
Been caught “doing something”: Of course.
Been called a tease: Probably… but I think in jest….
Gotten beat up: No.
Shoplifted: Makeup when I was in high school.
Changed who you were to fit in: No. Can’t be fucked.

Layer Eight:
Age you hope to be married: Will probably remarry at 59-60 when Mr K carks it.
Names of children: Small Child
Describe your dream wedding: Fuck the wedding. Elope. Hindsight’s 20/20
How do you want to die: Bad question for someone as medicated as I am.
Where do you want to go to college: Maybe Monash Psych Distance Ed.
What do you want to be when you grow up: Pain free
What country would you most like to visit: Morocco, Alaska, China…

Layer Nine:
Number of drugs taken illegally: More than one and less than some..
Number of people I could trust with my life: Quite a few people actually. I wonder if this is because I really trust them or currently feel that my life isn’t worth shit.
Number of CDs that I own: 300-400
Number of piercings: Three
Number of tattoos: Three again
Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Three-ish.
Number of scars on my body: Dunno… at least 12
Number of things in my past I regret: None. Regret is a total waste of energy

You might not know that I…

Posted on November 20, 2008 by borysSNORC

After all the depressing shit going on lately, I thought today I ought inject a little levity and write something nonsensical and unimportant. So I’ve stolen a meme (as you do when you’re after something redundant or ridiculous to write about) from SnackiePoo cos she rocks. Throroughly Trivial Thursday commences … now!

You might not know that I…

… wish I’d been skydiving before I fucked my back at 19
… sleep with my hair spread above my pillow so I don’t get caught up in it
… have bottles and bottles of perfume I rarely wear
… love the breathless way Marilyn Monroe talks
… have a tattoo of a fleur-de-lys on my right shoulder
… can’t stand working under daylight balanced bulbs
… am unable to say no to a mango Weiss bar
… have a tendency to ‘write people off’ if they’ve wronged me or my family
… need to keep my DVDs and CDs in alphabetical order
… have to arrange my books by topic, then height and size
… would consider homicide if I was promised a life without pain
… wear kids shoes and can buy designer sneakers dirt cheap
… never wear lipstick as it feel thick and suffocating on my lips
… have had five miscarriages and I try not to think about it
… sort my clothes in my closet and on shelves by colour
… have several sets of dictionaries and thesaurus in the house.
… always wanted to learn to ride a motorbike
… feel deflated every time I see the small holes in my living room ceiling
… am hyperflexible which is weird for someone with a bad back
… have 650 wallpapers on my iPhone but have only used one* since I got it
… like my shower really hot to distract from the pain of standing still
… would love to live in France for a year or two
… often feel that no one really gets me at all
… have to wash my hands every time I get food on them when cooking
… feel disconnected and naked if I leave my mobile phone at home
… wish I could sing opera or play an instrument
… don’t like using sunscreen because it feels greasy and disgusting
… never walk away from a disagreement or argument until it’s resolved
… used to hunt cane toads with my sisters when we were kids
… dislike jigsaw puzzles because I hate the disorder
… have to buy pink toothbrushes for myself
… like my eggs sunny side up and yolks unbroken
… feel pissed off when companies discontinue my favourite products
… love hunting for old books on eBay but hate expensive postage
… hate it when I make grammatical errors because I can’t type as fast as I think
… want to have a beautiful cottage garden
… like heavy marble bookends
… have no respect for people who don’t mean what they say
… like kitchenware shops and always buy things I don’t need
… think that you can be in love with more than one person at a time
… always wanted to build the Small Child a proper cubby house
… like purple and red as a colour combination
… don’t like low clunky windchimes but like light tinkling ones
… hate using a kitchen knife if it has a greasy or slippery handle
… have had more general anaesthetics than I can count
… refuse to take umbrage on someone else’s behalf
… always try to accept people based on their interactions with me personally
… can always tell if someone has moved anything in my house
… like roast sandwiches smothered in gravy
… don’t like people (especially children) going into my bedroom
… love sex but the bump and grind often aggravates my back pain
… think I’d look good in convertible Mercedes painted Cherry Crush
… am fiercely loyal and protective to my friends and family
… can make crème brûlée but rarely do because it’s fussy and fattening
… used to be able to strip and assemble and SLR in under 45secs
… sort my pins, cottons and embroidery threads into colour groups
… have wanted to see the Maldives since I was in my teens
… don’t like coffee, coke or chocolate
… love my little boy so much I’d hate to ever leave him
… dislike cats enormously
… have ten embryos in the freezer and don’t know what to do with them
… don’t feel comfortable sharing my bed with someone unless I’m in it first
… hate asking for help with things I should be able to do myself

* it’s late…I might explain this particular weirdness tomorrow

Sooooo happy with my wash.

Posted on July 12, 2008 by borysSNORC

I acknowledge that I’m a shameless consumer.

I’m an absolute Bowerbird who likes the shiny new toys and gadgets as much if not more than the next guy. And like many others the world over I have a tendency to cheer myself up occasionally through the much maligned frivolous past time of Retail Therapy (so long as there’s a well defined shopping agenda :). Usually I’m shopping for books – classic literature or reference books on art, history, heraldry, jewelery, embroidery, medieval research stuff and occasionally etymology.

I’m also guilty of buying the odd bottle of nail polish for the same reason. Sigh. Okay… okay… I confess there must be in excess of 110 shades of pink and red in the box by now as I’ve a long established habit of splurging on nail polish after IVF disappointments or on bad back days and let’s face it, I’ve had more than my fair share of that sort of crap. Reference books are easy to rationalize as they’re items that will give years of good use and nail polish is easy to rationalize too… simply by virtue of being a cheaper addiction than…. say… shoes.

But I think I’ve done my dash and very possibly destroyed any potential future retail therapy happiness from future shiny acquisitions in one foul swoop on Friday by obtaining a much coveted 3G iPhone. This thing is so cool, so sleek, so beautiful and exquisitely designed. It is the ’00s accoutrement of choice for technophiles on every continent and now that I’ve gotten my hands on one it’s not hard to see why.

I am reminded of that Boston Legal episode where Jerry Espinson’s girlfriend and fellow Asperger’s sufferer Leigh Swift has objectophilia and she leaves him for an iPhone. The rest of his co-workers don’t bat an eyelid and just say “She left him for an iPhone? Well… they are rather sexy.”

‘Sexy’ may well be the understatement of the decade…. I spent half this morning pfaffing around updating contacts, playlists, photos and calendars etc to upload into the fancy schmancy iPhone and I was actually quite startled this afternoon when

sir_phil

called me and I said : “Oh my God!!! It’s a phone too!!!”

😀

Ow Ow Ow! Fuckity Ow!

Posted on July 9, 2008 by borysSNORC

I NEVER asked for the anal probe!
I never ASKED for the anal probe!
I never asked FOR the anal probe!
I never asked for the ANAL PROBE! Goddammit!!!

And yet… I feel rather like I just got totally reamed complete with sandy lube on this one.

My little dawg Caesar had a tick on him last night. I discovered it about 11pm so it was off to the all night vet. Now I know very little about animal and puppy medicine and even less about paralysis ticks so it was one of those situations where you just have to trust in the guy in the costume and take their advice. Last night he told us that we seemed to have found the tick fairly early and his symptoms weren’t too far gone (i noticed he was kinda coughing and he was walking like he was drunk or something – I was all ready to accuse Angus of getting Caesar stoned but remembered that Angus doesn’t go to the State School anymore so is no longer likely to get easy access to serious narcotics or hallucinogenic substances.

Anyway one mercy dash to the vet clinic later and 18 hours of puppy admitted for ‘treatment’ (wasn’t overly defined at the time) and I get the bill… for

FIVE HUNDRED AND TWENTY DOLLARS

and how many cents…. mumble fuck… mumble fuck… pfaff with papers … here it is

FIVE HUNDRED AND TWENTY DOLLARS AND FORTY ONE CENTS!!!!

Holy shit I could have bought a new one with that much money! (Yeah i know – bad joke)

So it makes me think you know… I love my dog but… at what point does affection for your mutt overcome your need to oh, I don’t know buy groceries and maybe pay the rates or something?
.

It’s your Birthday Budddee.

Posted on June 26, 2008 by borysSNORC

Small Child had his 7th Birthday today. I know parents the world over are fond of saying how quickly they grow up – but it’s true. Feels like barely a couple of months ago that we bought him home from the hospital. He was tiny 5lb7oz with a head hardly the size of a largish apple that fit in the palm of my (little though they are) hands and the little bugger wouldn’t breastfeed to boot… so, well… to be totally honest I was scared shitless. I know we all expect the sickly sweet Johnston and Johnston version of instant mother-baby bonding bullshit and we’re not supposed to admit it if we don’t immediately love our babies… but my experience of early motherhood certainly didn’t resemble the brochure.

He went from being in a Special Care Unit for premature babies and being watched over 24/7 by well qualified midwife/nurse types to being handed over to me to take home. Honestly?!? What the fuck were they thinking? I was in hospital for 9 days after a c-section delivery and most of that time Angel spent in the Prem Unit until the last two nights where they roomed him in with me and I was supposed to demonstrate that he was feeding okay and would be fine to go home.

I can’t remember why I was so frightened that they might send me home without him, but it was the last thing I wanted so I did what every terribly neurotic and hormonal post-natal woman with extremely bad judgment does in a situation like that … I lied my arse off. I told them that he’d fed well and that he slept for about 2-4hours at a time. The Truth™ was that he definitely wasn’t feeding properly and he was sleeping for barely 20-30mins at a time before waking up hungry again…. which means that I was waking up every 20-30mins and attempting to feed him each time.

At the end of the two sleepless nights where the Small Infant flatly refused to sleep the pediatrician came to see me to assess how things were going and decide whether or not we could all go home together. So now we have a SLEEP DEPRIVED terribly neurotic, hormonal post-natal woman with extremely bad judgment lying her arse off to the good doctor so they’ll let her go home – all I remember of that particular interview was that I was trying hard to smile and make it seem like everything was okay while simultaneously fighting a concrete certainty that everyone around me was talking to me under water! I struggled and I mean REALLY struggled to keep my mind on what the doctor was saying and I was convinced they would see right through me and would decide to keep the Small Infant in hospital.

The only other time I have ever felt even remotely that sleep deprived was on my way to London back in ’95 when our 28hr long haul flight turned into a 46hr long haul nightmare due to an overweight business man on the flight having a heart attack over Tehran which necessitated in our being unceremoniously re-routed to Bahrain for several hours before being eventually dumped in Heathrow feeling like rung out dishrags. Ah.. but I digress.

Post-natally hormonal, more than usually paranoid, extremely stressed, totally inexperienced, positively exhausted new Mom who felt like she’d just come straight from a week in a ‘well lit room in Gitmo’ and thought people were talking to her underwater got handed one tiny underweight, 4 weeks premature Small Infant with no suck reflex, that refused to feed, slept only in 30min blocks and would go into infant shutdown on not infrequent occasions with an admonishment from the pediatrician that if same Small Infant didn’t put on weight over the next week he would be readmitted – a recipe for success if you ever heard one! Ah… Good times people… good times.!

It must have been night on 4 months before I started to enjoying having him around and I like to think I’ve gotten better at all this since then. 🙂