The Head O’ State Obama Dildo

“When you go down to the webs today,  you’re sure of a big surprise.
When you go down to the webs today, you’d better go in disguise.
For every scare that ever there was, is gathered there for certain because,
Today’s the day the interwebs, getcha with the next click!” 

You expect the weird, unusual and downright wrong to come jump out of you when you’re cruising the internet for something.  But sometimes the weirdest things come out at you when you’re least expecting it.  I was looking for an old West Wing related quote… and instead found this –

Head of State US president sex toy dildo

Now, I’ve never been accused of having hypersensitive sensibilities and I know people like all sort of unusual adult novelties and toys.  Besides, who am I to judge what ‘does it for ya’ in the privacy of your own home?  But, the “Head O’ State Commemorative Edition Obama Dildo?”  *sigh*  Just…  I… WHY???

I guess it’s just a matter of different strokes for different folks, so on the off chance anyone reading this actually wants to BUY one of these (am assuming for a conversation starter or something, because I can’t possibly see how it would be a turn on in the bedroom!), then you can buy one here!   🙂


I’ve been watching the US version of Shameless recently and I absolutely love it!  It’s one of those shows that have you thinking “WTF?  Does anybody actually live like this?” as it has absolutely no common ground or recognizable connections with the rather more civilized, law abiding and responsible world that I choose to live in.   But I adore Joan Cusack, and Shameless has Joan Cusack in it, so of course it’s amazing!

sheila frank gallagher dildo eggplant

She plays Sheila, an agoraphobic germophobe who is outwardly normal whilst being oddly naïve, yet simultaneously weird, kinky and morally questionable!?!  How ever does she manage that?  Sheila is the love interest to the main character Frank Gallagher – a parasitic alcohol fuelled narcissist who has six kids at home (played superbly by William H. Macy).  Frank mostly bludges off his kids but largely leaves to fend for themselves headed by his eldest daughter Fiona, the overwrought high school drop out who tries her damnedest to keep the family ticking along.  The relationship between Frank and Sheila is hilarious.  He moves in with to take advantage of her disability cheques and what appears to be fantastic home cooking… but in return he has to put up with her VERY unorthodox bedroom habits which, let’s just say tend to leave him unable to walk properly!

shameless tv series US sheila frank

Joan Cusack is absolutely awesome in this role.  She brings a slightly wild-eyed craziness to her otherwise straight laced suburban housewife character.  I think I’ve loved just about everything I have ever watched Joan Cusack in, back from Sixteen Candles, Grosse Pointe Blank and High Fidelity.  She has this quirky je ne sais quoi, and tends to pick the most unusual roles, that every time you see her name pop up in the credits you just know you’re going to be in for something fabulous.

tv show william macy joan cusack

PS – I probably wouldn’t recommend this show to anyone if violence, bad language, child neglect and extremely questionable behaviour are a problem for you – all those things we abhor in real life but for some reason are strangely entertaining in a ‘pain + distance = humour’ kinda way…


What ARE you looking for?

Blogging is one of those weird modern day phenomena that I never imagined I would end up participating in.  It seems so counter intuitive.  Keeping diaries or journals has traditionally been an intrinsically private endeavour to allow someone to record their personal thoughts and save them to reflect on later.  So, it seems excessively odd that many of us feel compelled to write down our personal thoughts in an electronic blog/journal/diary thing and then leave them deliberately lying about on the ginormous metaphorical coffee table that is the Internets, so that any anonymous random stranger can pick them up and start flicking through your thoughts at random.

I started this blog on the suggestion of an IVF counsellor who felt my frustrations and disappointments were eating away at me at a rapid rate of knots.  She was entirely right about this if nothing else.  At the time I had an overwhelming vortex of IVF crap swirling around in my head… so I took her advice and thought I’d start a journal.  Given that I can type at 80-90wpm and handwrite at about 30wpm it seemed logical to start a blog rather than go out and stock up on Moleskines or something equally clichéd.  Initially I found it difficult to articulate how I felt (yeah, whatever scoffing away!), but eventually I convinced myself it would be cathartic to get it all out.  Over time the blogging about painful personal accounts of IVF disappointments and chronic back pain, gave way to ranting about the inequities of customer service, family disagreements, retail therapy and your average run of the mill trials and tribulations of modern day existence… at which point, I didn’t really care too much who was reading nor how they found me.

But find me they did and from the weirdest possible places.  Since switching this blog to WordPress I’ve had access to more detailed site stats which tell me how many people come read my crap (between 80-100 on an average day), but the really interesting bit is HOW they got here.  The stats also tell me what people are Google searching that land them on my drivel laden pages.  Some of these search terms are interesting, some are  hilarious and some of them are just plain weird. This is a list of the (occasionally alarming) search terms that have directed people to my blog over the last three months.

Things people Google search and end up on :

fast fact about pakistan
munch the scream
medieval tents
narwhals song
narwhal narwhal song
narwhals song lyrics
lady poo bum
monkeys with knives and guns
hokey pokey Shakespeare
nazi clown
1975 نيسان باترول
latex amateur
beautifull female tourister fucked by tour guide
cute picture of pepe le pew skunk and cat
robert downey proverbs
pattern for ken doll
goat porn
fingernail plastic surgery
af beelding timebomb
old bunny man
ortho surgeon bedside manner
clown midget with teeth
black widow fucked
stfu logo
why do people read henry james
burning g60 4wd
fucked up easter bunny
cock breath
doinğ eco vomen porn
black grile in skert showing evrything
captain america doll
brown hairy dog
burpengary police station neighbor from hell abuse and terrify
qld firearms licence delay
dita von tesse fellation
black widow sweat
buying gold and diamonds
letters about god save the queen
cadbury drinking chocolate caramel
head lice definition
g60 patrol
avengers security guard
chupa chups calories
restrained elegance don’t get nosy
psych s01e02
auro redamant artwork
lucius vorenis
metal health
eddie izzard learning latin
winnie ille pu
fucking panis
nissan datsun strong
quiet please
dissimilar tea light holder
anzac cove trenches
viper pilot cosplay
frozen coke icon
paralysis ticks WA
cartoons greeting one another
women’s weekly 2008 pink parlour
hairy ass plugging
bedroom door signs
3d painful images with quotes
hi dear?how`s your day?
tommy trainspotting
strange zombies
world of warcraft boryssnorc
it was a really pretty meadow

traffic stats site management google results image

Chronic internet pornography consumption

TED Talk – The Great Porn Experiment

Makes me wonder if any of my friends have internet porn addictions?  Not something I really remember worry about back in the day when I was on the dating scene, but no doubt something that will become more and more of an issue as we raise internet savvy but socially ill-adept young people.

It reminds me of a conversation I had with a friend a few years ago.  She was about 25 at the time, and had recently spent the night with a young man she had been keen on for quite a while.  I think he was about 22 or 23, very attractive, seemingly intelligent, cheeky and extremely confident. But what I remember most about this conversation, and by extension this guy, was that my friend told me after she had spent an intimate evening with him that “it was obvious he has watched way too much porn.”  I didn’t ask her to elaborate on that remark it was a bit TMI for me at the time and I really didn’t need the nasty details.

But now I’ve just watched that TED talk and it seems to confirm my parental nightmares about the free and oh so easy access to hard core pornography that the internet provides.  I’ve long been worried that excessive pornography such as that which is readily available in the safety and comfort in your own living room, even when you’re not looking for it, is damaging the psyches of young people being continuously being exposed to it.  My biggest concern was that it created unrealistic expectations what normal sexual intimacy is between consenting adults… but now, after watching this talk based on these studies, I’m worried about the long term detrimental effects of neurological pathways being formed during a young person’s formative years and the subsequently desensitization and conditioning that occurs in the the brains that men consumers are only able respond to ever increasing quantities and of novel and abhorrent hard corn pornography.  Scary stuff.

The scariest bit… you ask most men and they’ll tell you most porn is pretty harmless.

chronic pornography depression suicide impotence



Gwar moment.

It feels like a never ending saga.  Since the guy next door was foolish enough to threaten us with violence in front of the police and get himself arrested, things have been relatively quiet on the Northern Front. Likely due to Daleyacunt being on some sort of good behaviour bond until he goes to court.  “Relatively” being the operative word here of course.  Mostly they’ve just switched from full on aggression and threats of violence towards us to passive aggression, and they seem determined to vex us in any way possible.

They’ve still been having their drag ’em down, knock her around arguments, but they’ve been playing loud music to cover up when they are hurling abuse at each other.  Daleyacunt, a man in possession of limited intellectual capacity, honestly doesn’t seem to realize that in doing so, they are merely creating an environment where they have to scream even louder at each other – making themselves ever more audible to their neighbours.   Sigh…

Instead of continuing to threaten to poison our our dog he has taken to taunting poor PuppyGuts with food on the other side of the fence, which sends the poor little guy into a tailspin (almost literally) as he runs back and forth along the fence trying  to get to it.  As far as I can tell, he hasn’t fed Oscar anything else yet, but I’ve had to take to locking Oscar inside (poor thing) for his own protection when ever I go out.

Thus far they appear to have refrained from the continued use of poisons on our garden, but  Dickhead Dale (yes, I’m getting sick of the endearing nickname his girlfriend has bestowed upon him) is still turning on that leaf blower at stupid o’clock in the mornings and he’s added Chainsaws After Dark to his repertoire… so we had chainsaw song over dinner on Wednesday night, though for the life of us we haven’t been able to figure out what he was actually using it on… if indeed he was actually using it, odds are he was just making noise to annoy us.

It feels like we are living next to a time bomb.  No wait, I shouldn’t be speaking for Mr K and the Small Child in this matter… but I sure as hell feel like I am living next to a time bomb, just waiting for the next explosive and ill-advised temper tantrum.  I’m watching my poor dog like a hawk, tip toeing around the house when I’m home alone so they don’t know when we are home and when we are out.  Hoping like hell he doesn’t damage the property or put the place on fire when I do leave the house – because he’s evidently THAT STUPID.  It’s like having a huge festering boil next door and I’m just sitting here waiting for it to spew pus and vitriol all over us… again.  🙁  Nothing like having the peace and comfort of your own home compromised by elements (read: hairy unwashed miscreants) beyond your control!!!

neighbour asshole domestic violence suburbs

Basically I think we might correctly boast that we are living next door to one of the stupidest bogans in the entire country.  He has neither commonsense nor sound judgement, nor (apparently) the ability to control his own temper.  But most alarming of all, of late he is demonstrating that he does not seem to be in possession of a self preservation instinct!  Honestly, does anyone think it seems wise to continue to deliberately antagonize the Complainants in your upcoming court case; the very same people who are in the process of dealing with your landlord and taking out a Peace and Good Behaviour Order against you?

Oh wait, he doesn’t know about those bits yet…