Somewhere over the Rainbow… Dildo.

Last week a friend sent me a picture of yet another ‘novelty’ butt plug, this time with a political theme (posted here: Butt wait, there’s more) which I take as fair and just retribution for spamming everyone with the My Little Pony Fleshlights and the story of the Door Stop Butt Plug lately… but seriously?  Am I to become everyone’s Go To Gal for every weird sex toys and erotic paraphernalia from now on?  Because honestly, I am not searching for this stuff, I’m not stumbling on this stuff… you lot are sending me this stuff now!

I’m starting to feel some sort of perverted consumer product reviewer who gets sent random sex toys in their (e)mail so they can ‘Try it and share it with your friends!’.

Here is the latest offering – a 3D printed DIY Rainbow dildo/vibrator complete with flashing lights and brown-chicken-brown-cow soundtrack:

Actually, I think it’s kinda pretty… anyone got a friend with a 3D printer?

Butt wait, there’s more.

Seems to be a bit of an ongoing theme starting up here, and I’m not so sure I’m so keen on it.  I know that many of my friends are aware that I like bees… and sometimes they send me things that are covered in bees.  They are also aware of my fascination with otters (cute and sweet river otters that is, not the horrible rapey sea otters ones – you can keep those!), and have a tendency to send me cute internet otter pictures all the time.

But, now I am worried that after two recent posts and one oldish post about sex toys, I am now getting a reputation for being some sort of butt plug connoisseur!  Like there should even exist such people as experts on butt plugs!  Because THIS turned up in my inbox today from a well meaning friend whom shall remain nameless (though I bet you can all imagine who sent it anyway!)…

putin my arse ass butt plugI mean as a political statement, I’m right behind it (pun intended)… Putin can shove his anti-gay sentiments where the sun don’t shine and why not a customized butt plug to help protest his blatant homophobia?  There’s an absurd logic there, I can’t help but admire.

However,  if I’ve suddenly become everyone’s ‘go-to gal’ for sending aberrant butt plug pictures to… then, I think I have rather rapidly gained an absolutely, entirely and totally unwarranted new reputation that may need to be seriously addressed!  Well, as seriously as you can while laughing over a Putin My Ass Butt Plug!

What’s wrong with you people?


It’s not me… it’s you!

I write crap here all the time, mostly because I enjoy writing it, and less so because I think people enjoy reading it… because well, let’s face it, most of what ends up here is drivel. Behind the scenes, the handy dandy little widgety thingamebob on the stats page tells me if people actually read the complete and utter nonsense that I am spewing forth with alarming regularity on an unsuspecting public… and it is telling me that you people are weird bastards!  I may have written it, but look how many of you clicked through to read about recontextualized sex toys, of all things!

Seriously?  What is wrong with you people?   🙂

The Butt Plug Door Stop

A few years ago, no need to dwell on how many exactly, a girlfriend and I were in an adult store shopping (as you do) and wandering among the shelves we saw this monstrosity:

doc johnson red boy

It was a genuine Doc Johnson (no idea who he is), Red Boy Extra Large Butt Plug aka ‘The Challenge’ – a challenge the likes of which I hope I never encounter!  Naturally, we tittered like school girls and wondered who on earth would want to attempt to use such a thing, and at 4.5″ in diameter, who on earth would actually be able to?!?  Talk about abhorrent phenomena!  OMG!

Anyway, I picked it up off the shelve and damn near put my shoulder out, it was so heavy.  I laughingly said “That’s not a butt plug, it’s a fricken door stop!” and momentarily toyed with the idea of buying one for the house, and putting it to just such a purpose.  I snapped a photo on my phone, to show the boys, and we continued on our shopping.  I got home and told Mr K that I’ve found a doorstop I wanted to buy for the foyer and he looked at it, laughed at me and said, “Ahuh, yeah right!”

And so I forgot about it… for a little while.  But several weeks later, I found myself in a bit of a weird mood and convinced my friend Yale into taking me shopping to go buy a door stop.  Now, Yale is 6’9″ tall and as such probably fits the ‘big boy’ stereotype better than most, so when we walked into the adult store and picked up the dirty big butt plug and thumped it down on the counter the chickie at the register actually looked up at HIM, with slightly widened eyes and very professionally said, “Do you need any lube with that, sir?”

Well, we just lost then and there… and emphatically, and laughingly, yelled out “NO!”.  “We’re not going to use it!” I said, and I explained to the chickie that it was destined to spend it’s life as a door stop at which point she kinda breathed out and said “OMG, we have never sold one of these and it was everything I could do to keep a straight face!”   LOL.

We took it home and encountered a disturbing and unexpected side effect of bringing such a thing into the house to be used an everyday object – The Small Child found it ‘interesting’ and played with the packaging for hours!  Vastly amusing at the time, though now he is turning into a typical preteen, he may not agree with me when he eventually finds out what this thing is!

It has become a bit of an odd fixture around here.  We once discovered The Small Child attempting to sit on the doorstop (very disconcerting) and upon enquiry, discovered he was “laying eggs… you know, like a chicken, Mom”.  On another occasion, we found my Mum dusting it, and asking bemusedly “What is this thing anyway?”… and subsequently dropping it like a tonne of bricks on being told it’s intended purpose (luckily it didn’t land on her foot or it might have been off to the ER for x-rays!)

The unusual doorstop has been quite a conversation piece around our place for years now… on the odd occasion it has even made it’s way to the dinner table when people who’ve walked right past it ask, “What door stop?”  Though how you miss it, I don’t know!  It’s enormous!IMG_2534

Now, because I am in the habit of posting about retail experiences, and I know that sooo many of you are going to want to rush out and buy your own Dr Johnson Red Boy Extra Large Doorstop, I thought I’d better find out if they are still available – and you’re in luck! has them in stock, so you can order one here… and to be extra helpful to all you consumer types, I added a handy ‘Butt Plug As A Doorstop’ product review.

My first ever Amazon product review… :

The Head O’ State Obama Dildo

“When you go down to the webs today,  you’re sure of a big surprise.
When you go down to the webs today, you’d better go in disguise.
For every scare that ever there was, is gathered there for certain because,
Today’s the day the interwebs, getcha with the next click!” 

You expect the weird, unusual and downright wrong to come jump out of you when you’re cruising the internet for something.  But sometimes the weirdest things come out at you when you’re least expecting it.  I was looking for an old West Wing related quote… and instead found this –

Head of State US president sex toy dildo

Now, I’ve never been accused of having hypersensitive sensibilities and I know people like all sort of unusual adult novelties and toys.  Besides, who am I to judge what ‘does it for ya’ in the privacy of your own home?  But, the “Head O’ State Commemorative Edition Obama Dildo?”  *sigh*  Just…  I… WHY???

I guess it’s just a matter of different strokes for different folks, so on the off chance anyone reading this actually wants to BUY one of these (am assuming for a conversation starter or something, because I can’t possibly see how it would be a turn on in the bedroom!), then you can buy one here!   🙂