English mother f#@ker! Do you speak it?

It seems Oxford University has compiled a list of the top ten most irritating phrases.  An interesting concept and one I thought would spectacularly depict the rapid bastardization the English language faces with the onset of SMS brevity and gaming and internet jargon.  The top ten most irritating expressions according to Oxford University are as follows –

The Oxford University’s top ten most irritating phrases:
1 – At the end of the day
2 – Fairly unique
3 – I personally
4 – At this moment in time
5 – With all due respect
6 – Absolutely
7 – It’s a nightmare
8 – Shouldn’t of
9 – 24/7
10 – It’s not rocket science

Some of these annoy me too…. especially the “shouldn’t of” instead of “shouldn’t have”.  I have a tendancy to infrequently say ‘absolutely’ (even when something is not, in fact, absolute), but it is one that annoys the hell out of me if I’m conversing with someone who says it for every affirmative they wish to utter.  Nothing can be “fairly unique” it either is or it isn’t.  “With all due respect…” is just a polite way of saying “grab your ankles, because here comes my size three boot without the courtesy of lube” so that one I can live with.  But the rest of them are fairly innocuous tautologies or oxymorons.

Naturally being far more wordy in my thoughts, speech and writing habits than is reasonably required for any given situation, I have my own list of idioms that annoy the living crap out of me…

borysSNORC’s list of irksome abuses of the vernacular:

1 – Bunches – get some fucking collective nouns people!
2 – LOL – when someone actually says ‘LOL’ instead of just laughing.
3 – Supposably – for ‘supposedly’… didn’t quite finish 8th Grade did we?
4 – Any gangsta, homie or youth rap idiom… can’t understand a word of it.
5 – Gunna – when did we go from ‘going to’ do things to ‘gunna’ do them?
6 – Like – it’s like, totally like, showing that you can’t like, speak like, English!?
7 – Yoda speech – ‘Yeess. Speak poorly you will’… Kill me now.
8 – You know – oddly, when employed by ESL speakers it gives the appearance fluency.
9 – I can haz – LOLcattian syntax really raises the hackles
10 – Vagina or penis euphemisms – wee wees, doodles, pee pees, winkles, coochies, hoo-hoos… at some point, should we not grant our children more intelligence that this, and call genitals by their anatomically correct terms?

That about covers it, though I’m sure if I sat here long enough or kept coming back it, I’d have a list as long as your arm.

There’s a strange man at my door… ladies ;)

My door bell rang this afternoon which in itself is an occurance uncommon enough as to warrant comment… given that nearly everyone who ever comes to visit me has a key to the house.  :S   Upon opening the door I discovered a man whose identity was unknown to me, standing there with a ‘bunch of flowers’ saying my name in a questioning tone.  When I confirmed to him that I was indeed the name he did mentione, he handed over his ‘bunch of flowers’ and promptly left.

Flowers for me ???  How truly bizarre?!?!  It’s not my birthday – no wait… I never get flowers for my birthday.  It’s not my anniversary – errr no… I’ve never gotten flowers for my anniversary either.   Ummm… there’s been no babies, no deaths, no hospital visits… I give up.

I think I can just about count on one hand how many times I’ve been sent flowers in the last decade which makes this a most unexpected delivery.  So much so that I amused myself for following ten minutes or so taking some photos of them while pondering who might have sent them before opening the card 🙂 

ShagsyWagsy was the culprit!  sir_phil ‘s lovely lady and my new friend who I spent a delightful medieval-ish weekend with is obviously the extravagant type and sent me flowers for making her feel welcome for which I think we can safely read: explaining that we (medieval recreationalists) are indeed a bunch of full blown  weirdos and my attempting to reassure her that it’s all just stuff and nonsense (honest it is!!!) must have helped in some small measure.

Thanks Shagsy… the flowers are beautiful!  And as is obligatory on such occasions… you shouldn’t have!  🙂

Canadian = More North American than he cares to admit :)

Mr K is Canadian.  Now aside from the frequent bad puns… normally we don’t hold his Canadianism against him.  But over the years the one thing that separates Aussies from Canadians even more than the occasional disparity in lingo (trunk = boot; footpath = sidewalk; toilet = bathroom… which for the record we call a toilet because there’s a fucking toilet in there!!!)  there’s a distinct difference in our food preferences.

He’s a peanut butter man and  we’re Vegemite kids through and through.  He grew up in Qld but doesn’t like seafood at all.  Ditto in the mango department…. Huh?  I mean wtf mate?  Who doesn’t like mangoes? He likes strong cinnamon flavoured gum and lollies… bleurk.  Has a penchant for something called Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups.  He refuses to acknowledge that Root Beer tastes the same as Sarsparilla even though the ‘root’ in his root beer is well…well it’s fucking sarsparilla dude!  Get over it.  His idea of a BBQ used to be hot dogs or hamburgers only but I beat this one out of him.  He’s been known to eat bacon on pancakes AND inflict that on other people.

But the worst culinary infringement must be the occasional appearance in my panrty of the disgusting victual (and I use the term loosely) known as… the Pop Tart.  Oh my God these things are awful!  They’re a confectionery masquerading as a breakfast food and I’ve not looked it up but I’ve a strong suspicion there’s no acutally food content in them.  But wait there’s more…. becuase they’re not readily available Down Under they cost a ridiculous $9 a box here from a specialty lolly shop in the city.  Yes a lolly shop not a grocery store.

Every time he brings home a new flavour I’m tempted to try a little nibble to 1) try to ascertain why Americans seem to love them and 2) investigate if any of them are acually edible.  My findings thus far?  Haven’t found an edible one yet.
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How many can you fit in the box… Ladies!

For the last few years Spring War has been one of my favourite events.  The drive isn’t too tedious at roughly 9 hours from BrisVegas, the event is usually laid back and cruisey but the real draw card is that it sees us plonked in the middle of the Hunter Valley for the weekend so at least one day is skivved off war for the Spring War winery tour  🙂  

My first year at the Spring War Winery Tour I managed to bring back two cartons of wine and a couple of fancy bottles of cellar door only ports (didn’t have a lot of car space that year).  Subsequent years saw us packing the car as light as possible so I could fit in 3 or 4 cartons of wine on the trip home.  But this year here was no Spring War for me (didn’t think my back would enjoy the drive :S) so the wine rack was starting to look rather empty and in dire need of restocking.

Yay for November Crown in Innilgard!  Sir Phil, his lovely lady and I added an additional day onto our trip to go chortling around the vineyards of the Barossa.  We didn’t have time to do a full assault on the area so we had a cunning plan to whittle it down to some of our favourites and were keen to try their ‘cellar door only’ stocks.  We stopped at Grant Burge, St Halletts and Peter Lehmanns before breaking for lunch at a little cafe in Tanundra.  We also managed to squish in Penfolds and Saltrams in too as well as a strange little place selling honey mead and… of course… did a fly by through Maggie Beers Farm Shop for stocking up on gourmet goodies.  It would have been nice to have more time and see more of the little unknkown wineries but…. Virgin waits for no man and we had to high tail it back to the airport.

It was a really fantastic day… good friends… great conversation (Ladies)… beautiful countryside… fabulous wines (and fortifieds :P) to try… and cheap delivery rates to BrisVegas.  I sent a carton of wine each from Grant Burge, Saltrams and Peter Lehmanns and now just have to wait for the boxes to turn up.  I can’t wait to get into the Grant Burge Age Unknown Muscat which was definitely a highlight 🙂

So yeah… other than missing my boys it would make a pretty good Groundhog Day… well maybe if there was fresh mangoes, a massage and sex in there somewhere 🙂
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November Crown

Well Crown has come and gone and talk about a busy weekend. I flew down on a horror flight on Friday which saw me sitting beside one infant whose parent was allowing her to smoosh banana covered fingers all over the place including on me and another infant behind me who screamed the whole way and seeming to scarcely stop long enough to draw breath the whole trip.

But we got here in one piece and there was a little uncertainty ok that point at one stage as I don’t think I’ve ever been on such a turbulent flight. Innilgaard is a slightly larger, slightly more picturesque and slightly less sleepy version of Toowoomba. The site was fantastic surrounded by actual oak trees and beautiful green medows (yes it was a very pretty meadow) and the weather was fantastic for the fighters – overcast and about 19 degrees.

Sir Philipe did exceptionally well in a rather strange tourney format (no one except the King seemed to know what was going on at any given point on time) and we were all very proud of him for being in the final… I admit as his consort I was quite nervy through the last bouts but it was great fun and I can’t wait to do it again.

Funniest bit was watching MrC pace like an expectant father in a hospital corridor in a bad seventies sitcom… I think he was even more nervous than Sir Phil or me!

Anyway more to follow and perhaps some pics when I get home.. cos I am positively stuffed!!!