Look Mom! No rants!

Posted on February 6, 2008 by borysSNORC

I’m being encouraged to focus on stuff other than painful things, so I’m not going to rant on today about my back pain, I’m going to post some cool pics of nonsense. Unfortunately, we’re likely to be back to our regular programming tomorrow.

For the last three years, whenever someone asks Angel what’ he’d like for his Birthday or Christmas or any other gratuitous-occasion-for-the bestowal-of gifts he will inevitably answer with an emphatic “Lego!”. As the years have gone on this answer has become “Lego… obviously… ummm what else?” So today for everyone’s inner child…. (whom according to Blography Dave you occasionally have to tell to ‘go fuck themselves’) we have Lego pics which have nothing to with chronic pain and/or subsequent major depressive episodes.

“These have nothing to do with anything….
…. and everything to do with nothing.”
RMB

High(way) Anxiety

Posted on February 4, 2008 by borysSNORC

Since my last accident I’ve been scared shitless of going anywhere. I mean anywhere. So I’ve been finding all sorts of reasons to avoid having to go out and especially avoiding driving my car. I’m not sure why this is happening now. I’ve a couple of theories but that’s probably all just bullshit.

I’ve been in four serious accidents and only now I’m freaking out on the road? What gives? I’m not an irrational person … most of the time. In fact I consider myself more than ordinarily pragmatic and quite sensible for someone of the female persuasion. Yeah, I don’t care if that’s not particularly PC – most chicks I know drive me nuts with their friggin’ hormonal mood swings and I abhor Drama Queens no matter what flavour they come in… equal opportunity derision there.

So here I am… literally having episodic panic attacks on the road. Someone only has to get within spitting distance of my car from a side street or something and that seems to trigger a memory of my dashboard at an alarming angle as we nearly rolled into the oncoming traffic and an uncontrollable emotional reaction on my part that sees me hanging onto the steering wheel, shaking, and yes there are often tears and the worst of it – an impulse to shield my eyes and look away from the road…. which I am fairly confident is not the sort of thing that is congruent with safe motor vehicle handling practices.

Naturally I am less than impressed about this stunning failure on my part to override or control these impulses….. it doesn’t quite sit with my preferred internal picture of myself as someone who is sensible and capable… unflappable even…. and able to negotiate difficult obstacles with ease. I had an acupuncture appointment across town today, and I realised this afternoon that I have spent the last three days trying to figure out how to get there without having to face the city traffic and the predicted anxiety that is now accompanying expeditions of this nature. Three days worrying about having to drive across town. Apprehensive, anxious, uneasy, nervous, disquieted and distressed about getting in my car and going to an appointment.

It’s exhausting…. and it’s fucked. Just totally fucked. How have I gone from being able to fly off to Pakistan on my own to being someone who doesn’t want to drive to Newstead in six short months??
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To sleep… perchance to dream

Posted on February 3, 2008 by borysSNORC

The drugs really are great… for giving me weird arse dreams that is. When I went to sleep last night, it was gently raining and had been for several hours before I turned in. It was still raining as I was waking up this morning and in that semi-conscious state I had another strange dream.

In my dream I was waking up, but not in my bed… I was in one of the back rooms of my house that is now Mr K’s study/den but used to be our spare bedroom with my big medieval camp bed set up in there. So I was waking up in the medieval bed and cuddling beside me in the bed was Humbibble’s little brother who I don’t really know that well (Humbibble was over last night and talking about his recent 21st birthday – so lets hope that accounts for his bizarro presence in my dream). I’ve never been really comfortable in this room of my house, in my head it’s always been tagged as the bedroom for Angel’s eventual sibling which never came along and in my dream I had a vague awareness of sadness that the room still had no proper occupant. I’ve gotten out of bed and gone over to the window to see if the rain had flooded the yard, which it often does.

I’ve looked out the window, but it wasn’t the window in my spare room, it was the upstairs window from my bedroom as a child t my Mum’s house, and I could see that her fishpond had broken during the night – it’s built above ground and one corner of it had been broken somehow (too much rain? burst some loose bricks? I don’t know). So I’ve gone downstairs at Mum’s house through the back kitchen door, and there was my Mum, my Dad (died a year ago) and Unc (fav uncle) sloshing around in the water trying to save Mum’s fish. They had garbage bins and punchbowls filled with water with huge fish in them that we never knew were in the pond, but Mum’s turtle was no where to be seen and she was quite upset about it.

And then I woke up. In my own bed. Heard the rain on the roof. Then the awareness of severe pain. Just like every other morning.
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What tellest thou me of black and blue? I was beaten myself into all the colours of the rainbow;

Posted on February 2, 2008 by borysSNORC

I’m so sore all the time 🙁

From morning to night. I used a mirror to have a look at my poor back, and as I thought, it’s not my imagination, I’m actually got bruises from the physio. So I really don’t know if it’s a good thing…. the being so determined to suck it up and let them go deep so I can get some movement back. But the mobility comes at a cost…. the pain remains…. and now actual bruises to show for it 🙁

ec·chy·mo·sis

[ek-uh–moh-sis]
– noun, plural -ses.
Pathology : a discoloration due to extravasation of blood, as in a bruise.

-related forms

ec·chy·mo·sis [ek-uh–mot-ik] adjective

Catholic literally means ‘universal’

Posted on February 1, 2008 by borysSNORC

Day Three of Operation Faith Feint. The Undercover Operative, Small Child, has been sent on a most sensitive diplomatic mission – to infiltrate his new educational environment whilst simultaneously dissembling a knowledge of, and adherence to, a religious doctrine to which he has no previous exposure.

Daily debrief:

Mom: Did you have a good time at your new school today Bub?
Small Child: It was great! I got to sit with my new friend, and I got to play and I ate all my lunch.
Mom: Sounds great kiddo.
Small Child: Ahuh…. *pause* but I don’t like the imagining God thing. It’s boring.

Operation status: Absolute failure – imminent.
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