My face aches… and not from smiling.

Feeling decidedly tired and worn down this evening. I’ve been back to my doctor today and was trying to find out if he had some a drug solution for me that would well… actually reduce pain for one, and not leave me feeling so… special. 🙁 And I don’t mean special as in ‘unique and pretty snowflake’ special, but rather special as in ‘you should be wearing a helmet on the bus’ kinda special. 😐 But all he had to offer me that was going to be stronger than what I’m taking is morphine, so you can imagine that I resisted that particular suggestion. Last thing I need is a nice little morphine habit to add to the nonsense. Besides, I hate feeling dopey like I can’t concentrate on anything and my arms and legs feel all heavy and it’s somehow extremely tedious to contemplate doing anything…. and previous experience tells me that morphine is definitely not conducive to feeling alert and in control. 😐

I’ve been here before… pain levels through the roof, and drugs don’t feel like they make a dent in it. The only thing that seems to soothe it is the heat pack and that’s far too temporary for my liking. While I’ve got the heat on, it feels a bit better – at least on the surface – and for about an hour afterwards, not too bad, just the deep aching which is far more tolerable remains. But after an hour or so, the horrible stinging/burning sensation returns across my shoulders, neck and down towards my middle back 🙁 and I’m back where I started from.


Barometer Toe

I’m soooo tired. I hardly slept at all last night. My back is still killing me – feels like I have a small angry colony of ants on my shoulder blades. Which feels as awful as it sounds. I can’t describe it very well actually…. it’s almost like my nerves are overloaded and can’t decide what sort of pain sensation it’s dealing with, and it feels like a burning, stinging sort of pain with a heavy ache from what must be a small elephant or a largish Mondrian-Yellow Pain Monkey (you pick) sitting on my shoulders.

And I’m still feeling uber dopey from the drugs. It’s pretty bad when you feel you have to lay off the drugs in order to go for a drive. But I’m worried if I keep taking the pain killers the doctor gave me that I’m going to end up having another damn accident because it’s making me feel so out of it. I’m not used to the codeine I think, and almost as soon as I take it, I feel drowsy and can feel my mental acuity (what little I have 🙂 slipping away almost immediately, which is making it rather difficult to focus or concentrate on anything. :S

I had a very quiet week, and a mostly pretty quiet, restful sort of weekend, but I’m just not feeling any better…. my wrists are still sore, which is exacerbated from typing this, and I’m having trouble sitting still long enough to get online and see what my friends are up to. I’ve had to harrass other people to brush my hair (Angel really, really sucks at it) cos holding my arms above my head makes me go ICK…. and my toes are still getting intermittently numb.

Yeeessss. This concerns me considerably to be honest. One shouldn’t have numb toes as a general rule and preferably not as a barometer of other intensity of back pain. The physio and the doctor have said this is from the back being in spasm and likely affecting the nerves to the lower extremeties, and that it should calm down… but it’s been a week, and my toes are still numb, so how long?? On the up side….doesn’t one love being able to use the word ‘spasmodic’ in every day conversation? Why…. there’s no felicicity in the world such as being able to say ‘spasmodic’ on a daily basis! 🙁

I think it’s back to the doctor for me this morning.


Hurry up and Wait…

In order to avoid what I was certain was going to be an positively unbearable Mr K on election day, I had arranged to head off up to the Eumundi Markets for the day with 

.  So far so good.  And in order to beat the traffic, get up there in a goodly time frame and (importantly) be able to find a park not too far away from the action, we agreed to meet at my place at 7am for the approx 2 hour trip.  

So much for that!  I waited and waited.  And eventually my patience wore a little thin, so I called him at 0745 to see where he was.  Asleep apparently..   🙁   He’d slept through his alarm and well… that shit me to tears.   So he said, I’ll grab a quick shower and be there in 10mins.  Okay.  So I sat and I waited, and I wonder how fucking long is ten minutes anyway, and he eventually turned up around 0830!!

But the whole time I was waiting, I was literally sitting there trying my hardest not to get pissed off about waiting.  It’s not that big a deal, we didnt really have any pressingly urgent agenda to deal with once we got where we were going… so why was I getting so pissed off?!?!?  I don’t know.  But I just know I hate being kept waiting unnecessarily.  I mean I really fucking hate being kept waiting … for anything really.  And when I am being kept waiting it’s like I’m unable to help myself but to focus all my dislike of ever having been kept waiting on that one presently occuring occasion.  And I get more and more angsty, and more and more pissed off as the minutes tick by.  And even though I promise myself I am not going to gob off in an overtly snarky manner at the first opportunity when they turn up…  I always do!

Cant help myself – I have to go and spew vitriole all over the place or I end up carrying it around all day. 

For the record, I did get over myself, the drive was pleasant, the markets were fun, frivolous purchases were had by all and nary a comment about elections to be found!

Merry Fucking Christmas

I hate Christmas… hate the decorations in the stores in September…. hate the god awful Christmas carols that sound worse than elevator music… hate the imperative to exchange costly gifts… hate the families pulling us in different directions to spend time with them…. hate the minefield of socially required gift giving at work… just hate the whole thing.  I find Christmas to be the most stressful time of year, and if I could boycott it altogether I would.

Except for Angel.   Being six… he loves Christmas, and I love to see his happy face, so now he’s my reason to do the tree, the food, the presents, the whole shebang.  Sigh… wonder how long this has to last.  The beautiful KissBitch sent me an email with her and Darkman dancing about in little elf costumes, and Angel happened to be there when I opened the email…. so naturally he wanted to make one with us in it…. and here ’tis…

Click on the picture for a bit of early Christmas nonsense.  I wonder how long I can put off putting up the tree this year…. December 19th is my record 🙂

I love the smell of latex in the morning…

My bedrooms still smells of latex!

And not in a saucy latex catsuit kinda way… and not in a ‘I dont know why that’s erotic’ Scully latex gloves kinda way…. and not in a ‘how alarming’ latex gimp suit kinda way…. but rather, it smells of latex in an indefinable, slightly industrial kinda way.  And not being a confirmed  lover or even amateur appreciator of all things latex – I’m finding it a bit yuk really.

It’s the new mattress.  When I first got it out of the massive plastic bag it came in, the smell of latex was extremely strong, and I figured it would go away…. eventually.  And while the whole room no longer seems to reek of it, when I go to get into bed at night, I can certainly smell it, and when I wake up in the morning I can smell/taste latex in the back of my throat!  Okay I knew that was going to sound bad but there it is.  🙂