You are Gaius Caesar Germanicus – better known as Caligula!

Third Emperor of Rome and ruler of one of the most powerful empires of all time, your common name means “little boots”. Although you only reigned for four years, brief even by Roman standards, you still managed to garner a reputation as a cruel, extravagant and downright insane despot. Your father died in suspicious circumstances, you were not the intended heir, and one of your first acts as Emperor was to force the suicide of your father-in-law. Your sister Drusilla died that same year; faced with allegations that your relationship with her had been incestuous, you responded, bafflingly, by declaring her a god.

You revived a number of unpopular traditions, including auctions of properties left over from public shows. When a senator fell asleep at one such auction, you took each of his nods as bids, selling him 13 gladiators for a vast sum. You attempted to have your horse, Incitatus, made into a consul and hence one of the most powerful figures in Rome. It was granted a marble stable with jewels and a staff of servants. At one point you forced your comrade Macro to kill himself – in much the same vein as your father-in-law – accusing him of being his wife’s pimp. You, of course, were having an affair with said wife at the time.

Things went from bad to worse. When supplies of condemned men ran short in the circus, you had innocent spectators dragged into the arena with the lions to fill their place. You claimed mastery of the sea by walking across a three-mile bridge of boats in the Bay of Naples; kissed the necks of your lovers, whispering sweet nothings like “This lovely neck will be chopped as soon as I say so,”; dallied with your sister’s lover and made her pull her unborn child out of her womb prematurely. Towards the end of your reign, you had a golden statue of yourself made and dressed each day in the same clothes you yourself wore. When you eventually died, the terrified people of Rome refused to believe that such a cruel reign could ever end, and believed you to be alive for years afterwards.

1. Have you ever kissed someone 16 or older?
Yes and on the arse in the bathtub at that…. stupid question.

2. Have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an A?
Yes, lots of them… Aaron, Adrian, Angus… Amanda  😉

3. Where is your cellular?
Cellular? We call them mobile phones Down Under, and right now I’d have to ring it to find it.

4. What are you doing tomorrow?
Physio followed by fuck all.

5. Why do these surveys always have at least one number missing?
Because they’re created by 12 year olds who can’t count.

6. Ever eaten soap?
Yes… Auntie Kraylene ought to have been reported to Dept of Child Safety for that.

7. Last person to tell you “I love you”?
Angel, But from him, it’s code for “Can I have a Chuppa Chup before breakfast?”

8. Like anyone?
Only after my medication kicks in.

9. What song are you listening to right now?
No songs. Just the dulcet tones of early morning suburbian lawn mowers

10. Is there a place you would like to visit?
I’d like to go into space – maybe weightlessness could equal painlessness.

11. Have you ever fallen into a mud puddle?
No… woken up in one, but don’t remember the falling bit.

12. Do you like winter?
Love it. Love it, Love it,  Yum.

13. Does your screen name have numbers in it?
4 8 15 16 23 42… nah I cant back that up.

14. Are you in a band?
Sadly, no.  I’ve no talent for music.

15. Do you like parties?
Yep, so long as no one recycles their sangria on my bathroom floor.

16. What are you scared of?
Being caught.

17. How long have you had your blog for?
June 2oo5 and I doubt there’s one sensible concept in it ?!?!

18. If you could have sex with a celebrity, who would it be?
Sean Connery… wrinkly sex = hawt!!!

19. If you could own a monkey, would you?
Certainly not. I’ve seen half the Simpsons helper monkey episode.

20. Do you own anything from American Eagle?
No, but they have an ‘undie guide’ on their website, so they can’t possibly be as evil as your average American corporate monstrosity…

21. Do you listen to rap?
Rarely… it only encourages them.

22. Do you listen to country?
Once.  On a bus travelling through Greece and I had no choice in the matter.

23. Favorite Disney movie?
Crash (under the Miramax label but they can’t fool us – it’s still fucking Disney) Starring James Spader and it’s about people who get their rocks off from car crashes.

24. Is your room clean?
Well of course.. and don’t even think about moving anything.

25. Do you have any best friends?
Not anymore… I think I failed to make the balloon payments and they foreclosed on me.

26. Do you have any siblings?
Yes, one’s in pizza and the other’s in insurance.

27. Do you get along with them?
Sure – we can have our pizza and insure it too…

28. Do you regret anything?
I regret not scruffing Alan M. when I had the chance cos I was under the misguided impression that I was a good little Catholic girl.

29. What are you excited about?
Would you believe an impending appointment with a Pain Management Specialist? Sad as that is…

30. Are you an artist?
Yes, thanks to Monsieur Marcel Duchamp I can call my inane doodling ‘art’.

31. Do you have an addiction?
You’d think it’d be drugs of some sort, but it’s actually Frozen Coke and Fruit Tingles

32. Favorite swear word?
It’s too fuckin’ hard to fuckin’ figure out which fuckin’ swear word is my fuckin’ favorite… but fuckit, its probably ‘SHIT’.

33. What did you do today?
Sat on a heatpack, tormented a six year old, downed handfuls of pills, craved Frozen Cokes, watched a documentary about children growing up in brothels, cooked homemade pizza, Hurrah.  

34. Are you enjoying life?
Sometimes… say between 1:17pm and 1:32pm… on every second Thursday.

35. How many pillows do you sleep with?
One,  But I simply must have seven on the bed for aesthetic purposes only.

36. Do you have sex dreams about celebrities?
Don’t know.  I like to think I do, but just don’t remember them because I’d be embarrassed by my wanton behaviour!

37. Do you like hugs or kisses?
Guacamole.

38. Is the glass half empty or half full?
The top half is empty. The bottom half is full.

39. Do you hate anybody?
Doctors who don’t seem to ‘get’ chronic pain.

40. Are you happy right now?
In fleeting moments here and there,  But as soon as you recogise it, it’s gone.

41. Plans for Saturday?
Can’t think that far ahead ATM.

42. What’s on your mind right now?
Is it too soon to take some more pills, and how can I con some one into going out for frozen Cokes???

43. How big is too big?
Depends if your talking about slices of cheesecake or massive penises.  One sixth and eight inches respectively.

44. Been embarrassed in public?
I once peed my pants at school when I was five and had to go to the office for the ‘lender undies’.

45. Miss someone?
Only once… but I usually get them on the second go.

46. Have you been in trouble with the cops?
Nah, only good girls get caught.

47. Where were you born?
Toowoomba.  But I was smart enough to get out when I was 3 mths old.

49. Are you confused about anything right now?
Constantly – but I blame it on the drugs.

50. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?
I try not to let the hand cuffs chaff to much…  😉

Shanghied from Avitable..