I was hired as an Account Manager… and I’m beginning to think that is how they conned me into taking this job.   Innocuous title…. hiding a monumentally chaotic position description.  My role seems to centre around waiting to see who’s cocked up next and seeing how can I bandaid it IMMEDIATELY.

There’s this constant reacting to problems all day long… most of which are caused by factors totally outside my sphere of control….

the IT guys have delayed the proofs going to production….
the client sends you stock folded to A4 when it was supposed to be DL…
someone is away and you end up managing a job you know nothing about….
the mailing machines are down and your mailout doesn’t get completed….
the printed base stock  doesn’t come in on time…

a veritable plethora of stupid little things occupy in my day – none of which, am I able to directly control to avert these incidents occuring.  It reminds me of that old saying ‘ if you want something done properly – do it yourself’…. only in this case I am unable to do so, and find myself having to rely on any number of other, frequently ambivalent, people to do their bit, to enable me to get the jobs completed.

Crisis management… that is what it feels like I do there.  Going from one chaotic cock up to the next and scarcely drawing breath in between.  I’d like to say  ‘Ahem.. how exactly does your ineptitude become my emergency?’  but unfortunately I don’t think it would go down too well   🙁
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I totally thought this guy would end up getting PIPped or something – but nothing. 

None! Nada! Zip!  Nil!  Nothing…. something wrong with this picture.
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I have detected an alarming propensity for blaming various production disasters on those absent at my work. …

The client didn’t approve those proofs? 
Must have been Sloppy Account Manager No 6… she’s on holidays you know and didn’t leave us decent instructions.

The job ran with the various streams mixed in together?
Must have been Dodgy Customer Service Consultant No 3 … she went on maternity leave and didn’t bother updating job instructions.

The work was held up in IT for an additional 48 hours longer than anticipated?
Must have been because the TL was off sick and didn’t sign off on the changes.

It’s endemic of the entire place and seems to pervade the whole process through the building – from the management, through IT, DP (ooh… still not going there!) to the production departments, mailing, despatch…. everyone.   Seems like the done thing is to blame someone else (preferably absent) when job don’t get done.

You should have seen the look of absolute shock I got when I sent some instructions down to despatch that were wrong…. they bought it to my attention that I’d made a mistake and I said “sorry… I fucked up… have only been here a few weeks… will make sure they come down with the right shit attached next time.”  You could have knocked them over with a feather they’re so used to everyone fobbing off the blame for every minute little cock up.

Well – I don’t mind acknowledging my fuck ups.  Especially not on the little stuff.  But… might adopt the company policy for passing the buck if I ever make a big boo-boo and end up costing the company $25,000 in additional postage like my colleague Miss Cheer did this week…. if that happens – I’m definitely gonna try and make it someone else’s fault.
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My Team Leader…..BTW when did your boss or your manager turn into your ‘Team Leader’…. when I worked in govt a gazillion years ago – there was no such thing as a Team Leader, which sounds all a bit too touchy feely for me.   And let’s face it – they’re still your boss, telling you what to do and assessing you to see if you’re up to scratch, and they’re not exactly any more caring and sharing than they ever were.  What a fuckin’  toss.   It’s like backpacks!  When did backpacks replace brief cases on the corporate landscape?  Men in suits and ties used to carry smart briefcases, and now they all carry dirty looking uni student style backpacks.  I missed that memo somewhere, but anyway I digress….

I’ll start again.

My Team Leader doesn’t work Wednesdays, she only works four days a week, and I vaguely remember hearing this and thinking – that’s good I’ll be able to head down and bum up while she’s away cos she’s constantly interrupting me with stuff …. either that or cruise for the day cos she’s not sitting behind me, watching my every move.   SO MUCH FOR THAT!   Today was Wednesday   😐   and when I got in this morning, she had left me a dozen emails relating to things she wanted me to chase up on HER jobs!  I spent all of yesterday pfaffing around with proofs back and forth with her client and the IT guys trying to get one of her jobs out the door.   Quite literally it was 1530 before I sat and looked to see what I’d been neglecting of my own work.

GRRRRRRR!

If this is a preface of what to expect on my average Wednesday, I foresee me and Miss Touchy Feely Team Leader are going to share a few choice words in the not too distant future.
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My work is making us come up with a team name, and somehow I’ve found myself in the Customer Service Care Bears.

OMG.

Shoot me now. 
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