Better to be known as a sinner than a hypocrite.

Posted on January 23, 2008 by borysSNORC

This morning myself and the Small Child went to his new school to complete his enrollment and to purchase all the relevant equipage associated with starting at a new educational institution… you know the drill. Anyway, as I tortured the small boy with the trying on of uniform shirts and shorts and even the ‘compulsory school art smock’ … I found myself pondering the following question:

Are there levels of hypocrisy?

Because here I am…. enrolling the Small Child in a private Catholic school. Now I’ve often felt I had a fantastic childhood and part of that I’ve always attributed to having had a pleasant childhood educational experience. I was never subjected to bullying or social ostracism, never had difficulties with learning and I loved going to school – with the notable exception being when they lined us up to go to the bloody Qld Health Dental van where the apprentice dentists used to torture us … but that is another story. Anyway, I am fairly certain that my predominantly positive memories of my early schooling was in no small part due to the fact that my parents shelled out the extra dosh to put me and my sisters through private Catholic schools where we had smaller classes, excellent teachers and better resources.

Now in my case… the whole Catholic thing didn’t really take…. so much so that I probably fall neatly into the atheist category (sorry Sister Mary). So exactly how much of a hypocrite am I for enrolling Angel in Catholic school knowing that he’s going to be indoctrinated with a whole pile of shit I don’t believe in myself? And given that it was totally premeditated – yes, I had him Christened Catholic when he was 6 months old anticipating that this is a prerequisite to getting into private schools. Are there… degrees of hypocrisy? Like maybe Hypocrisy in the First Degree is like when you’re anti-abortion and pro-death penalty, and Second Degree Hypocrisy is being publicly against gay marriage, but you’re actually a closet homosexual and are married with three kids sort of thing? And so on and so forth…

And if so… what degree of hypocrisy is it for a lapsed Catholic who is anti organized religion to be sending their Small Child to Catholic school? It’d have to be way down the list right? Only a little teeny weeny Degree of Hypocrisy yeah? Maybe 12th Degree or something huh?

Mom: Wow! Angel, you’ve grown so big lately, I think we better get the next size up!

Small Child: I’m growing bigger every day Mom. Except Saturdays obviously.

Mom: Obviously 😮

Duly noted for future reference.

Posted on January 14, 2008 by borysSNORC

Urgh! What a day. I’ve been moping around the house all day feeling rather sore and more than a little bit seedy. I’m fairly confident that the ‘seedy’ bit was precipitated by an ill advised evening cocktail that started with a couple of Tramadol and half a bottle of red wine and finished with three… maybe four cups of port and a Valium chaser. I think it’s also fairly safe to say that the aforementioned soreness results from sleeping the deep motionless and REM-less sleep of the well and truly trashed. :S

Alas, even with more than the daily recommended dose of perception altering substances under my belt, I manage barely 5 or so hours of sleep and awoke to dry mouthedness (from the Endep), headachy (no doubt from the alcohol), so stiff I couldn’t stand up straight (from being too still all night) and slightly dopey (from the Valium). After forcing myself into an upright position, I hobbled to the kitchen to get a heat pack and a cup of tea only to find the floor disgustingly sticky from an incident involving a less than steady Borys, a bottle of V and the tiled kitchen floor. 🙁

And that kinda set the tone for the day really….

So with none to blame but myself for my Big Day O’ Blah which even a Big Yellow Dim Sim couldn’t cure, I’ve made a resolution to lay off the meds should I decide in future to use the time honored method of drowning one’s pain with alcohol. But I guess it’s worth noting that I’ve never made a resolution yet that I’ve managed to keep for any length of time.

Unless you count my long standing resolution to draw the line at goats… that one I’ve never had trouble sticking to.
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Go Santa, it’s your birthday!

Posted on December 24, 2007 by borysSNORC

Grocery shopping today… dropped $270 and I’m pretty sure there was scant little ‘real’ food in the trolley. Mostly it was all just stocking up on holiday snackage. Now I hate grocery shopping at the best of times, but there’s a number of things that can make it worse…

Christmas Carols playing over the PA system. Urgh! From what I understand there’s been significant research done in the field of environmental psychology in retailing and the effect of certain musical stimuli on the customers. And I have a sneaking suspicion that Christmas Carols must have scored pretty high for them to be hammering them ad infinitum they way they do. I hate Christmas Carols. Hate them in the shopping centres, hate them in office elevators, hate them in fucking carols by candlelight bullshit…. they’re so hackneyed and played to death, please stop torturing us this way.

Supermarket brand hogging. I went looking for smoked oysters today to add to my cheese and nibblies plates for tomorrow, and was disgusted to find that the only brand available was John West. There used to be several brands of smoked oysters available at my local Coles supermarket… Brunswick Smoked Oysters and Always Fresh Smoked Oysters and a Coles Own Brand. But now, all we get is the option of John West or John West smoked oysters… which is fucked, cos they were always dearer and for a much smaller package.

People congregating in the aisles. I don’t know why, but either people enjoy shopping with a bunch of their friends and relatives or the supermarkets are the real world equivalent of fucking chat rooms where you can run into a pick up conversation and just decide to be a part of it, but it seems that you’re constantly trying to navigate your predictably dodgy trolley through small knots of people. What the fuck are they talking about anyway? Deep and meaningfuls about cheese or something?

Strangers feeling compelled to talk to you. ‘Excuse me dear, but are these the spinach and ricotta triangles that are on special?” Well lady, I don’t know do they match the description on the little tag telling you they’re on special? As if I give a fuck.. oh wait ricotta and spinach huh? Hmmm they sound good.. I might have some of those.

Everything’s been moved… Again. Yes, they have to move everything around for the Christmas nonsense. Not sure why they do this as it seems they have some irregular stuff going on all year round… New Years party goods, Valentines day Chocolates etc, Easter Egg stuff, Mothers day Stuff, and so on and so on. Why don’t they just have one aisle dedicated to whatever the hell people are being conned into this week, and leave everything else out of it? Why do they have to shuffle every product in the entire store when they bring in the product lines that are dedicated to what ever is being celebrated at that point in time? I hate not being able to find stuff 🙁

Check out Boys. Never! Never! And I can’t stress this enough… NEVER line up behind a check out that has a boy working the register. For if you do, I guarantee you will regret it. Your dishwashing detergent will be in the same bag as your bananas, your eggs will be packed under tins of dog food, and your tampons will be thrown in with your cheese. For reasons beyond my limited understanding, boys can’t pack groceries for shit! Even though I fastidiously separate all my cold things into one section on the conveyor belt, and then the hard items and then the fresh items etc… if there’s a boy working the checkout… forget it. I might as well let Angel pack the groceries.

So even if you manage to get a trolley that goes relatively straight, and there’s no Christmas carols playing, and a decided lack of strangers annoying you and the store manager was too lazy to move all your favorite products around that week… even under those optimal conditions, grocery shopping still sucks…. prices are up, quantities are down…. and you still find yourself checking the fucking eggs which is a depressing reminder of just how mundane our lives are.

Merry Christmas all… can’t wait for it to be over.

Bathroom etiquette

Posted on September 24, 2007 by borysSNORC

Why do people insist on talking to you while you’re in the loo? Cant they just do the polite thing and pretend there’s no one there and then be all civilized again as soon as you leave the dunny? I hate trying to make small talk – or worse – talk business while I am in the toilet.

I feel totally invaded and violated. Can I not have just 30 seconds to myself to pee please? Is that so unreasonable? Is there ANYTHING on this planet, short of the damn building being on fire that is SO important that it has to be communicated right there and then? I think not. So I have compiled a handy list for future reference and am considering posting it on the toilet doors at work

Do not talk to me while I’m in the loo unless –

A) The house is burning down

B) The small child has swallowed something poisonous

C) My car has being towed and/or sideswiped

D) Kenneth Brannagh or Vin Diesel is outside and wants to meet me

So any of those really, oh and perhaps if Randy Rhoads were to come back from the dead for one last concert, I might want to hear about that. But…. failing that????

Fuck off and leave me in peace!!

bathroom_rules_dont_make_eye_contact_when_using_poster-

Surreal Conversation Number 56

Posted on August 29, 2007 by borysSNORC

I went to the OB/GYN today…. which in itself is not an out of the ordinary experience I’ll grant you… especially given that I have spent years on IVF treatments which required uncountable gynaecological procedures! I should be used to it by now, yes?

Well today… I was on the table, in the most indecorous of recumbent positions (you know what I’m talking about, girls), and had a conversation that went a bit like this….

Gyno:   So…. Borys…. what sort of work do you do?
Me:   At the moment, I’m a Wireless Broadband Consultant for Goliath….
Gyno:   Oh, right… you support those new blue USB modems thingys do you?
Me:   (hesitant) Err … yeeessss…
Gyno:   You know… I was down the Gold Coast over the weekend, and l couldn’t get my thing to connect… all I kept getting was ‘page cannot be displayed’…..

Oh please! Give me a break! Is it really appropriate to pump me for IT support while you’re down there?!?!? How embarrassment…

So much worse than trying to make small talk with your dentist! 🙁