Hey check this out… a few years ago I met K-Rudd at the Cannon Hill shopping centre when he was pimping to be our local member and today I see in the news a picture of him meeting Hillary Clinton (as you do when you’re the new Prime Minister) which means …. drum roll please… there’s now only Four Degrees of Separation between me and Monica Lewinsky! 😛 and like loads of other really famous people that Bill probably screwed… err, I mean … met.
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I detest fart jokes, toilet humour, scat quips and amusement gleaned from bodily functions in general I guess. Anyone who knows me is aware that this sort of attempt at humour is usually greeted with a stoic rejoinder about how fart jokes are an attempt to amuse the uneducated, unintelligent and unimaginative lowest common denominator amongst us.
I honestly don’t know what people find so amusing in the releasing of gas, urine, excrement, snot, phlegm, ear wax from the human body! I have no idea why it’s supposed to be funny. Cum…. well that’s another story altogether. I remember laughing uproariously on one occasion and damned near turned purple and apoplectic at a girlfriend relating how she turned her head to sneeze at an inopportune moment in the bedroom and accidentally copped a load in her ear! But that was more about bedroom misadventure and a romantic interlude gone awry than the actual ejaculate itself.
What was I talking about again? Oh yes. Fart jokes… positively hate them and if I could I’d legislate against such things as being detrimental to the mental health of the community or at the very least advise they be keep out of modern media and popular culture and relegated to ‘things one may do behind closed doors in the privacy of their own homes where they won’t scare the horses’.
So imagine my delight and astonishment when I finally found a fart joke that tickled my fancy 🙂
I must not chat when trashed
I must not chat when trashed
I must not chat when trashed
I must not chat when trashed
I must not chat when trashed
I must learn to heed this advice…..
borysSNORC ™ i have wet hair
borysSNORC ™ and cool mints
Yaleman: lol
borysSNORC ™ wot
Yaleman: why do you have wet hair?
borysSNORC ™ Geydorhaoy this morning.
borysSNORC ™ grrr
borysSNORC ™ hydritgerapy
borysSNORC ™ fuck
borysSNORC ™ hydrothrapey
borysSNORC ™ h y d r o t h e r a p y
borysSNORC ™ :S
Yaleman: lol
borysSNORC ™ cool mint? moth ball?
borysSNORC ™ cool mint? moth ball?
borysSNORC ™ cool mint? moth ball?
borysSNORC ™ no one knows 😐
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Okay, so these strange little quiz-type memes are like a plague but I’m inexplicably drawn to filling them out when they cross my path.
Which Jane Austen heroine am I? Elizabeth Bennet.
Which Firefly character am I? Inara Serra
Which Harry Potter Character are you? Severus Snape
Which Comic book hero are you? Wonder woman.
How many five year olds can you take in a fight? Would you survive the Zombie Apocalyse? How much is your corpse worth? What spice are you? What type of shoe are you? What’s your power colour? It goes on and on and on….. The vast majority of them are totally transparent and the questions aren’t even vaguely oblique so answering the questions a certain way gives you a predictable out come.
So naturally when Dave2 posted his "Who is your Ideal TV Boyfriend", I had to do it too…. Was hoping for Hank Moody from Californication (I like ’em pithy and sarcastic) or maybe…. Sam Seabourne in the West Wing (has intelligence and integrity) and well, who wouldn’t want Captain Mal from Firefly.. just cos he’s… well… the Capt’n.
So here goes –
With the Small Child going to Catholic school nowadays, I’ve been thinking lately about how the church and I kinda parted ways. And from what I can remember it wasn’t the usual Evolution vs Creation debate…. it was something altogether simpler that didn’t gel with my young brain. Sr Mary-Clare (God bless her cotton frocks) used to teach us Religious Education (and everything else come to think of it) when I was in primary school in a time when we still used to get sent to the Principal’s office for ‘the cuts’ if we perpetrated one of a gazillion ill-defined infractions. She did her best I guess with a bunch of kids who would yawn rudely as she tried to beat some catechism into us. No doubt it was our blatant boredom that caused her to frequently retaliate with her own special weapon of mass dysfunction – that uniquely Catholic torture known as the Liturgical Dance 😐
I recall one day when I was in Grade 3 one of my classmates, Libby Free (there’s a name I haven’t thought of for a few decades) had come to school upset because their family dog had been run over by a car and her parents had told her that Rover/Fido/Fluffy (insert generic dog’s name of your choice) had gone to heaven. Well Sr Mary-Clare was having none of that. So she set the record straight… “We (Catholics) do not believe that animals have souls – only humans have souls….. so Rover/Fido/Fluffy can not go to heaven.” Which being ever a laterally thinking little miss (Yes my teachers often had that slightly hesitant and fleetingly exasperated look about them whenever I raised my hand with a question ) caused me to say “But Sr Mary-Clare… last week you said humans ARE animals” or something of that ilk.
Whatever explanation she offered for this glaring contradiction is long forgotten and likely irrelevant. Needless to say it didn’t satisfy my young curiosity and being spoon fed Catholicism throughout my entire education rapidly became something to be tolerated but eventually deemed to be irrelevant and even fanciful. As I got older the Evolution vs Creation argument definitely cemented that particular sentiment and by the time I was paying attention to international news and/or politics as a young adult most other organized religions were firmly added to the list of “Stuff Borys Wants Nothing To Do With”.
Yes I know… I’m going to hell (if it pleases you to believe in such a place).
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