Cold hands… warm heart… dirty feet… tiny mouth?!!?

Posted on 23 March 2009 by boryssnorc

Big Food pisses me off! 🙁

You see I’ve got a rather small mouth… (waits for the titters to die down)… and whenever I try to eat Big Food I feel like a snake trying to dislocate it’s jaw in order to eat it’s prey. Problem is that most food items that are normal size for most people are just not daintily proportioned enough for my delicate mandibles and I end up doing my dislocated snake jaw impression rapidly followed by an unattractive and ungainly squirrel cheeks imitation.

When we go to the Sushi Station (or similar) I always pick the items that are small bite sized things because if I choose some of the larger items then I risk wearing half of it because I can’t eat it in one bite. If we go out for steak sandwiches at the Hoggies or just a panini sandwich down the local cafe for lunch, I end up dropping half my sandwich on my plate as I try to wrestle with the two inch thick slices of bread. Even when I make hamburgers at home… just rissoles on a regular bread roll with some cheese and salad maybe… I seem to struggle to get around those too.

It’s really annoying. My dentist says that I do indeed have a little mouth and one of the reasons I hate going to the dentist so much is that it feels like HE is trying to dislocate my jaw so he get get a decent look. Having a little mouth has resulted in very straight and gapless teeth which is good thing I guess but it kinda sucks being unable to eat anything larger than a chicken nugget if one wishes to maintain any outward aspect or appearance of decorum.
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Beetroot Cake with Peanut Butter Icing

Posted on 23 November 2008 by boryssnorc

I don’t usually go around posting recipes to the internet as it seems a bit redundant given how many cooking and recipe websites there are out there. However, recently I promised someone a copy of this old recipe that I had inherited from some chefs I knew years ago and now of course my drug addlepated brain can’t remember who I was supposed to email it to, so I’m hoping this catches whomever it was that was supposed to get it :S (That made more sense in my head). So yeah… Beetroot cake. I know it sounds disgusting but chocolate lovers assure me that it’s to die for… so bear with me here.

First – a warning: This is an extremely rich chocolate cake which means… 1) it is really, really bad for you…I mean you can almost feel those arteries hardening as you read the ingredients list… and 2) seeing that the dominant flavour is chocolate – I don’t like it. It would however satisfy any chocoholic or mud cake afficionado and has gone down a treat on the few occasions that I’ve bothered to make it.

BEETROOT CAKE

Cake ingredients:
2 cups of cooked beetroot, mashed
2 and 1/2 cups plain flour
2 teaspoons bicarbonate of soda
2 cups of sugar
1 and 1/2 cups of ‘salad oil’
4 eggs
1/2 cup of cocoa
2 teaspoons of vanilla
2 teaspoons of salt

Icing ingredients:
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/2 cup butter or margarine
3 cups icing sugar
milk

Cake method:
Mix together sugar, oil, vanilla and eggs thoroughly.
Sift flour, soda, salt and cocoa.
Alternately add flour and mashed beetroots and to oil/egg mixture.
Place in a prepared 23x33cm cake tin,
Bake at 180C for 45 minutes

Icing method:
Combine peanut butter and butter.
Add icing sugar.
Blend in just enough milk to make a good spreading consistency.

Image: Aurore Damant.

Canadian = More North American than he cares to admit :)

Posted on 11 November 2008 by boryssnorc

Mr K is Canadian. Now aside from the frequent bad puns… normally we don’t hold his Canadianism against him. But over the years the one thing that separates Aussies from Canadians even more than the occasional disparity in lingo (trunk = boot; footpath = sidewalk; toilet = bathroom… which for the record we call a toilet because there’s a fucking toilet in there!!!) there’s a distinct difference in our food preferences.

He’s a peanut butter man and we’re Vegemite kids through and through. He grew up in Qld but doesn’t like seafood at all. Ditto in the mango department…. Huh? I mean wtf mate? Who doesn’t like mangoes? He likes strong cinnamon flavoured gum and lollies… bleurk. Has a penchant for something called Reece’s Peanut Butter Cups. He refuses to acknowledge that Root Beer tastes the same as Sarsparilla even though the ‘root’ in his root beer is well…well it’s fucking sarsparilla dude! Get over it. His idea of a BBQ used to be hot dogs or hamburgers only but I beat this one out of him. He’s been known to eat bacon on pancakes AND inflict that on other people.

But the worst culinary infringement must be the occasional appearance in my panrty of the disgusting victual (and I use the term loosely) known as… the Pop Tart. Oh my God these things are awful! They’re a confectionery masquerading as a breakfast food and I’ve not looked it up but I’ve a strong suspicion there’s no acutally food content in them. But wait there’s more…. becuase they’re not readily available Down Under they cost a ridiculous $9 a box here from a specialty lolly shop in the city. Yes a lolly shop not a grocery store.

Every time he brings home a new flavour I’m tempted to try a little nibble to 1) try to ascertain why Americans seem to love them and 2) investigate if any of them are acually edible. My findings thus far? Haven’t found an edible one yet.
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I can do the Nicky Lauder….

Posted on 4 November 2008 by boryssnorc

I seem to be doing the rounds of Mexican restaurants in BrisVegas of late. Last week it was La Quinta in Balmoral with the girls and tonight it was Dos Amigos in Toowong with Yale. Both places have excellent menus. The sangria at La Quinta is slightly nicer in my opinion but I am a bit of a sangria snob.

When we were first seated we were provided with some corn chips and homemade salsa to nibble on while contemplating the menu. The salsa was particularly good so it got devoured pretty quickly. For entrees we ordered some chirozo and chilli ball things called Diablo Balls or Dingo Balls or DingBat Balls (whatever) and some chillis stuffed with cream cheese that had been deep fried, and for mains some chicken fajitas and chimichanga thing that both came with all the salad and rice and yumminess.

Anyway when the entrees arrived I tried the Dragon Ball things and the cut one in half. The first bite had the eyebrows up as the eyes started to water as they were quite a bit hotter than I am accustomed to. Personally I prefer to be able to taste my food rather than feel it and the idea of food making you burst into a flushed sweat isn’t really high on my list of culinary preferences.

So I cut myself a second little nibble of the Dogs Bollocks and used my knife to scoop on a hearty dollop of the salsa that came with them saying to Yale ‘Wow these are a bit hot.. I think I’ll try to temper it a bit with a bit of salsa.’ Then prompty popped it into my mouth as Yale said ‘That isn’t salsa’.

Holy snappin’ duck shit!!! ARGHGHGH!!! I had just scooped a generous helping of chilli sauce onto the already hot chirozo/chilli Demon Ball thingy. Naturally I tried to drown it with sangria but that didn’t help much and had to send for emergency guacamole from the kitchen. And Yales response? Laughed his arse of and SMSed a friend about how I can’t handle my chilli 🙁
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