Okay, I think it’s safe to say that I’m no prude. I’ve written my fair share of smut, I’ve demonstrated a propensity for excessive profanity on many an occasion (okay, a near daily basis), I’ve blogged about the merits of the Head O’ State Obama dildo, I’ve been to strip clubs with the boys on bucks nights (ostensibly to chaperone, pfft!), I’ve been window shopping and went to see a live sex show in Amsterdam, and I’ve been to Fishwyck for lattes and butt plugs with RaCeY Robby. Hell… I have a bright red BUTT PLUG with a FOUR INCH DIAMETER that weighs a couple of kilos that I use for a door stop at my front door!
So me and ‘prudish’??? Yeah, not so much.
That being said however, I am not sure sure I can get behind this one. Here is a product that simply should not exist. You see, in my humble opinion, there are kids toys, and there are sex toys… and never the twain should meet!
Seriously? I am really hoping that this is the result of some bored Redditor who had nothing else to do with his creative suite one Friday night. I’d love to find out that these don’t actually exist. So far, my (limited) research has turned up no providers where one can purchase this weird and somewhat repulsive paraphernalia for personal, or massive, consumer use. But unfortunately, my inability to locate an actual purveyor of the product line in question, does not mean they don’t, in fact, exist. Because honestly, it has gotten to the point that while I find this image to be equal parts alarming, disconcerting and downright ridiculous; thanks to years of exposure to abhorrent phenomena (thanks Neil!) via the internet, I also find it completely plausible!
So while my failure to uncover an online retailer doesn’t discount the existence of these pretty pastel and pretty fucked up masturbatory aids, it does however indicate one thing – there is only so many times I am willing to type variants of ‘My Little Pony Fleshlight Collection’ into my search engine without fearing for the damnation of my eternal soul…!