The Diamond Anniversary Theory

Clever guy that he is, Mr K worked out back in the beginning that paper, wood and linen just doesn’t cut it when it comes to showing the woman in your life how much you appreciate her.  I mean, seriously?  Paper?

So for many, many years now Mr K has been telling people that ALL wedding anniversaries mean Diamonds – and whenever anyone brings up the ‘traditional’ list of wedding anniversary gifts he agrees that the list is quite correct, but that people have been misinterpreting it for a very long time. ‘Paper’, he claims, is the receipt for diamonds; ‘cotton’ is the little cloth jewellery bags that the diamonds come in, ‘leather’ is the bound boxes which also house diamonds… but that’s about as far as he’s ever really gotten in explaining his Diamond Anniversary Theory before getting an amused reaction from any male listener and an approving reaction from any female audience!

Having just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary, I thought I’d put him to the test and see how far his Diamond Anniversary Theory could hold out.  And this, ladies, is what came of it:

Mr K’s Diamond Anniversary Theory 

1st Paper:  Receipt for diamonds

2nd Cotton:  Cotton velvet jewellery bags that diamonds come in

3rd Leather:  Leather bound jewellery boxes for diamond rings

4th Linen:  Linen shirt pocket containing diamond tennis bracelet

5th Wood:  Polished walnut boxes with diamond studs inside

6th Iron:  Diamonds bought paying the ‘Iron Price’ (not ‘Gold Price’!!)

7th Wool:  Padding holding loose diamonds for setting of her choice

8th Bronze:  Diamond set Bronze Age design torc bangle

9th Poetry:  Slogan at Tiffany & Co. where diamond keys (pl!) are purchased

10th Tin:  Biscuit tin in which diamond jewellery is hidden until anniversary

11th Steel:   BHP stocks sold to buy diamond necklace

12th Silk:  Ribbon on box of miscellaneous diamond jewellery

13th Lace:  Lace filigree work on setting for diamond pendant

14th Ivory:  Ivory Coast ‘blood’ diamonds acquired in suspect transaction

15th Crystal:  Temporarily give up crystal meth habit to pay buy diamonds

20th China:  Trip to Hong Kong to buy back alley diamonds

25th Silver:  Cremated remains of 1st husband made into a Life Diamond

30th Pearl:  Diamond encrusted, pearl handled handgun/s

35th Coral:  Diamonds recovered from pirate treasure found in the Coral Sea

40th Ruby:  Recently deceased Grandma Ruby’s heirloom diamonds

50th Golden:  Diamonds bought with $1 coins saved from leftover schrappers

55th Emerald:  Diamond solitaire ring – Emerald cut of course

60th Diamond:  Well duh…

70th Platinum:  Platinum Visa used to purchase more diamonds

75th Diamond/Gold:  You can’t buy off my affections every… OMG!!! It’s a tiara!!!

So there you have it.  Every wedding anniversary really is a Diamond Wedding Anniversary.  Ladies, make sure you spread the word to your husbands, and gentlemen… I hope you’re paying attention!   🙂

Diamonds are a girls best friend


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