The Diamond Anniversary Theory

Clever guy that he is, Mr K worked out back in the beginning that paper, wood and linen just doesn’t cut it when it comes to showing the woman in your life how much you appreciate her.  I mean, seriously?  Paper?

So for many, many years now Mr K has been telling people that ALL wedding anniversaries mean Diamonds – and whenever anyone brings up the ‘traditional’ list of wedding anniversary gifts he agrees that the list is quite correct, but that people have been misinterpreting it for a very long time. ‘Paper’, he claims, is the receipt for diamonds; ‘cotton’ is the little cloth jewellery bags that the diamonds come in, ‘leather’ is the bound boxes which also house diamonds… but that’s about as far as he’s ever really gotten in explaining his Diamond Anniversary Theory before getting an amused reaction from any male listener and an approving reaction from any female audience!

Having just celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary, I thought I’d put him to the test and see how far his Diamond Anniversary Theory could hold out.  And this, ladies, is what came of it:

Mr K’s Diamond Anniversary Theory 

1^st Paper:  Receipt for diamonds

2^nd Cotton:  Cotton velvet jewellery bags that diamonds come in

3^rd Leather:  Leather bound jewellery boxes for diamond rings

4^th Linen:  Linen shirt pocket containing diamond tennis bracelet

5^th Wood:  Polished walnut boxes with diamond studs inside

6^th Iron:  Diamonds bought paying the ‘Iron Price’ (not ‘Gold Price’!!)

7^th Wool:  Padding holding loose diamonds for setting of her choice

8^th Bronze:  Diamond set Bronze Age design torc bangle

9^th Poetry:  Slogan at Tiffany & Co. where diamond keys (pl!) are purchased

10^th Tin:  Biscuit tin in which diamond jewellery is hidden until anniversary

11^th Steel:   BHP stocks sold to buy diamond necklace

12^th Silk:  Ribbon on box of miscellaneous diamond jewellery

13^th Lace:  Lace filigree work on setting for diamond pendant

14^th Ivory:  Ivory Coast ‘blood’ diamonds acquired in suspect transaction

15^th Crystal:  Temporarily give up crystal meth habit to pay buy diamonds

20^th China:  Trip to Hong Kong to buy back alley diamonds

25^th Silver:  Cremated remains of 1st husband made into a Life Diamond

30^th Pearl:  Diamond encrusted, pearl handled handgun/s

35^th Coral:  Diamonds recovered from pirate treasure found in the Coral Sea

40^th Ruby:  Recently deceased Grandma Ruby’s heirloom diamonds

50^th Golden:  Diamonds bought with $1 coins saved from leftover schrappers

55^th Emerald:  Diamond solitaire ring – Emerald cut of course

60^th Diamond:  Well duh…

70^th Platinum:  Platinum Visa used to purchase more diamonds

75^th Diamond/Gold:  You can’t buy off my affections every… OMG!!! It’s a tiara!!!

So there you have it.  Every wedding anniversary really is a Diamond Wedding Anniversary.  Ladies, make sure you spread the word to your husbands, and gentlemen… I hope you’re paying attention!   🙂