It’s been two whole days that I’ve had no one around to talk to and to keep me occupied and entertained… and I think last night’s post demonstrated most admirably that I’m driving myself crazy already. Though some of the blame for that maudlin mess can be laid squarely at the feet of most of a bottle of Yellowglen Bella – it would have been a whole bottle if I weren’t so un-co and dropped the half empty bottle on the kitchen tiles and splashed champagne all over the floor, the walls, the pantry doors and even on the ceiling 😐 but that’s neither here nor there.
I have always known that I’m not overly fond of my own company. I’ve always felt a need to have other people around or I get ridiculously bored. That or (as is happening at the moment) my back pain is totally getting on top of me because my brain isn’t engaged and I’ve spent a large portion of the last two days crying and rocking in a corner somewhere…. well not quite literally but you get the idea.
Yes it’s a conundrum… I don’t want to go out and don’t want to be with ‘people’ and am generally feeling very antisocial, yet I’m not even remotely enjoying the solitude. Add to that my own particular little weirdness about being really fussy about who I want to spend time with at the moment and I’m all at sea. ‘Beggars can’t be choosers’ my Mum would say… but I am sometimes unreasonably picky about who I want to let into my weird little world and have in the past gone to extraordinary lengths not to be stuck with certain people for more than ten minutes together. Strangely enough it’s often been noted that people find me easy to talk to and often feel comfortable confiding in me… but at the same time I’m told that I’m sometimes very hard to get to know. Yeah I know that doesn’t make any sense at all and I’ve no idea how that works.
Anyway two days of my own odious company and it’s already laughable. I was so desperate for someone to talk to that I called my cousin (who is in the middle of a traumatic court case) knowing full well that she’d keep me on the phone for at least a good hour which is something I’d normally avoid at all costs! And this morning I went shopping for parfait spoons and even though I knew exactly what I wanted and found them within two minutes of walking into Myer… I pottered around for an hour and a half so I wouldn’t have to go home and be by myself.
I’m so not myself at the moment that I nearly phoned a hairdresser in Carina to make an appointment to have a haircut. I mean seriously!?!? If that isn’t a red flag going up I don’t know what is! I haven’t been to a hairdresser since 1995!!!
Sigh… I do know that hanging around the house by myself after only a couple of days is already having detrimental effects. I’ve find that I’ve been talking to myself which in itself isn’t so bad – except that I don’t always agree with what I have to say and that is exhausting!