A long long time ago…

Posted on March 18, 2008 by borysSNORC

It must have been Rowany Festival 2005 that the Worshipful Company of Broiderers started working on a Company banner that would had lots of small split stitch heraldic devices on it. I made a tiny little device with my heraldry on it for the banner and enjoyed the tiny needlework so much that I came back from festival and decided to do another work in this style.

At that time I did some research into alms purses and wanted to make a silk alms purse in vibrant red and gold silks. The following year, I took my half done panels to the Company guild meeting at festival and got told the work was ‘too good’ and that I really ought do the background in metallic gold thread as this was the technique used by medieval embroiderers on very fine quality works.

At which point, I pouted and said ‘But I don’t wanna metallic gold purse, I wanna red one!’ or words to that effect…. thus relegating the project to the bottom of my embroidery box and there it languished for many… many… months.

Fortuitously, a friend was in the UK and happened to see at the V&A (and kindly document for me) a couching technique done in silk that suited the time frame and style of embroidery (Opus Anglicanum) that I was working my purse in. So I was off and running again…. but then my Dad got sicker, and I went back to work full time and the project got cast aside yet again.

Then one of the allied health professionals trying to put Borys back together again reccommended that I find something I could work on/towards to give myself a sense of accomplishment about my rather pain filled days which prompted me to pick it up again. And… low and behold… several weeks of sitting on heat packs and embroidering to distract myself from back pain later…. here is the finished product!

I finished, I finished I finished!!!

PS – If I had a functioning website I would have been able to put up all the documentation that goes with this project !!! 😉
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10 Things I Hate About Commandments

Posted on March 17, 2008 by borysSNORC

Everyone once in a while you stumble on something on the internets and you find it appealing and/or you get a giggle out of it. This clip reminds me of the film Hercules Returns that was done by some Aussie comedians a few years ago…

Oh holy crap.. just looked up Hercules Returns on IMDB and it was done in 1993 – which is definitely more than a few years ago! I’m getting old.

Pull my finger….!!!

Posted on March 16, 2008 by borysSNORC

I detest fart jokes, toilet humour, scat quips and amusement gleaned from bodily functions in general I guess. Anyone who knows me is aware that this sort of attempt at humour is usually greeted with a stoic rejoinder about how fart jokes are an attempt to amuse the uneducated, unintelligent and unimaginative lowest common denominator amongst us.

I honestly don’t know what people find so amusing in the releasing of gas, urine, excrement, snot, phlegm, ear wax from the human body! I have no idea why it’s supposed to be funny. Cum…. well that’s another story altogether. I remember laughing uproariously on one occasion and damned near turned purple and apoplectic at a girlfriend relating how she turned her head to sneeze at an inopportune moment in the bedroom and accidentally copped a load in her ear! But that was more about bedroom misadventure and a romantic interlude gone awry than the actual ejaculate itself.

What was I talking about again? Oh yes. Fart jokes… positively hate them and if I could I’d legislate against such things as being detrimental to the mental health of the community or at the very least advise they be keep out of modern media and popular culture and relegated to ‘things one may do behind closed doors in the privacy of their own homes where they won’t scare the horses’.

So imagine my delight and astonishment when I finally found a fart joke that tickled my fancy 🙂

All things in moderation.

Posted on March 15, 2008 by borysSNORC

The Pain Clinic is over and I get to say ‘good bye, good luck and good riddance’ to the other painful people… so now the tough stuff begins. They’ve developed a program for me designed to eventually build strength and flexibility in my somewhat fucked back. It was supposed to be a gym program, but because I’m having issues driving right now, they’ve redesigned the program to suit being done at home! Bonus… at least I won’t have to deal with panic attacks just to get to the gym and back.

Now I’m probably showing my age here, but every time I think of doing a gym work out I get this vivid mental picture of a rather young and extremely perky Olivia Newton John singing ‘Physical’… and she’s got that fantastic early 80s hairdo and one of those high cut 80s leotards and the quintessential 80s legwarmers with matching tricolour plaited sweatband !!!

Let’s get physical, physical
I wanna get physical
Let’s get into physical
Let me hear your body talk, your body talk
Let me hear your body talk

Usually I like Rammstein or something to exercise to – dangerous though that can be… as I learned this week. On Wednesday after I ripped the silly bint Tracey a new one, I set off power walking down by the river at the clinic and didn’t look up until I was about 2kms away. By which time I realized that my shins were absolutely killing me from the ridiculous pace of the music and subsequent effect on walking speed. Blame it on the Bint or blame it on the Benzin – either way I think I might have been better served with Olivia’s crappy pop workout mantra as more moderate exercise music over the German industrial metal. 😐

It’s moments like these – you need guacamole!

Posted on March 14, 2008 by borysSNORC

Day Ten….. Last day of Pain Clinic

Strangest thing happened today… it was the last day of our Pain Clinic program and everyone was saying how sad they were to be parting and promises were being made to keep in touch with one another etc etc. Not strange says you? Well I thought it was strange… fekkin’ weirdos.

I mean WTF? We’ve known each other for barely three weeks and of that only spent 10 days in each other’s company. Do I have any intention of keeping touch with these people? I dunno. Can’t think of any reason off the top of my head to do so. Even Tracey Shoulders whom I had an altercation with on Wednesday (just read back through that – God I’m such a bitch) was getting all sentimental about never seeing me again… where as I couldn’t wait to see the back of her. She even gave me a card and a farewell gift 😐 Though what prompted her to do so is beyond me?!?!? I didn’t even know you could get cards like this –

“Healing is a journey
with a pace it’s very own.
It won’t be rushed or hurried.
It knows what’s right
for you alone.”

Wishing you
all the patience
and strength you need
as you make your way
to wellness once again.

Ahhhhuh… But soft! What mush through yonder card breaks? I suppose “Get well soon” mustn’t have enough triple word scores in it for the Hallmark people so it ends up extrapolated into this sort of nonsense. And as if that weren’t gooey enough… then she added her own special saccharin to it….

Dear Borys
I picked up this card and I thought of you immediately as you have had to struggle with yourself for so long, the pain, emotions, feelings it affects us all in different ways. You are a very strong person I could see that in you and also determined. Life throws alot of different and sometimes difficult obstacles at us but sometimes too much, hopefully things will change as you are a strong, caring, beautiful woman. I do wish and hope life will be easier for you after the program as I will be thinking of you at times. An experience and a friend I will never forget. Take Care.
Tracey Shoulders*

Okay 😐 Seeing as how I thought she was a loud, obnoxious, unsophisticated and unintelligent sort of creature, I have no idea why she sent this my way. I can only conclude she compiled the gift/card thing before the aforementioned ‘incident’.

*took monumental effort to type that out verbatim…
had to fight the urge to correct it.
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