I woke up at approx 0530 this morning.  And woke up in a flat panic.

I very rarely remember my dreams unless I wake up in the middle of them like I did this morning. 

The dream started off really normal, I was at the beach and swimming in the surf with Angel, and we were having fun and laughing and he was getting really good at diving beneath the waves.  Then I looked up and saw a massive break rolling towards us and tried to swim to him urgently.   Well I didnt make it to him.  And I saw his little head disappear into the wave, and I dived under the wave myself.  It felt like an eternity and I came back up behind the wave and Angel was no where to be seen.  I was standing there screaming his name, and looking for him and he was just gone.  Totally disappeared.    In my dream I could feel the total panic rising and that’s when I woke up…..

feeling totally panicked and nigh on convinced it was real …. that he was somehow gone.  Was everything I could do to stop myself from getting up and going to see if he was still safe in his bedroom.  I hate that feeling of panic and helplessness…. or maybe it’s the sense of being out of control that I dont like.  It’s somehow strangely amplified when you feel it waking up like that and it took about half an hour to leave me after that.

Hope I get a better night sleep tonight … dont want a repeat of that again :S
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