Cards Against Humanity Holiday Bullshit

Posted on 15 November 2013 by boryssnorc

Interesting email arrived in my inbox this morning. Given my recent interactions with the crazy folk over at Cards Against Humanity, I seem to have ended up on their email list… nothing unusual there I guess – sign up or buy anything on the internet and you end up on another bloody email list. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, Cards Against Humanity sent me the following email:

Dear Horrible Friends,

The holiday season is upon us, and it’s time for us to do a crazy stunt in a desperate bid for your attention and money.

We know that you, our loyal fans, are no longer aroused by the mere promise of new cards. So this year, prepare yourselves for a stream of holiday bullshit the likes of which you’ve never seen before.

Here’s how it works: You give us $12, and we’ll send you 12 mystery gifts over 12 days. Our accountant told us that this holiday stunt is “highly inadvisable,” so we’ve limited it to the first 100,000 people who sign up.

We think you’re going to love the gifts we’ve put together for you, and you should sign up now at HolidayBullshit.com if you want to find out what they are.

Blessings to you and your loved ones,
– The Cards Against Humanity Team

Well, with a great sell like that how could I resist? I clicked on through to the link and discovered there were about 9,000 spaces left. Started to sign up and … fuckit … wouldn’t you know it, Holiday Bullshit Stuff and Nonsense only available to residents of the US. Meh, not surprising really, sounds like they were only getting you to cover postage. Hmmm… Quick need a US email address ASAP. Facebook to the rescue! Within five minutes I had an accomplice willing to accept the mysterious ‘Holiday Bullshit’ parcels (and amazingly another half a dozen US friends offered addresses too over the next hour or so), so I bopped back to the website and in the five minutes it had taken to ‘phone a friend’ the counter had dropped to only 7,000 spaces for participants available. So signed us up, paid the measly $12.00 and was asked two questions, upon which they were apparently going to determine if you get the ‘Naughty’ or ‘Nice’ Holiday Bullshit gift set.

Question 1: What is the nicest thing you have done this year?
Answer: Fostered two poor little rescue puppies from a puppy farm.

Question 2: What is the naughtiest thing you have done this year?
Answer: My best friend. More than once. 😉

Awesome, sign up complete… let the Holiday Bullshit begin. Seeing that I hate Christmas with a passion, I have my fingers crossed that these might be my kind of Christmas ‘celebrations’.

Shit, these guys are funny… just clicked through to their FAQs:

Your Dumb Holiday Questions

What is this bullshit?
Cards Against Humanity’s 12 Days of Holiday Bullshit is a Seasonal Promotion™ that we’ve created to capture your attention and money. You give us $12, and we’ll send you 12 gifts over 12 days.

Is this the same thing you did last year?
No. This is a new thing.

Are you making any money on this?
No, it’s incredibly irresponsible.

When do I give you $12?
As quickly as possible.

When do I get my 12 gifts?
We’ll start putting gifts in the mail in the first week of December. You’ll receive all of them before Christmas.

Can I sign up more than once?
The 12 Days of Holiday Bullshit is limited to one per household.

What if I have some excuse that I just made up?
It’s still limited to one per household.

What are the secret gifts?
Indeed, the very nature of a secret is that the people keeping the secret won’t tell you what the secret is when you ask them what the secret is like an idiot.

What if I don’t like one of the 12 gifts?
What if your expectations for the quality of your life are too high?

Why does this cost $10 more for Canadians?
Because we have to mail 12 envelopes to Canada, which is more expensive than mailing 12 envelopes within the United States.

I don’t live in the USA or Canada. Can I sign up?
Unfortunately you cannot. It’s too expensive for us to send mail overseas.

Can I track my order?
You don’t even know what you’re getting.

Is Santa real?
No. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.

So, now I’m going to wait and see what kind of Bullshit I’ve actually signed up for and will have to get my accomplice in Pennsylvania to send photos of each parcel. 😛 I’m so not a patient person – can you spell ‘delayed gratification’, boys and girls? Well, I fucking can’t!

Australia’s biggest dumbass.

Posted on 24 October 2013 by boryssnorc

Well, he gets to be Australia’s biggest Dumbass today… tomorrow, of course, is another opportunity for an even bigger dumbass to come along and grab the public’s imagination.

The Honourable *scoff* Greg Hunt MP, Minister for the Environment was quoted in the news media as having ‘researched on Wikipedia’ that there is no connection between the bush fires currently ravaging parts of New South Wales, and the conditions currently experienced as a result of global warming (though in truth, I don’t think he stated his opinions quite that concisely or eloquently). Naturally, he has been lambasted across the press and various social media platforms for being a complete asshat.

What’s got me, is that this joker is a Law graduate, with Honours, of Melbourne University, did his postgrad Masters degree at the prestigious Yale University, and was even supposedly a Fullbright Scholar… and yet here he is talking to the national media about important issues like global climate change and using WIKIPEDIA as a source to back up his argument!!!

What a complete tool… anyone with half a brain would have seen the fallout coming as soon as the words came out of his addlepated brain. Needless to say, the Twittersphere has been having a field day, and rightly so.

Someone even took the liberty of making some alterations to Mr Hunt’s own Wikipedia page to demonstrate how factual Wikipedia really is on a moment to moment basis. This of course was duly altered back to reflect the good minister’s preferred version quick smart.

Fortunately, for those of you who missed it… I have a screen grab 🙂

Well, what can we say… If someone is going to go around quoting Wikipedia as a definitive source in a national debate on climate change – then getting your page hacked couldn’t happen to a nicer guy.

Yale grad and Fullbright Scholar, my arse!

What are you looking for?

Posted on 16 October 2013 by boryssnorc

kera ekor panjang di atap rumah

What on earth is that? Well, THAT is a search term that someone used and found themselves landing on my blog. Hmmm. Well certainly makes a nice change from the long list of weird arse shit that people search for, that land them here…

When in doubt turn to Google. Google Translate identified the phrase as Malay in origin: And when I clicked the handy dandy little translate button… I got this: long-tailed monkeys of the roof of the house! W.T.F.?!

There are no long-tailed monkeys on my blog, in situ on the roof of the house, nor in any other inconvenient place!?! So how does searching THAT end up here? I tried Googling the phrase myself and found no results in the first few pages that would bring the weird to the yard. So I tried Google Image search to see if that somehow landed them here. Nope. Nothing immediately apparent. So I narrowed the parameters a bit and Google Image searched with my site name included and found this:

Okay, well… that kinda clears up HOW it happened. But it still makes no fucking sense.

Pesto poo is caused by smurf slurpies

Posted on 14 October 2013 by boryssnorc

guess what?

Hmm?

pesto poo is caused by smurf slurpies.

Lik

O_o

Eww no lik.

Lol even

Lik was better. 😀

Chat conversation end

Lack of Gravity is a Bitch.

Posted on 13 October 2013 by boryssnorc

Went to see Gravity in 3D at the Gold Class cinemas last night thanks to a gift Mr K received from some work colleagues… because fuck knows, it’s become completely unaffordable otherwise. Would you believe that tickets for the Gold Class cinemas are now $42.50 each? I have no idea why this has occurred – it’s not like the service has intrinsically altered or improved from when they first starting appearing in Australian cinemas, and yet the prices have nearly doubled. Not only that, but there is no concession rates for children or students or pensioners AND when booking online… which we are all being encouraged to do these days… you get slugged with at $3.25 per ticket ‘booking fee’, plus a couple of dollars for 3D glasses. So that’s $93 and ‘thanks for coming’ before you even decide if you want popcorn with that. 🙁 Must be a strategic effort to keep the riff raff out of the fancy cinemas or something. Anyway, I digress…

Gravity is about some astronauts who are working on fixing some shit on the Hubble telescope when things all go horribly pear shaped. I’m not going to go into the whats and wherefors, there are plenty of people writing proper reviews if that is what you want (hell, why would anyone come here for a movie review! 😛 ). The main characters are a medical engineer with a tragic past, Dr Ryan Stone, and her fellow astronaut, Mat Kowalski a veteran of many space missions who has the gift of the gab – played by the gorgeous, Sandra Bullock (looking remarkably unmade-up and human for a change), and the devilishly handsome, George Clooney, respectively.

As I was saying, they are doing a seemingly routine space walk, working away trying to fix some computer panels on the Hubble Telescope or some such crap, when a debris field heads their way and things go tits up big time. What ensues is a big ol’ mess and lots of frantic ‘I’m going to die’ moments, poignantly interspersed with god awful interludes of denial and disbelief, anger and resentment and a veritable plethora of emotional lumps in the throat for the viewer to digest.

I can’t imagine how absolutely horrifying it would be to be literally ‘lost in space’ – adrift from all mankind, and prospects of assistance non-existent. This film certainly hits home on the frailty of human mortality front. There is a good deal of panic, extreme calm under pressure followed by more panic etc., as the film carries on in a terrifying but quasi-predictable story arc. We’re not 100% sure what’s going to happen, but it’s Hollywood, so odds are in your favour it won’t contain a tragic ending of Shakespearean proportions.

Anyway, I don’t do spoilers so I’m not going to write anything about what happens next, but I highly recommend this film. In fact, if I can find the time I intend to go see it again while it is still in the cinema, because visually, it’s really quite stunning.

Speaking of spoilers though – did everyone see the Neil deGrasse Tyson Twitter rantings about the ‘Mysteries of #Gravity’? I tell you what, that’s exactly what I’d want if I had just presented a $100m film to the movie going public – an international renown astrophysicist picking on my latest artistic project because it’s well… set in space. 🙂 NDGT had a field day pointing out anomalies in the film that were incongruous with known conditions in the space above Earth’s atmosphere, but was later quoted as saying that his criticisms were actually a compliment – if they had totally screwed the pooch he wouldn’t have bothered!