Ever since I started this job, I’m finding I dont have time for the things I used to do… the things I have to around here… the things that wont get done if I dont do them type jobs…. like groceries, dusting, cleaning, washing, paying bills, cleaning up, folding laundry, cooking,… and the rest of that never ending damn list of home ownership/ home management type stuff.  No time!  And even less inclination!

And then there’s personal things I want to do …like the little girlie maintenance type stuff like….getting a leg wax, or time to get my nails done.  And I’m not even a particularly high maintenance girlie… i’ve never had a facial, dont go in for eyebrow waxing and tinting, never had a body polish or skin treatment and all that other nonsense… hell I haven’t even been to a hairdresser since 1995!!!

I’m only thinking about it, because I want to get my nails done tomorrow, and I can see it just wont happen in amongst the fixing school lunches, wasting time dealing with the health insurance company, cleaning the kitchen, taking Angel to school, harassing the travel agent, picking up some prescriptions, folding the laundry and going to work at 12pm.  I know the smart thing to do would be to forget about manicures altogether….. but I dont want to.

It sounds ridiculous to me when I say it out loud, but… having lovely manicured hands makes me feel feminine… which is no small feat for someone who’s been dealing with hideous emotional effects of infertility for the last seven years.  I dont think there’s a female equivalent of the term – emasculation – but that is how it feels… like I’m not truly womanly, not really feminine…. like I’m a failure as a woman somehow.  I know, it sounds stupid to think that nice nails can help counterbalance all that baggage, …  but there you have it – here’s me… hair down to my waist, DDs, often wearing brighter pink than should be legal… and all the while acutely (and painfully) aware that I’m not as womanly and feminine as fertile women, and it affects me in a way that is hard to ignore.  Which then flows on to affect your sense of your sexuality and then all sorts of other psycho-babble bullshit comes into play.

Or maybe it’s none of that stuff and it’s just cos of my ‘thing” for hands… Shrug…. I dont know.  Either way, I seem to have bundled all this stuff together, focused it on the one thing that noticeably makes me feel less femme-asculated (well you find a term that’s a feminine equivalent for ’emasculation’).   And now it’s all typed out the whole thing seems even more ludicrous then it does in my head.  😐

But… ludicrous or not…. all this is underlying why I  want to keep my manicured nails…. but God knows how I’m going to find the time!  🙁
.

I was at a coffee shop yesterday and when BigSal got up to go to the bathroom, and there was four women sitting at the next table who were having this discussion about what ‘bits’ they found attractive in men.

One of them, Ms Gregarious UncomfortableShoes was adamant that she looks for a nice butt in a guy, and that she’s found herself mesmerized watching guys walk in the street if she thought they had a great arse…. predictable thinks I… lots of chicks seem have a thing for arses though, personally I know not why.

Another, Ms LaughsTooLoud and OrangeIsn’tReallyHerColour chimes in with a whimsical insistence that it’s all in their eyes for her… that she likes kind eyes and says you can tell so much about a man from looking into his eyes…. my internal monologue starts with the vomit noises at this disclosure…  I’d put money on her being a Whitney Huston fan….. or or , maybe even Mariah!  😐    Where’s BigSal, come rescue me from this drivel!

Ms BigHaired Hasn’tGrownUpAsMuchAsHerFriends tries to shock them with a description of how she likes guys with big scholongs, and how you never know what you’re gonna get until it’s too late story, cos sometimes “the skinny ones have more than you’d expect you know” and a run down on the well worn correlation to feet size gambit, causing her friends look askance at each other…. nice little bit of oversharing there luvvy!

Last chickie, Ms PrimNProper WhiteSlacks says she just likes really handsome men, with chiselled good looks, and (dont get this) cant resist a guy in a chucky knit wool sweater!…. what the?  Hmmm… yeah, visions of smelly fisherman’s jumpers … dead sexy… though I think her picture probably involved designer label jeans and expensive deck shoes….

Anyway, got me thinking…. what sorts of things do i find initially attractive in men… Normally the first thing I tend to notice i think is someone’s eyes. but largely just to see if there’s something in there ticking away behind ’em  🙂  Next is probably what they have to say… am far more engaged by what someone has to say than what they look like, helps a lot if  there’s an off kilter sense of humour, and an interesting intellect … oh and bonus if there’s a deep masculine voice attached… some men have voices that just resonate with you for some reason…  hmmm.   Vin Diesel Voice!!!   😉

Other than that, I like hands.  😐  I’m not sure I can verbalize what I like about mens hands, but I do know that I always tend to look at them… a lot, and I find men particularly attractive who appear to have large capable looking hands.  Not sure why that is… but hands are something that I always check out.  (Shrug?)  I like the way the way my hands feel tiny in someone else’s  (which they kinda are), and it absolutely turns me on to have my hands softly played with and carressed!!  Hmmm… Something totally sensuous and purely erotic about that one!  In the past I’ve had occasions where I’ve just looked at some man’s hands and wanted get naked with him so I can just feel his hands on my skin!  Didn’t matter what the rest of him is doing/saying… That’s a little weird right?  :S