l had another bizarro dream last night.  LIkely drug induced :S

I was on a boat or in a vessel of some sort that capsized – could have been a submarine (can submarines capsize???).  There were a couple of other people, though I don’t remember who they were and for some strange reason we could talk/communicate underwater.  The situation felt rather panicked, which is natural I guess if you’re trapped under water, and we were screaming at each other about what we were going to do when we ran out of air.  Somehow we reached the decision to make a swim for it to the ‘Inaccessible Island’ but I was aware that that was no such place.

We all scrambled out from our capsized boat/floundering submarine and started to swim and the water was freezing and there was ice everywhere as though we were under polar ice caps or underneath an enormous iceberg or something.  I saw a polar bear swimming underwater also…. he left us alone even though I remember being aware that he could well, harm/kill/eat us if he wanted to.  Strangely we were still able to talk to each other underwater and we were swimming for our lives.  Someone was leading us to the ‘Inaccessible Island’ which wasn’t an island at all…. I had a sense we were swimming for an air pocket trapped underneath the ice where we would be able to breathe until we could be rescued.  We made it to the air and I recall bursting out of the water and grasping for air. 

And then I woke up.
.

OMG! I’ve just woken up after having the most bizarre dream… (queue Dana Carvey as Garth from Wayne’s World staring into the camera looking slightly unhinged, waving his hands in front of him saying “Deddle le det, deddle le det, deddle le det…”

I was in the supermarket doing the groceries with my sister, BigSal (which for the record hasn’t really happened since we sharehoused together in 1991) and she was nattering away about some shit or other (I have no idea what, as I was pushing the trolley laden with her groceries and her youngest daughter, Hazel, and had tuned out) while she was continuing to throw stuff in for me to buy (somehow I knew I was paying) for her…. when we came to the end of an aisle and stopped to chat with someone we know – Diamond Desiree (who I’ve not see for about a year or so). 

Now they started chatting (Mom and baby stuff) while I was surrepticiously slipping a bulk box of Weed Killer into the trolley that I knew BigSal wouldn’t want, when suddenly for reasons beyond my comprehension I decided to make a run for it!  I scooped up Diamond Desiree’s toddler and threw her in my trolley but it wasn’t JJ, her extremely challenging young son (read parent’s ADHD nightmare) but rather it was her sister Andrea that I haven’t seen for about four years, who is currently in her mid 20s but for some reason in my dream was a toddler…  so I throw Toddler Andrea in the trolley, noted that I’d just crushed the fucking eggs, and start racing down the aisle and heading out of the store knowing that outside There Be Freedom ?!?!

BigSal and her other rugrat, Fishy Bob, decide to give chase and are running after me but they’re not concerned, they’re having fun – smiling happily and laughing a lot (Fishy Bob has an amazing laugh that conveys so much joy in such a little person, you have to hear it to believe it) while I am bolting for the door and knocking over a stack of Kimbies (old brand of disposable nappies from the 70s – queue Nana Mouskouri singing ‘We have joy, we have fun, we wear Kimbies on our bum’ ???) and pulling down another stack of my favourtite Cadbury’s Caramel Flavoured Drinking Chocolate (this is a discontinued line – the bastards!) which they then wade through like they’re in a ball pit at one of those Lollipop play places.

Now even though I’m trying to escape for some reason, I stop at the checkout and all the contents of my trolley are on the conveyor belt already including the fucking broken eggs, which are inexplicably pissing me off,… and the two small children, Toddler Andrea and Hazel are being scanned Simpsons style by Paul Bettany as the white albino priest, Silas from the Da Vinci Code, who is saying “You’re late, you’re late for a very important date!”  Thankfully it fades to white here as I wake up feeling somewhat discombobulated…  as you do.  :S

So now that I’m fully awake, I think there’s a special lesson here for all of us – Don’t Mix Your Prescription Opioids with Alcohol kiddies… it’ll send you ’round the twist!!!

I woke up at approx 0530 this morning.  And woke up in a flat panic.

I very rarely remember my dreams unless I wake up in the middle of them like I did this morning. 

The dream started off really normal, I was at the beach and swimming in the surf with Angel, and we were having fun and laughing and he was getting really good at diving beneath the waves.  Then I looked up and saw a massive break rolling towards us and tried to swim to him urgently.   Well I didnt make it to him.  And I saw his little head disappear into the wave, and I dived under the wave myself.  It felt like an eternity and I came back up behind the wave and Angel was no where to be seen.  I was standing there screaming his name, and looking for him and he was just gone.  Totally disappeared.    In my dream I could feel the total panic rising and that’s when I woke up…..

feeling totally panicked and nigh on convinced it was real …. that he was somehow gone.  Was everything I could do to stop myself from getting up and going to see if he was still safe in his bedroom.  I hate that feeling of panic and helplessness…. or maybe it’s the sense of being out of control that I dont like.  It’s somehow strangely amplified when you feel it waking up like that and it took about half an hour to leave me after that.

Hope I get a better night sleep tonight … dont want a repeat of that again :S
.

I just had the most awful dream.  I had spent the night at a farmhouse somewhere and it was a very large place with room for a family with about 12 kids…  I had the impression I was staying there out of some sense of obligation rather than my actually wanting to be there.  Anyway it was morning and I was walking outside the place and I was wearing very daggy clothes – things I dont own – when Mr K rang me on my mobile phone and he sounded really cold and distant.  He was telling me that he was going to go take a job a long way away and he didn’t want to discuss it as he had made up his mind.  When I started to protest I could hear a woman on the phone in the background laughing at me and I realised he had me on speaker.  It felt like I was speaking to Mr K like he was last year when he was saying he wasn’t sure if we should stay married… like I was talking to a stranger who I hardly knew, he was diffident and not moved by anything I had to say on my or Angels behalf to convince him not to move.. and all the while this woman was laughing at me in the background.  I had the feeling that I knew who the woman was and that she had been around for a while, but I don’t know what her name was.  Eventually it got to the point where she was saying that she was going to ‘have’ Mr K now and that I would just have to forget about him because he didn’t want me anymore. 

At the end of the dream I had walked into the house where all the kids were and I was pleading with Mr K to reconsider and as I walked through the house, all these little children were trying to grab at me not to leave.  I walked into one room of the house and it was a shop and I was surrounded by strange women who were staring at me because I was crying and all I could hear was the woman taunting and laughing  on the phone and Mr K wouldn’t say anything no matter how much I tried to get him to respond.  I wanted to leave the house/shop and straight away drive to Mr K’s work even though I was supposed to be going to uni (???), but I didn’t have any way to leave.

And then I woke up.  And came straight here to write it down.  And I feel awful from it…. and Mr K isn’t here to hug me.