OMG! I’ve just woken up after having the most bizarre dream… (queue Dana Carvey as Garth from Wayne’s World staring into the camera looking slightly unhinged, waving his hands in front of him saying “Deddle le det, deddle le det, deddle le det…”
I was in the supermarket doing the groceries with my sister, BigSal (which for the record hasn’t really happened since we sharehoused together in 1991) and she was nattering away about some shit or other (I have no idea what, as I was pushing the trolley laden with her groceries and her youngest daughter, Hazel, and had tuned out) while she was continuing to throw stuff in for me to buy (somehow I knew I was paying) for her…. when we came to the end of an aisle and stopped to chat with someone we know – Diamond Desiree (who I’ve not see for about a year or so).
Now they started chatting (Mom and baby stuff) while I was surrepticiously slipping a bulk box of Weed Killer into the trolley that I knew BigSal wouldn’t want, when suddenly for reasons beyond my comprehension I decided to make a run for it! I scooped up Diamond Desiree’s toddler and threw her in my trolley but it wasn’t JJ, her extremely challenging young son (read parent’s ADHD nightmare) but rather it was her sister Andrea that I haven’t seen for about four years, who is currently in her mid 20s but for some reason in my dream was a toddler… so I throw Toddler Andrea in the trolley, noted that I’d just crushed the fucking eggs, and start racing down the aisle and heading out of the store knowing that outside There Be Freedom ?!?!
BigSal and her other rugrat, Fishy Bob, decide to give chase and are running after me but they’re not concerned, they’re having fun – smiling happily and laughing a lot (Fishy Bob has an amazing laugh that conveys so much joy in such a little person, you have to hear it to believe it) while I am bolting for the door and knocking over a stack of Kimbies (old brand of disposable nappies from the 70s – queue Nana Mouskouri singing ‘We have joy, we have fun, we wear Kimbies on our bum’ ???) and pulling down another stack of my favourtite Cadbury’s Caramel Flavoured Drinking Chocolate (this is a discontinued line – the bastards!) which they then wade through like they’re in a ball pit at one of those Lollipop play places.
Now even though I’m trying to escape for some reason, I stop at the checkout and all the contents of my trolley are on the conveyor belt already including the fucking broken eggs, which are inexplicably pissing me off,… and the two small children, Toddler Andrea and Hazel are being scanned Simpsons style by Paul Bettany as the white albino priest, Silas from the Da Vinci Code, who is saying “You’re late, you’re late for a very important date!” Thankfully it fades to white here as I wake up feeling somewhat discombobulated… as you do. :S
So now that I’m fully awake, I think there’s a special lesson here for all of us – Don’t Mix Your Prescription Opioids with Alcohol kiddies… it’ll send you ’round the twist!!!