You want to tell me that you love me…

Posted on November 22, 2013 by borysSNORC

Why is it that he always sends an, “I love you” message, right when you are in the middle of storming around the house cursing his fucking name?

Is it ESP or something? Does he feel that right at that moment he is mentally being burned in effigy and suddenly feels the need to try and buy some good karma or something? Because I frequently get the text message that says, “I hope you’re having a great day. I love you.’, when I am so pissed off I want to scream!!!

I’ll be in the middle of wiping the coffee stains off the kitchen benches, the cupboards and even the goddamn floor, and mentally calculating how many more times I am prepared to do this before I throw the malodorous filthy fucking espresso machine out the fricken kitchen window and my little iPhone will innocuously go *ding* with an ‘I love you’.

Or I’ll be scrubbing the toilet of HIS skiddies, or scraping phlegm off the bathroom sink or washing bits of beard off the porcelain… and wondering ‘Ferfucksake why?!? Does he not see it? DOES HE NOT FUCKING SEE IT?’ and the phone will go *ding* with little messages of love.

I’ll be thinking to myself, ‘what part of, “you need to find somewhere else to hang those ties” sounds like a fucking suggestion?’, or ‘he said he fucking cleaned this, and yet here I am, on my hands and knees, doing it properly’, or sighing in slumped resignation at the realization that my request to take the stupid garbage out has been ignored for the umpteenth time and my phone will go *ding* with a text window telling me I’m so awesome. 🙁

WELL FUCK THAT SHIT.

You want to tell me that you love me… scrub down your own damn dunny and leave it smelling fresh and clean for the next occupant.

You want to tell me that you love me… actually clean the dishes when you say you are going to, and realize that cleaning the dishes also involves wiping down the sink!

You want to tell me that you love me… look after your own shit and don’t leave disgusting coffee stains and smells permeating the entire kitchen.

You want to tell me that you love me… don’t use the bathtub as an ‘overflow’ laundry hamper hindering anyone from actually taking a fucking bath!

You want to tell me that you love me… don’t vacuum the floor in part of the house and leave another part of the house littered with crap.

You want to tell me that you love me… then fucking DO something useful and fucking do it properly!

Here’s some free advice… thinking of getting married and sharing your life with someone until ‘death do you part’ or until one of you is lying about screwing some sort of window licking crazy in a dodgy hotel room on a Tuesday? By all means. Marriage rocks. Having someone to share your life with is awesome. BUT for crying out loud, save yourself years of heartache and marry someone who has the same sense of ‘clean’ as you do. Else you are just buying into a world of fucking hurt.

And don’t get me started on having compatible concepts of ‘punctuality’…

We got tickets!

Posted on November 20, 2013 by borysSNORC

Tickets? I LOVE tickets!

So we realized that there has been a decided lack of holidays in our lives of late… and by ‘our’, I really mean Mr K’s life. Because let’s face it – I seem to be travelling all over the place these last few years. Especially locally as it seems to have become de rigeur to fly off to Sydney or Canberra for a birthday party with friends, and there’s been heaps of SCA travel of late too.

Anyway, holidays. Mr K decided he wanted to go to Washington and New York and show me all the sights. Which turned into Washington and New York with Las Vegas on the way home – for more Cirque du Soleil of course! 😀 Which then turned into Washington, New York, tootling around Pennsylvania, Maine, Connecticut and Boston, and then Las Vegas on the way home. Which turned into Washington, New York, tootling around Pennsylvania, Maine, Connecticut and Boston, then Orlando for the Cape Canaveral space stuff and New Orleans, cos well… New Orleans! and then Las Vegas for Cirque du Soleil on the way home… and then that turned into ‘Oh hey wait… if we do this arse-about, we can do MARDI GRAS in New Orleans, then Cape Canaveral space stuff in Orlando, then Washington, then New York, then tootle around Pennsylvania, Maine, Connecticut and Boston, and then Las Vegas on the way home!

New Orleans for MARDI GRAS… Hells yes!

March 1st, 2014
Brisbane to Los Angeles – 11:30Am – 6:30am
Los Angeles to Dallas – 10:25 – 3:30pm
Dallas to New Orleans – 5:30pm – 6:30pm

March 12th, 2014
Orlando to Miami – 10:20am – 11:15am
Miami to Washington – 12:25pm – 2:50pm

April 1st, 2014
Boston to Chicago – 10:25am – 12:10pm
Chicago to Las Vegas – 2:30pm – 4:20pm

April 6th, 2014
Las Vegas to Los Angeles – 7:35pm – 8:45pm
Los Angeles to Brisbane – 11:45pm – 6:30am (Tuesday)

Oh, and the best bit? The whole lot is covered by Frequent Flyer points, give or take some fees and taxes! W00t! 😀

Cards Against Humanity Holiday Bullshit

Posted on November 15, 2013 by borysSNORC

Interesting email arrived in my inbox this morning. Given my recent interactions with the crazy folk over at Cards Against Humanity, I seem to have ended up on their email list… nothing unusual there I guess – sign up or buy anything on the internet and you end up on another bloody email list. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, Cards Against Humanity sent me the following email:

Dear Horrible Friends,

The holiday season is upon us, and it’s time for us to do a crazy stunt in a desperate bid for your attention and money.

We know that you, our loyal fans, are no longer aroused by the mere promise of new cards. So this year, prepare yourselves for a stream of holiday bullshit the likes of which you’ve never seen before.

Here’s how it works: You give us $12, and we’ll send you 12 mystery gifts over 12 days. Our accountant told us that this holiday stunt is “highly inadvisable,” so we’ve limited it to the first 100,000 people who sign up.

We think you’re going to love the gifts we’ve put together for you, and you should sign up now at HolidayBullshit.com if you want to find out what they are.

Blessings to you and your loved ones,
– The Cards Against Humanity Team

Well, with a great sell like that how could I resist? I clicked on through to the link and discovered there were about 9,000 spaces left. Started to sign up and … fuckit … wouldn’t you know it, Holiday Bullshit Stuff and Nonsense only available to residents of the US. Meh, not surprising really, sounds like they were only getting you to cover postage. Hmmm… Quick need a US email address ASAP. Facebook to the rescue! Within five minutes I had an accomplice willing to accept the mysterious ‘Holiday Bullshit’ parcels (and amazingly another half a dozen US friends offered addresses too over the next hour or so), so I bopped back to the website and in the five minutes it had taken to ‘phone a friend’ the counter had dropped to only 7,000 spaces for participants available. So signed us up, paid the measly $12.00 and was asked two questions, upon which they were apparently going to determine if you get the ‘Naughty’ or ‘Nice’ Holiday Bullshit gift set.

Question 1: What is the nicest thing you have done this year?
Answer: Fostered two poor little rescue puppies from a puppy farm.

Question 2: What is the naughtiest thing you have done this year?
Answer: My best friend. More than once. 😉

Awesome, sign up complete… let the Holiday Bullshit begin. Seeing that I hate Christmas with a passion, I have my fingers crossed that these might be my kind of Christmas ‘celebrations’.

Shit, these guys are funny… just clicked through to their FAQs:

Your Dumb Holiday Questions

What is this bullshit?
Cards Against Humanity’s 12 Days of Holiday Bullshit is a Seasonal Promotion™ that we’ve created to capture your attention and money. You give us $12, and we’ll send you 12 gifts over 12 days.

Is this the same thing you did last year?
No. This is a new thing.

Are you making any money on this?
No, it’s incredibly irresponsible.

When do I give you $12?
As quickly as possible.

When do I get my 12 gifts?
We’ll start putting gifts in the mail in the first week of December. You’ll receive all of them before Christmas.

Can I sign up more than once?
The 12 Days of Holiday Bullshit is limited to one per household.

What if I have some excuse that I just made up?
It’s still limited to one per household.

What are the secret gifts?
Indeed, the very nature of a secret is that the people keeping the secret won’t tell you what the secret is when you ask them what the secret is like an idiot.

What if I don’t like one of the 12 gifts?
What if your expectations for the quality of your life are too high?

Why does this cost $10 more for Canadians?
Because we have to mail 12 envelopes to Canada, which is more expensive than mailing 12 envelopes within the United States.

I don’t live in the USA or Canada. Can I sign up?
Unfortunately you cannot. It’s too expensive for us to send mail overseas.

Can I track my order?
You don’t even know what you’re getting.

Is Santa real?
No. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.

So, now I’m going to wait and see what kind of Bullshit I’ve actually signed up for and will have to get my accomplice in Pennsylvania to send photos of each parcel. 😛 I’m so not a patient person – can you spell ‘delayed gratification’, boys and girls? Well, I fucking can’t!

How to: Save money on white goods.

Posted on November 13, 2013 by borysSNORC

I was out shopping a few weeks ago looking for a stove top for yale whose new house requires one that actually, well functions properly. And naturally while I was there, I saw and immediately had to have a new fridge. I am sure there is logic in there somewhere, but stuffed if I can ferret it out at the moment.

Anyway, we were at the Good Guys at Mt Gravatt, a chain known for their in the box/discount prices and I saw a fridge that would fit in the space in my kitchen just nicely (bit tight but will do the trick). It was a Samsung 528L SRF527DSLS. RRP on the Samsung website was $2,299.00 – which seemed a bit expensive for my liking (NEVER pay full retail, people!). But I looked it up on the Choice website and it had great reviews, saying it was good for energy consumption, good range of temperatures available, good fluctuation (whatever that is) and good response to changes in room temperature… only let down according to the reviewers were that the controls were located on the top of the inside of the fridge door – but how often do you adjust the temperature of your fridge?

Anyway the Good Guys had it advertised as a significantly discounted price from the ridiculous Samsung RRP at – $1,649.00 (though pretty sure that didn’t include delivery), which made a good jumping off price point.

I thought I’d have a hunt around for a better price. Didn’t bother going to Hardly Normal because well, they are always more expensive than the other appliance and electronics retailers, and lately Gerry Harvey is being a complete and utter tosser in the national political arena. And Clive Peeters seem to have fallen off the edge of the retail planet so I hit the internets and found a much better price at a company called Appliances Online – appliancesonline.com.au being $1,439.00 which included free delivery to my postcode. Getting decidedly better… $200 less and free delivery was sounding pretty good.

Not too shabby. Next best price I found was from Masters – the hardware guys who have opened up near us a while back and who are attempting to give Bunnings a run for their money. Masters were advertising the same appliance for $1,547.00 with free delivery also.

But… the best thing about the Masters mob is that they not only price match, but they have a guaranteed ‘beat any price by 10%’, including online prices. So I had a live chat with one of their customer service representatives to ensure that when I rocked up down at the store that this would actually be the case. And yep, sure as eggs, Masters would not only match the $1,439.00 from Appliances Onilne, but they were prepared to discount it by a further 10% bringing the price down to $1,295.10 including free delivery! A far cry from the Samsung RRP of $2,299.00.

Now we are cooking with gas. Just one more stop before making a decision – try the Union Shopper and see if they can beat the quoted $1,295.10. And as it turns out… No. No they can’t. One of the largest buyers consortiums in the state can’t beat that price.

So, off to Masters I went. Ordered and paid for a new fridge and arranged delivery for tomorrow… before they changed their mind!

Once more with feeling.

Posted on November 13, 2013 by borysSNORC

Mr K needs a holiday.
I mean he really. NEEDS. a. holiday.
Loved the cruise around New Zealand so much the last two times that… we are doing it again! And at $1200pp for an all inclusive 14 night trip, totally can’t complain about that!