( – )ve… again

I did my pregnancy test this morning, and was feeling pretty good about it. We had three eggs coming down and two nice blastocysts transferred back (FET) so maybe one in five isn’t too much to ask! And I hadn’t had any unwanted bleeding this time, so I thought I was at least in with a chance. But….. another negative. (Sigh) You know, I can’t seem to muster the energy to be upset about it. I dont feel like crying, I dont feel like talking about it, I dont even want to have to think about it, in truth. I left the test in the bathroom for Hubby to see eventuatlly, I just didn’t feel like telling him.

The hard bit is that now, we are at another crisis point again. No embryos left in the freezer. Which means another pick up surgery if we want to keep going. If I go ahead, that will be my third egg collection this year, and my fouth general anaesthetic in less than 8 months – that can’t be healthy. And I am not sure I want to anymore. At the moment I am just so SICK and TIRED of the whole thing. I feel like I haven’t had space in my brain to think about anything else for the last three years, as all my mental energy has been focused on IVF. But I really am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Keep going or give up. Put up with all this, or no more children – full stop. I dont know what I want to do at this point, and I am exhausted just thinking about it.

Nothing seems to work, the list of procedures just keeps getting longer, and I can’t see a (+)ve at the end of the tunnel.

Tell me what you think