I am back on the IVF medication this week, and I have to say, I am starting to feel the side effects already. It is awful stuff, makes me feel cranky and irritable all the time, though some might say this is just a natural state for me 😐 I have been taking one hormone or other for nearly three years now. I am sick and tired of living my life as though I could be, maybe, but probably am not pregnant. I dont smoke, dont drink coffee or coke, avoid all the toxic paint fumes that I used to suck up for hours on end. I have always done exactly what they told me to, and I am just sick of it. It would be nice just to feel like I can just LIVE for a bit, without a tonne of restrictions hanging over my head.
I guess another frozen embryo transfer is in my near future, and I am not sure how I feel about it. I feel quite strongly that I want to continue trying to have children, but now I am fully aware of my history of miscarriage, and am going to have to steel myself at the end of the cycle against either result! Getting a negative will be just as disappointing as always, but getting the positive I have been hoping for all this time is just going to be a nightmare. It will be a horrible waiting game for a 10 week scan to see if the situation is viable. So now I find I am not looking forward to getting a positive result either! So, kinda emotionally screwed either way really – fabulous, can’t hardly wait. 🙁
Hubby doesn’t seem to share this perspective, I dont think he has thought about it much at all really. I guess he is reather occupied with his impending resignation from the arsehole company he has been working for. I hope he quits today actually, I hate the idea that he is going off to work everyday and hating it.