So Bratislava is a stone’s throw Vienna… and well, it’s a place that has been our collective social group’s popular imagination since the movie, Eurotrip came out several years ago and the main characters ended up in Bratislava instead of Berlin. Which is why I guess it ended up on my List? Who knows? It was only a 50km drive, so off we went. Good timing as it turns out; Austria and Slovakia did away with their hard border in 2023, so no BS coming and going from the Schengen countries. Small win, we’ll take it!

Back to German speed limits, sweet… Austria put a bit of a harsh on our German autobahn buzz as they have stricter speed limits and severe penalties – up to like, €7,500 for high infringements, and strict hooning laws that can see vehicles confiscated and surrendered. Freedom…!

Immediately the architecture changes – feels like we are back in Bulgaria, or anywhere in the Balkans really. Vienna feels very much all fancy and Baroque and Rococo even in the ‘burbs; here there’s definitely more of a 60s Soviet toilet block vibe going on.

One of Bratislava’s famous landmarks – a revolving restaurant high above a highway? Colour me confused. Why would you want to have dinner above a highway? And where exactly do patrons park to dine here?

This whole trip, I was taking for granted just how much I was able to read directions, signs and advertising in German – now I might as well be in Greece. Can’t read a thing… though thanks to American capitalism, you can’t mistake this shit:

The Námestie Slobody or Freedom Square. This fountain was installed in 2023 to reinvigorate what was a rather depressed, run down area full of government buildings. We were here around 10am, and there were loads of people running about in the fountain in their bathers enjoying the sun and the water… and not just kids either. Don’t they know it’s too cold for these sorts of shenanigans?

The Slovak National Theatre is the main centre for opera, ballet and theatre. The building was designed in the late 1776 and renovated in the late 1800s, so maybe the city isn’t entirely made of Soviet 60s toilet block architecture.

The pedestrian area of the town turned out to be really kinda cute and artsy. Even the touristy souvenir shops make a bit of an effort. I imagine that Bratislava was a cheap tourist destination until recent years. It is apparently becoming a prime destination for Bucks Weekends and Stag Nights for Brits, because it’s so much cheaper than Amsterdam… or at least it was. We found prices here were comparable with Germany which is to say, slightly cheaper than Austria but definitely not in line with other Balkan counties.

Weird souvenir stuffs… slingshots? What could go wrong.

Slovakia is apparently known for it’s distinctive local folk pottery – and gotta say, it ain’t my thing at all. I mean, it’s not as bad as Portmeirion pottery, but it’s a fine line.

Čumil is one of the most famous sculptures in Bratislava – arguably in the entire Slovak region to be honest. He has become one of the city’s most recognised landmarks and is one of the biggest attractions in the city centre. He is a bronze statue created by Viktor Hulík, a well known sculptor, graphic artist, academic and painter. Čumil was install in 1997 at a massive party called the Korzo Party that the city held to celebrate the completion of a major pedestrian urban city centre renewal. Apparently 30,000 people were at the Korzo Party including the President of Slovakia, Michal Kováč – which sounds kinda cool. Gotta say, kudos to the Slovaks if this urban renewal stuff has only been going strong for 20years or so… the town looks great and is a lovely place to visit.

Čumil is located outside a small local jeweller who sells overpriced amber, and who is probably totally sick to death of the tourists milling about outside his store and never coming in! 😀 He’s a bit hard to miss, and you find yourself walking past him repeatedly as you move about the city centre.

I like him! He has real character.

The Main Square and the 16thC fountain of Maximilian I.

More quirky little artsy shops and stuff.

It turned into quite a warm day and got pretty hot walking around by midday – and we weren’t musuem’ing so we were out in the sun and Angus decided to have a mango gelato (as you do!) but he meant to ask for it in a cup. When he belatedly mentioned the cup, the server just dumped it upside down in a cup for him. LOL. Efficiency, I like it.

Walking back past Čumi again, I think I caught the best shot – wonder how often some pupper lifts his leg on him!

After wandering around the town centre, doing a bit of shopping and having a bit of lunch, we went to have a look at the Bratislava Castle which apparently has, 1) really good views over the city, 2) a small local history museum which is nowhere near as fancy as the Schonbrunn or the Nymphenberg that we have seen this week, and 3) a small treasury – which we were going to go in and visit, but the people selling the tickets made it sounds so crap. ‘Er, de objects are mostly of de coppur and not very old you’no, and most of dee reel treasures are in da Vienna Musuems, and it cost you €14 to come iin, each’ and blah, blah, blah… they totally talked us out of going into the Treasury! LOL.

Bratislava Castle is a large rectangular castle with four corner towers on an isolated outcrop of the Little Carpathian mountains. It looks directly down onto the Danube River which cuts through the centre of Bratislava. It’s massive and looks over the city, so it kinda hard to miss – you see it as soon as you get near the city. The original fortress built on this site was from the 9thC, and it, like so many castles, has been rebuilt continuously up until the 18thC. It also had some major reconstruction in the 20thC.

These tall three slender bronze statues didn’t have any inscriptions – we kinda assumed they might be magi (so much religious iconography has been consumed lately!) but this is more an orthodox region, so there could be some symbology we were missing.

Entrance gate to the Castle… there are four gates in total.

The views over the city and the Danube were pretty cool.

Front forecourt to the castle – it actually looks really clean and all shiny and new… which isn’t what you expect from castles as you get closer to the Balkans.

King Svatopluk I of Moravia (840-894) on his horse out front of the castle.

Courtyard of Bratislava Castle

We had a pretty good day poking around Bratislava, absorbing the artsy vibe and doing some shopping. It felt like a short day visit off a cruise ship though, and while I don’t think you’d need more than a weekend to check out the city, we didn’t get in amongst it much… back to Vienna we went.