Interesting email arrived in my inbox this morning. Given my recent interactions with the crazy folk over at Cards Against Humanity, I seem to have ended up on their email list… nothing unusual there I guess – sign up or buy anything on the internet and you end up on another bloody email list. Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes, Cards Against Humanity sent me the following email:
Dear Horrible Friends,
The holiday season is upon us, and it’s time for us to do a crazy stunt in a desperate bid for your attention and money.
We know that you, our loyal fans, are no longer aroused by the mere promise of new cards. So this year, prepare yourselves for a stream of holiday bullshit the likes of which you’ve never seen before.
Here’s how it works: You give us $12, and we’ll send you 12 mystery gifts over 12 days. Our accountant told us that this holiday stunt is “highly inadvisable,” so we’ve limited it to the first 100,000 people who sign up.
We think you’re going to love the gifts we’ve put together for you, and you should sign up now at HolidayBullshit.com if you want to find out what they are.
Blessings to you and your loved ones,
– The Cards Against Humanity Team
Well, with a great sell like that how could I resist? I clicked on through to the link and discovered there were about 9,000 spaces left. Started to sign up and … fuckit … wouldn’t you know it, Holiday Bullshit Stuff and Nonsense only available to residents of the US. Meh, not surprising really, sounds like they were only getting you to cover postage. Hmmm… Quick need a US email address ASAP. Facebook to the rescue! Within five minutes I had an accomplice willing to accept the mysterious ‘Holiday Bullshit’ parcels (and amazingly another half a dozen US friends offered addresses too over the next hour or so), so I bopped back to the website and in the five minutes it had taken to ‘phone a friend’ the counter had dropped to only 7,000 spaces for participants available. So signed us up, paid the measly $12.00 and was asked two questions, upon which they were apparently going to determine if you get the ‘Naughty’ or ‘Nice’ Holiday Bullshit gift set.
Question 1: What is the nicest thing you have done this year?
Answer: Fostered two poor little rescue puppies from a puppy farm.
Question 2: What is the naughtiest thing you have done this year?
Answer: My best friend. More than once. 😉
Awesome, sign up complete… let the Holiday Bullshit begin. Seeing that I hate Christmas with a passion, I have my fingers crossed that these might be my kind of Christmas ‘celebrations’.
Shit, these guys are funny… just clicked through to their FAQs:
Your Dumb Holiday Questions
What is this bullshit?
Cards Against Humanity’s 12 Days of Holiday Bullshit is a Seasonal Promotion™ that we’ve created to capture your attention and money. You give us $12, and we’ll send you 12 gifts over 12 days.
Is this the same thing you did last year?
No. This is a new thing.
Are you making any money on this?
No, it’s incredibly irresponsible.
When do I give you $12?
As quickly as possible.
When do I get my 12 gifts?
We’ll start putting gifts in the mail in the first week of December. You’ll receive all of them before Christmas.
Can I sign up more than once?
The 12 Days of Holiday Bullshit is limited to one per household.
What if I have some excuse that I just made up?
It’s still limited to one per household.
What are the secret gifts?
Indeed, the very nature of a secret is that the people keeping the secret won’t tell you what the secret is when you ask them what the secret is like an idiot.
What if I don’t like one of the 12 gifts?
What if your expectations for the quality of your life are too high?
Why does this cost $10 more for Canadians?
Because we have to mail 12 envelopes to Canada, which is more expensive than mailing 12 envelopes within the United States.
I don’t live in the USA or Canada. Can I sign up?
Unfortunately you cannot. It’s too expensive for us to send mail overseas.
Can I track my order?
You don’t even know what you’re getting.
Is Santa real?
No. I’m sorry you had to find out this way.
So, now I’m going to wait and see what kind of Bullshit I’ve actually signed up for and will have to get my accomplice in Pennsylvania to send photos of each parcel. 😛 I’m so not a patient person – can you spell ‘delayed gratification’, boys and girls? Well, I fucking can’t!