I may have made a slight tactical error yesterday… and by that I mean that I did something monumentally stupid and now I’m paying for it.  I had to go to Bunnings to pick up some foil insulation, a new set of drill bits because some bastard seems to have made off with our old set as well as some other miscellaneous building related items.  When I got home I quite literally could not find anywhere in the garage to place the stuff I had just bought so I thought I’d shuffle some things around.

Big mistake.

Fucking big mistake.

Because once I started moving things about… and by that I mean putting everything back on the shelves where they belonged I couldn’t seem to stop.  So now the entire garage is tidied up, and things more methodically stowed and you can actually walk around in there again but my back has been screaming "HOLY FUCK WOMAN!  WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" at me all day.  I’m in so much pain I feel like I haven’t been able to think about anything else all day…. anything else of course except how damn lazy do you have to be to let the garage get that way in the first place????

I don’t understand why people don’t put things back when they’ve finished using them.  Why would there be three or four screwdrivers, at least two hammers, a few spanners and other tools left laying about on the ground, the work bench, in a bucket (?) and on a pile of bricks… rather than put back in the toolbox from whence they came?  Surely it makes more sense to put it back when you’re finished with it so that you know where the hell to look for it next time you need it?   It makes no sense to me to leave shit just dropped any old place.  None whatsoever.  How can it be too much trouble to take the 10 seconds required (or less) to return something to it’s allocated position?

It’s no wonder our damn drill bits are missing… I had half expected to find them in my cleaning frenzy yesterday and I’m convinced they’re going to turn up around here somewhere.  Somewhere unexpected like under the Small Child’s bed or perhaps in the cupboard under the sink in the laundry or somewhere else equally unsuitable for stowing a box of drill bits.
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We’re putting a room on our house – cos you know… the place is a bit on the small side for the three of us. And besides there’s NO such thing as having too much space and one can ALWAYS use more closets to store ‘stuff’ and of course there’s the truth that is universally accepted that one can NEVER have enough wall space for bookcases.

Problem is the whole thing is making me twitch. I am useless… utterly useless in the ill advised fantastically rewarding field of renovating Owner Builder style… as fucking useless as tits on a bull !!!

or as useless as a one armed juggler
or a screendoor on a submarine
or a one legged man in an ass kicking contest
or a snooze button on a smoke alarm
or an ashtray on a motorbike
or a chocolate teapot
or a men’s room at a Lillith fair
or rubber lips on a woodpecker
or a bucket without a bottom
or a glow in the dark sundial
or a a condom machine in a convent !!!

What’s your problem? 😀
It meets the requirements*
 

Fekkin’ useless all round really. And I have discovered I am 100% my parent’s daughter and sitting around watching other people work is about as frustrating as all shit. Oh yeah… I make a halfway decent Girl Friday and can play the "Coffee Bitch", the "Call the Tool Hire Company Bitch", the "Suck Up to the Council Inspector Bitch" and the "Ordering-Pizza-Like Nobody’s-Business Bitch". But that’s about where my contributions end. I’ve rarely felt so absolutely unnecessary and impotent in my entire life.

So for the physically challenged I most certainly do NOT recommend the Owner Builder Experience… but perhaps some variant of the Backyard Blitz Experience where you could go away and let some crazy arsed TV presenter walk around babbling about some over ambitious, semi-covert plan in a rather unwarranted over the top enthusiastic tone, only to be eventually and predictably seen waving his arms around ineffectually in mock distress half way through the show about running out of time before the owner is expected to return by which point all the work will have been done just in the nick of time…. and with a bit of luck… professionally executed without any hint of the almost obligatory outdoor Balinese day bed.

This option would very neatly negate having to watch from the cheap seats while everyone else is getting stuck into working on YOUR house while you sat inside calling concrete suppliers and muttering swear words under your breath about how narrow your damn driveway is.

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