“There is nothing which at once affects a man so much and so little, as his own death.”
~ Samuel Butler
Lately we have been spending an enormous amount of time and energy helping my mother and Mr K’s grandmother sort their affairs, as one moves from her home of 44 years into a new house, and the other moves from her home into a nursing facility.
Today, we went and updated our Wills. And with so many deaths in the family last year (three more than any family should have to bear in one 12 month period), it really has us wondering why people are not more prepared for what is an inevitable part of life – death.
Two of the family members in question died intestate… as in, they had no Wills. Surely, this is not representative of the population as a whole, that two thirds of people do not have a legal Will outlining their final wishes for their property and possessions?!? I don’t know, but I would seriously hope not.
For some reason, we don’t talk about death much and we rarely talk about planning for death and in particular, the aftermath of our own deaths. I am one of those habitually morbid people whose mind jumps to the worst possible conclusions when someone’s bus is running late, or if they are half an hour late for an engagement and are unable to be reached. My mind runs away with me all the time, thinking that some horrible misfortune has befallen my loved ones. I have always put this down to the fact that I’ve had four awful car accidents – three that very nearly could have proved fatal – and I know all too well, that death is but the blink of an eye away on any given day. But for some reason, most of us don’t think about it at all. We don’t even think about it ourselves, and we definitely don’t talk about it with our loved ones – and we really, really should!
Talk to your family about whether you want to donate your organs. Tell them if you want to be cremated or buried. Tell them if you want a big church funeral or a small non-denomination farewell. Tell them if you want your ashes scattered in the ocean, on an island, off a cliff. But for goodness sake talk about it, and continue talking about it throughout your life. This whole thing need demystifying.
We should have set routines for dealing with the legalities of death. Turn 18, make a Will. Get married, update the damn thing. Have a kid, check it still meets your needs. Find you have a metric shit-ton of superannuation, property, investments, whatever; update it again! Someone in your family passes away and your beneficiaries or executors are gone – that’s right… update time. But for some reason, we just can’t stand to be reminded that we, none of us!, are going to be here forever and these life administration matters end up on the back burner indefinitely.
And if you won’t do it for your own sake, do it for your kids, for your loved ones and your family, so they aren’t left sorting a nightmare in the middle of their grief.