“Saint Valentine (in Latin, Valentinus) is a widely recognized 3rd century Roman saint commemorated on February 14th and associated since the High Middle Ages with a tradition of ‘courtly love’. Nothing is reliably known of St. Valentine except his name and the fact that he died on February 14th on Via Flaminia in the north of Rome.” So, well we might ask, what on god’s green earth does this have to do with flowers and chocolates?
I’ve often railed against Valentine’s Day, as being nothing more than yet another Hallmark Holiday that we are all sucked into through societal pressure. And I’m damn sure this particular holiday bites the big one for the long term singleton as much as it does for the long time encoupled. If you’re in a relationship, there’s a ridiculous expectation that you’ll do something special for your partner… like you shouldn’t be showing them every single day in a million little ways how much you appreciate their presence in your life! If you’re in the newly partnered category, then there’s the almost hysterical expectations game to play ‘what if I don’t do enough?’ or even worse, ‘what if I over do it?’ How traumatic! And if you’re recently single well, it’s just another miserable reminder of how society expects us all to pair up and live happily ever after!
Valentines Day is a veritable minefield out there…!
And there’s plenty of angst to go round. Here is my list of 10 Reasons to Seriously Dislike Valentines Day and Why You Should Boycott It Entirely If You Can!
1. What if only one of you wants to celebrate it: It’s no fun if you celebrate Valentine’s Day in a relationship… by yourself. If your partner doesn’t like celebrating this arbitrary mass consumerist day of official romance, then you’re left to look around at all the other lovers who are really into it and wondering why that can’t be you. (Sorry Mr K, I am just not of a romantic frame of mind… far too pragmatic for my own good perhaps!)
2. It’s THE Hallmark Holiday from Hell. Let’s face it, these days most holidays are money-makers. Retailers are out there with the Easter eggs and hot cross buns straight after Christmas. But it’s not just the card shops, chocolatiers and florists who are out there wanting to pick your wallet on this particular Day de Hallmark… Nope. The restaurants, gift shops and jewellers are all hankering after your Valentines dollars too!
3. Expectations are Stoopidly high. Some women have ridiculously, sometimes extremely so, high expectations when it comes to this magical Day O’ Love. Any one little misstep and it’s all over. Show up late? Bzzt! Weather gods not co-operating with your al fresco dinner reservations? Oh the tragedy! The image of perfect romantic bliss is immediately defenestrated and you can only but hope to redeem yourself next year! Sigh… So much unnecessary pressure! And for what?
4. You don’t have a “Valentine” on this Random Romantic Day in February: OMG. Quelle horreur! How can you face it? How hard is it to walk outside and be thrust into a plethora of romantic and demonstrably happy couples having spent a fortune on unnecessary dead florae and superfluous calories… err I mean, canoodling lovingly with each other. Talk about depressing! Steady yourself, carry on regardless and take heart in knowing that more breakups occur around Valentine’s Day than any other time of year. (Perhaps that’s a result of that whole ‘expectations’ and ‘pressure’ equation again!)
5. It’s the only day you feel appreciated. There are 365 days in a year, so why is Valentine’s Day the only time we are encouraged to go out of our way to demonstrate our enjoyment and appreciation of our significant others? I think it might be time to rethink the general approach. If you can’t or don’t make the effort to make your special person know how you feel on the other 300 odd days in the calendar, then why bother on this one day? Why is February 14th so damn special? And if these romantic displays are so necessary for relationship bliss, shouldn’t we have more than only 1 out of 365 days where we are reminded to do just that?
6. V-Day can leave people thinking their relationships are inadequate. On the opposite side of the spectrum, perhaps you could be perfectly content in your relationship. But because your significant other didn’t send you the enormous (‘Oh, I’m so embarrassed!’ but secretly pleased and feeling more than a little smug) bouquet to your work and go all out for Valentine’s Day, it may unnecessarily leave you questioning how much he or she really cares. Comparing the dynamics of your relationship to those around is a moot point. No two relationships are alike… and would you actually want them to be all the same?? Noooo! Of course not.
7. My gift is better than yours. Ooh, yeah. Valentine’s Day one-upmanship can bring out the best/worst/most competitive behaviour in some men since every Grand Final Day in September. If you have a social group where the girlfriends flaunt their gifts in your face, Valentine’s Day can become a dangerous day for comparisons. Whoops, my blue collar is showing, therefore I mustn’t love you as much as Mr Cufflinked executive with his high disposable income obviously loves his partner. Don’t get suckered in! You can’t put a price on affection… well you can, but it usually comes by the hour and tends towards the fleeting. 😉
8. Oh dear, you can’t get over the past. For some, Valentine’s Day used to mean something – this might have been in the 10th grade where your first boyfriend, who you affectionately referred to as the Cookie Monster, gave you an ID bracelet with some mushy and/or insipid inscription in it! Or it might have been when your husband showered you with something special on your first Valentine. Well, now your Cookie Monster is married to someone who hates you, and/or the man of your dreams is your ex-husband! So every time Valentine’s Day brings with it dismal memories. Can’t get over the past, but it’s time to get over yourself!! While I despise its very existence, Valentines Day, strangely enough, isn’t all about you.
9. It can be a really one-sided holiday. Just have a look around you in the media and even in your very home. How many trees had to die to make the enormous plethora of junk mail leaflets from every damn florist and jewellery store in town – complete with trite little love heart pendants on the cover – to try and get your retail dollar. Ladies, if you carry the mentality that it’s all about us, then this could part of the reason why partners become so ambivalent on the topic. Are you giving your guy anything special? Are you spending money on him? Do you treat him to something nice? Or do you expect it all coming your way. If so, maybe, you should. Remember a blowjob is the masculine equivalent of giving a bouquet of roses… or so I’m told.
10. Then there’s the ‘what should I get?’ Other than the typical flowers and chocolates, it can become extremely difficult to come up with a unique gift that really melts your significant other’s heart. And this one only gets worse the longer the two of you are together. You’re getting older – have Platinum Visa and are prepared to use it whenever required – what’s left for you to buy for one another? It’s the Christmas gift giving nightmare all over again with barely two months grace! Why do we put ourselves through this crap just because it’s February 14th?
I SAY NO! BOYCOTT VALENTINES DAY! Celebrate your relationship once a week, once a fortnight, once a month… stuff this once a year things when the price of flowers goes through the roof!
Save the subterranean water tables in Kenya from avaricious florists! Save the Amazonian rainforests from pulp mills for cards that will be rapidly discarded! Save the poor chocolates from certain destruction… will someone please, think of the chocolates! But most of all, save yourselves! We’re all being conned.
Until next year, when I will no doubt rant about this again – Happy Random Day of Romance Ending In Y!