Every year I get half as pretty and twice as drunk.

Posted on June 3, 2012 by borysSNORC

Wow. Where to start? I went to see Tim Burton’s Dark Shadows this evening and have to say… I was singularly disappointed. I’ve been a bit of a fan since the way back when machine, so always look forward to seeing his new stuff come out. But this one reminds me of Sleepy Hollow… it was much anticipated but just kinda failed to deliver. Apparently it’s based on a TV show from the 60s that I’ve never seen, so maybe that explains my lack lustre response to the film, but even so, when did Tim Burton get so positively predictable? :S

There was the awkward fish out of water (vampire out of time) pasty white, gaunt, sunken eyed protagonist, a fairly epic cast which he seems to put together for all his films and the same sense of absurdity stemming from taking everyday ‘norms’ and kicking them in the guts to see what sort of kinky, disgusting or disturbing recontextualization he can make of them. It’s just soooo Tim Burton, it feels like the whole movie is an exercise in self aggrandizement and may as well be a homage to Tim Burton! Which would be fine if that were the aim, but somehow it feels like there is so much ‘typical’ Tim Burton fare in here, that it feels like it’s all flash and no substance, just sort of … Burton for Burton’s sake.

There’s a story, but it’s not particularly compelling, there’s quasi-interesting characters, but they’re not particular engaging and there’s a bit of pith and wit about going on, but it seems to be to no particular purpose?!? So what’s left? Johnny Depp plays an 18^th century new money American aristocrat who is turned into a vampire by his serving wench/lover (the very saucy Eva Green) who it turns out, hath no fury like a witch scorned when he informs her he could never love her. Basically she kills his fiance, turns him into a vampire (though how, isn’t really made clear) and then systematically sets about ruining his life – his family’s business empire and fucking up the lives of his descendants forever and ever, amen… as you do when you have a rich bastard boyfriend who decides he’s too good for you and that you’re never going to be the one he takes home to meet Mum and Dad…. oh wait, that’s right she killed them off too, for good measure.

There’s a lot I could say about what I thought was wrong with this movie but I won’t, as I think that most Tim Burton and Johnny Depp fans are going to front up to see it regardless of how wonky the reviews get. Speaking of Wonky, Johnny Depp seems to play a cross between Edward Scissorhands and Willy Wonker in this thing… no Jack Sparrowesqueness in sight though. It’s like he’s got two main modes. 😛

The other thing that was extremely disappointing is that working alongside the usually fabulous Johnny Depp is an absolute stellar cast – Eva Green as Angelique is a very sexy, determined witch/bitch but she’s kinda a caricature of what she should be; Helena Bonham Carter plays an alcoholic shrink whose character lacks both depth or consequence; Michelle Pfieffer plays a fading socialite who has no impact or presence; Jonny Lee Miller (whom I normally adore) plays a philandering dead beat Dad in a bit part, and some very 21^st century petulant spoiled brat performances from the kid actors – Chloe Grace Moretz and Gulliver McGrath – in spite of the whole thing being set in the 1970s!

Also, even though there’s stereotypical Burton weirdness everywhere, I think the weirdometer just about busts the dial during a crazy arse sex scene between Barnabas Collins (Deep) and Angelique Bouchard (Green) which I admit left most of the audience staring at the screen, giggling awkwardly and all thinking ‘WTF’ by the time the post coital cigarettes were being lit. 🙂 But other than a few decent one liners (‘best of’ below) and the expected quirky and off beat dialogue, a few typical OMG Burton moments, oh and some cool costumes and sets… there just wasn’t a lot of substance in this flashy pan of a film.

All from Barnabas Collins (of course Johnny Depp gets all the great dialogue!):

“Fifteen, and no husband? You must put those child-bearing hips to good use, lest your womb shrivel up and die.”

“Love means never having to say you’re sorry. However, it is with sincere regret that I must now kill all of you.”

“Here are my terms: Goest thou to hell, and swiftly please, and there may Azmodaeus himself suckle from your diseased teat!”

Very Happy With My Wash!

Posted on June 3, 2012 by borysSNORC

After all the bureaucratic bullshit that I had to endure to purchase a second sports pistol… finally the great state of Queensland in their infinite wisdom did bestow upon me the much coveted unicorn-like PTA that I’ve been waiting for. And ta-da!

I finally have my flash new pistol – a Beretta FS Inox 9mm – so that I can compete in centrefire competitions… and after only a mere 13 month wait too. It is this – excessive waiting periods and ridiculous delays due to bureaucratic bullshit and administrative red tape to acquire a firearm – and ONLY this, that has EVER made me wish that I lived in the US. Oh, and sometimes shopping/shipping shit is cheaper if you live in the continental US. 🙂

QPS Weapons Licensing Delays

I was actually quite surprised to see the ‘Made In Italy’ marks on the boxes and stamped on the slide seeing that Beretta have been mass manufacturing this model in the US for the US military for some time now. The general consensus is that there is no appreciable difference in the make quality. metallurgy, manufacture, feel, reliability and performance of either the Italian or American made versions of the pistol… and yet, from a lot of what I have read, the Italian made models seem to be selling at a bit of a premium compared to their American made counterparts. I imagine this has something to do with people’s preference for the Italian heritage when they purchase in what was/is essentially an Italian designed pistol (I know I prefer the ‘Made In Italy’ version, *shrug*). Though there are plenty of US servicemen out there of the forums saying they wouldn’t want an Italian one if you paid them! I guess they got used to seeing the USA stamped on the slide and wouldn’t want to it any other way.

I took it out to the range today to get a feel for it and see how I was handle it with my very little hands… and other than it being a bit stiff and new, I absolutely love it! A few times I was a bit tricked up because I’m not used to the DA/SA (double action/single action) trigger nonsense as the only centrefire I’m really familiar with is the 1911 STI Trojan and it of course is a rather different beastie. I’m sure I’ll get used to it in time and won’t find myself standing there like a noompty pulling the trigger only to find I’ve left the safety on! (The safety? What on earth is that? We never use them on our rimfire pistols!) The jury is still out on the rubber grips, but time will tell on that one. I’ve also had a bit of a chance to play around with it this afternoon and love how easy it is to take down. No wonder they chose it for a EDC military/law enforcement sidearm. It’s not ammo fussy, it’s beautiful and easy to shoot, and you can pull it apart in seconds just like they do in the movies! 😉 I’ll be stripping and assembling it blindfolded before you know it…. actually I can’t back that up.

One of my first lot of groupings… not too bad for a straight out of the box, never shot it before. It was shooting a little low and you can see I’ve tried to correct for it, but not bad. And the photo (below) is a later grouping after messing around with it for about half an hour… where I didn’t bother trying to correct that they were landing low. Still not sure how many shots went through that big hole, but gotta be pretty happy with that for a grouping.

All up, I am extremely happy with my wash and can’t wait to go out and play with it again! 🙂

The squeaky wheel gets the oil.

Posted on June 2, 2012 by borysSNORC

So, one more time and life proves out the theory that it is only the complainers and whingers of this world that get what they want when they want it. My PTA came through yesterday, but if I hadn’t lost my patience with the incompetent cretins down at WLB, and thrown more $10 words at them than your average public servant can handle without a dictionary and a flashlight, you can bet your bottom dollar I’d be waiting until next month!

And what was all the fuss about in the end? This:

It’s my new Beretta 92FS Inox 9mm centrefire pistol that will enable me to compete in a different category of competitions down at the pistol club. I am very excited to finally have it, and am very pleased that the government in their infinite wisdom has decided I’m no longer a risk to the community if I own more than one pistol for sports target shooting.

Only down side… I still have to continue harassing WLB until they can confirm they’ve found both copies of the missing paperwork with all my personal information contained therein!