Don’t blame me.
I don’t create the internet phenomenas
I just perpetuates them 😛
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TOTALLY NSFW…
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Monthly Archives: July 2009
You can’t always get what you want…. but sometimes you get what you deserve.
Over dinner tonight I thought I’d share a wee annecdote about my day. I’ve been running more errands today to buy stuff for the Hutti-Putti Room… this time a small fuckton of speaker wires and electrical plates etc. So I’ve been to Dickie Smith, VideoPro, Hardly Normal and Jaycar. Which is where I eventually found everything I needed so I’m not sure why I bothered with the other stops – though I did accidentally find a lovely rug in Hardly Normal that would go lovely with the new couches when they turn up and I’m already finding it hard to resist going back to buy it tomorrow even though I really don’t need it.
Anyway dinner conversation…
Borys: I have spent a goodly portion of my day today enveloped in a warm and fuzzy happiness of harmony for my fellow human beings.
Yale: What? Did you kill someone’s puppy?
Borys: What?? Oh that’s nice! Mr K?? Did you hear that?
Mr K: What’s that?
Borys: I just told Yale that I have spent a goodly portion of my day today wrapped in the warm and fuzzy happiness of harmony with my fellow human beings and he asked me if I killed someone’s puppy! 😐
Yale: Or maybe it was a kitten?
Mr K: Was it a chihuahua? did you use a fork?
Borys: What the hell?
Mr K: Someone in the US had a chihuahua with a BBQ fork stuck through it’s head… it was in the news today.
Yale: Oh yeah.. I saw that on news.com
Borys: No!!! Fuck what sort of weirdo do you people think I am?
Yale: Okay, okay… back to your story.
Borys: Right. I was driving along Vulture St in Wooloongabba coming back from Jaycar and was just coming up to the lights past the stadium which were red so I was slowing right down and moved into the right hand lane so that I wouldn’t be stuck behind a truck that was already stopped. Anyway the lights turned green just as I was getting to the intersection so I stomped on the accelerator only I was in third gear and hardly went anywhere. So as I’m chuffing along in third gear this woman in a silver car comes flying up behind me and I changed down to second and sped up so I could pull back in front of the truck to get out of her way. She went speeding past me even though I was probably doing about 65kpm by then. Then as we came over the little rise past the next lights I saw her jam on her brakes really hard… just as she saw the little policeman with his little radar gun and his bright yellow high-vis vest step out to direct her to the side of the road. I wound down my window and gave her a little wave as I drove past doing the speed limit and I tell you… it left me with a warm happy glow for the rest of the day. 🙂
I may be guilty of a little schadenfreude every now and then… but I’m not going to delight in dead puppies you sick bastards!!!
Working the list
Feels like everyday I have a list of "Stuff" to get done… .and lately feels like everyday hardly anything ever gets crossed off my damn list of "Stuff" to get done. Some things have been sitting on the "Stuff" list for so long now the cryptic little shorthand messages I’ve left myself as reminders no longer make sense to me and I wrote them!
But after yesterday writing about how I’ve been feeling like we’re all staring into the abyss I figured I was going to accomplish SOMETHING today and there would be things getting crossed off the "Stuff" list come hell or high water!!! (No pun intended given that I’ve just heard there’s a tsunami warning for the east coast of Australia).
So today I managed to:
Pick up the dry cleaning (three days late)
Enroll in History and Literature classes at Griffith Uni
Set up a Direct Debit payment and paperless bill for Phone bills
Send Centrestink an income estimate (shrug… something to do with Family tax stuff??)
Buy scrubbing brushes and a smoke alarm for extension work
Send off for quote on brass plaque for new room
Call security dude and tell him to shove his exorbitant quote where the sun don’t shine
Complete Notice of Intention to Defend Small Claims Debt doover from Chipmunks
Reschedule specialists appointment for next week
Get quotes for timber to make Bookcases of Doom (ZOMG… this stuff ain’t cheap)
Which would be grand if that were all that were on the list. But of course it isn’t and I’ll be back doing bullshit life administration and shopping for things I know nothing about (ie – any and every building related item we require) tomorrow!
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“We’ll all be rooned,” said Hanrahan…
Is there not a single soul amongst us whose life is untroubled by some soul destroying crap of one colour or another? It feels like everyone I talk to of late is desperately scrambling to keep their head above the various dire life changing piles of shit that appear to be raining down upon all of us in alarming quantities and with equally alarming regulatiry!
– Erick the Half a Bee and his wife have last week received papers from their daughter in law claiming they abused their son as a child. Literally a conversation about a tragic incident in which a pot of boiled potatoes accidentally spilled down their son’s back when he was about ten has been entered into an affidavit – a legal document – as court evidence of childhood abuse! Who the fuck is this psychotic chick my cousin married that she could say that awful accident was deliberate!!!
– Another old friend Rev. Pete Repeat who I caught up with a little while ago tells me he had herniated some discs in his spine last year and while recovering from orthopedic surgery suffered a heart attack (at 39!!!) resulting in triple bi-pass heart surgery after which he caught a chest cold that resulted in a punctured lung and 12 months of convalescence and a pacemaker later he now feels like he can finally breathe properly.
– And then there’s the wonderfully generous and unbelievably caring Karen who has been dealing with her husband being in and out of psychaiatric hospital all year for seemingly ineffective electroconvulsive shock therapy treatments for the debilitating chronic depression he’s been suffering for nearly a decade now…. how she hangs in there I don’t know.
– An old work colleague from some 15 years ago Mr Wolf called me out of the blue today and tells me that he and his lovely wife have separated and their three kids are stuck in the middle of what is shaping up to be a rather acrimonious custody/divorce case.
– Today I call one of my dearest friends and much loved travel companion Bluddy Mary, only to hear that she has just this week been informed that her brother has been diagnosed with advanced bowel and liver cancer and to say his prognosis is not good is an understatement of vast proportions. He’s only 49 years old.
But it goes on and on… someone else I know looks to be heading for divorce court because her quasi-philandering husband is positively delusional. Mr K is being sued by the tree lopping idiots who didn’t complete the work they promised. Another guy I know has recently had to move out of his own house because his partner wouldn’t back him up when dealing with her bludging adult children who’ve been sponging off them for ages. And BigSal spent most of the last few weeks thinking her 4 year old daughter, Fishy Bob who has a mysterious growth in her leg might have had an epitheliod sarcoma. And then there’s Equinom whose family are constantly struggling with a schizophrenic and occasionally homicidal brother/son whose alter personality says that an unplugged phone or TV talks to him…. and…. and…. and….
… and I’m just going about my normal pain filled, drug fucked days wondering why we fucking bother to keep going. So for pity’s sake if ANYONE has ANYTHING nice or positive going on in their life…. please leave me a comment or drop me an email or something, anything but no more tales of woe.
_______________________________________
SAID HANRAHAN
by John O’Brien (1878 – 1952)
"We’ll all be rooned," said Hanrahan,
In accents most forlorn,
Outside the church, ere Mass began,
One frosty Sunday morn.
The congregation stood about,
Coat-collars to the ears,
And talked of stock, and crops, and drought,
As it had done for years.
"It’s looking crook," said Daniel Croke;
"Bedad, it’s cruke, me lad,
For never since the banks went broke
Has seasons been so bad."
"It’s dry, all right," said young O’Neil,
With which astute remark
He squatted down upon his heel
And chewed a piece of bark.
And so around the chorus ran
"It’s keepin’ dry, no doubt."
"We’ll all be rooned," said Hanrahan,
"Before the year is out."
"The crops are done; ye’ll have your work
To save one bag of grain;
From here way out to Back-o’-Bourke
They’re singin’ out for rain.
"They’re singin’ out for rain," he said,
"And all the tanks are dry."
The congregation scratched its head,
And gazed around the sky.
"There won’t be grass, in any case,
Enough to feed an ass;
There’s not a blade on Casey’s place
As I came down to Mass."
"If rain don’t come this month," said Dan,
And cleared his throat to speak –
"We’ll all be rooned," said Hanrahan,
"If rain don’t come this week."
A heavy silence seemed to steal
On all at this remark;
And each man squatted on his heel,
And chewed a piece of bark.
"We want an inch of rain, we do,"
O’Neil observed at last;
But Croke "maintained" we wanted two
To put the danger past.
"If we don’t get three inches, man,
Or four to break this drought,
We’ll all be rooned," said Hanrahan,
"Before the year is out."
In God’s good time down came the rain;
And all the afternoon
On iron roof and window-pane
It drummed a homely tune.
And through the night it pattered still,
And lightsome, gladsome elves
On dripping spout and window-sill
Kept talking to themselves.
It pelted, pelted all day long,
A-singing at its work,
Till every heart took up the song
Way out to Back-o’-Bourke.
And every creek a banker ran,
And dams filled overtop;
"We’ll all be rooned," said Hanrahan,
"If this rain doesn’t stop."
And stop it did, in God’s good time;
And spring came in to fold
A mantle o’er the hills sublime
Of green and pink and gold.
And days went by on dancing feet,
With harvest-hopes immense,
And laughing eyes beheld the wheat
Nid-nodding o’er the fence.
And, oh, the smiles on every face,
As happy lad and lass
Through grass knee-deep on Casey’s place
Went riding down to Mass.
While round the church in clothes genteel
Discoursed the men of mark,
And each man squatted on his heel,
And chewed his piece of bark.
"There’ll be bush-fires for sure, me man,
There will, without a doubt;
We’ll all be rooned," said Hanrahan,
"Before the year is out."
Conspicuous absence…
I’ve not been on here a lot lately. That’s not to say I haven’t been at the PC… I have … A LOT. It’s just that over the last two months I’ve gone from spending my spare time online reading my friend’s blogs and catching up on world news to shopping for steel, concrete, hire equipment, bricks, roof tiles, timber, double glazed windows, gyprock, cornice, stud adhesive, flat hammers, nail plates, electrial wiring, light fittings, switches, ethernet cables, furniture quality timber, carpets, lounge suites etc, etc, etc.
The list goes on and on and on and on and on.
I’ve positively hammered my Visa card with all this and was any moment expecting to see the ANZ Falcon swoop down and cut me off… and what a comedy of errors (read: horrors) that would set in motion. Though on the upside at this rate I’ll have no trouble whatsoever in getting enough frequent flyer points saved up to fly business class to London for the Slappers Grand Reunion Tour of Europe in 2015. I have to admit though I am actually getting more than a little sick of shopping online given that none of it feels like ‘real’ shopping (by which I mean there’s been nary a bottle of nailpolish in any of my ‘shopping carts’ 🙂
There’s no child labour laws in Qld are there?
Mr K looking happy.
(his head must be still only around 6′ off the ground).
6’9" tall + ridiculously small roof cavities = Ow! Ow! Ow! Fuckity ow!!!
On the upside – it is starting to look like a room
And almost like it’s been there forever already how weird is that?
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