Abandon the search for truth and settle for a good fantasy.

I don’t have an overly vivid fantasy life.  I don’t mean I’m not imaginative or creative because I am both these things.  What I’m referring to is sexual fantasies I guess.   I’ve never fantasized about specific people, places, things or situations.  I’ve never really dreamed of being with a certain celebrity or distant and unobtainable acquaintance.  I’m not into porn and usually react with curiosity rather than arousal when confronted with it.  I’ve never created elaborate scenarios in my mind that turn me on.  I’ve never even imagined myself with someone other than the person I’m with…  just nothing like that at all really.

I know!  How boring am I?

Mostly I don’t give a shit and I think it stems from the fact that I’m just too damn grounded in reality to waste engery waxing lyrical about unlikely or purely hypothetical crap.  I have maybe one or two flights of fancy floating around in my subconscious that no doubt stem from seemingly innocent things in my formative years that have somehow taken up residence in the ‘Hey.. I think that could be kinda fun ;)’ neighbourhood in my brain… but ultimately it’s nothing worth writing home about.

A few people I know have very vivid sexual fantasies that become so integral to who they are that they seem to define their entire beings by them.  You know what I mean?  This person doesn’t just say ‘I’ve got a bit of a foot fetish’… no this person says ‘I’m a foot fetishist’ like that is so large a part of who they are that they feel they can sum themselves up entirely with just that descriptor.  I know people who have incredibly creative fantasies… Rule 34, people!).   They nurture their fantasies, they embellish them, they vocalize them, they write them down and many often set about turning them into realities.

dreams explored fantasy“If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies” – Fran Lebowitz

I’ve had quite a few friends ‘confess’ their secret fantasies to me over the years.  ‘Confess’ is the word we – and they – tend to use especially if it’s about something out in Sprinkle Territory.  You know Sprinkle Territory… yes?  It’s not totally mainstream or Vanilla but it’s not so socially unacceptable or illegal that they won’t discuss it at all.  So it’s mostly Vanilla but sometimes they secretly want some interesting little Sprinkles on their Vanilla…. maybe also with cherries, latex, chocolate chips, red ribbons, lattes and buttplugs.   Some of my friends (who shall remain nameless to protect the extremely perverted 🙂 have very surreal and sophisticated and sometimes surprisingly specific fantasies and fetishes and they’re prepared to expend all sorts of energy and resources to incorporate into their lives.

Being one of those friends that people find it easy to discuss personal things with can be a bit of a double edged sword – it’s a good thing if a friend really needs to talk confidentially about their inner desires without fear of reproach but it’s also a really fucking bad thing if a friend turns out to be some sort of fucked up, delusional, self aggrandizing drama queen who wants to draw you into their own special little nightmare and suck the very life blood out of you.

Apparently I am one of ‘those friends’ that people find it easy to talk to about… ‘stuff’.   Which I think is weird given that I know I’m not always that easy to get to know.  I know come across as a bit aloof or prickly sometimes (Yes… and THAT will no doubt be understatement of the year).  Anyway, I think people talk to me not because I’m an especially good listener (becuase I’m not – I think talk too much and am way too opinionated for that tag) but rather because I’m generally not very judgemental.  Well not judgemental of others… judging myself is another therapy session entirely.  I’ve always seemed to just accept people as they are and based on how they interact with me personally.  I don’t tend to make rapid kneejerk judgement calls and my usual response to someone telling me they’re way off into some uncharted and unfamiliar plot in Sprinkle Territory is curiosity rather than condemnation or discrimination.

I’ll research and Google stuff (always with a certain amount of trepidation) so I can maybe try to understand their particular proclivity and what motivates them but it’s always a purely academic exercise and I’ve yet to see anything that has me thinking… ‘Oh hells yes!’  and every now and then I find mysef a little envious of those friends and their very vivid and explicitly erotic imaginings and I think to myself…

‘Hey!  Where’s my Honey Smacks?  How come I don’t seem to have any Sprinkles?’

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