I’m so over the line :(

Posted on January 15, 2008 by borysSNORC

I realized the other day that I was late… really late. About three weeks late. Which probably explains the white rabbit. But after stewing about the ‘what ifs’ for a couple of days I thought I better do the test even though the odds were positively miniscule. Test was negative…. luckily because I can not even begin to imagine what the effects of all the drugs I’ve taking would be.

I can’t believe how ridiculous life can become – so many times I got to the end of an IVF cycle and had to do the little test, my hopes all hinging on that second little line appearing. But it never did.,,, and I wanted it… I really really wanted that second little pink line so bad. I went through so much pain and bullshit trying to get that second little pink line to appear.

Yet today… it was the last thing I wanted.

Actually. No. That’s not entirely true. If I am honest with myself I have to admit that part of me was still desperately wishing for that second pink line. Had the result been positive I would have been very worried about the medications, but I also know that I would have been overjoyed at the prospect. Such an emotional minefield and I feel completely conflicted about it.
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Duly noted for future reference.

Posted on January 14, 2008 by borysSNORC

Urgh! What a day. I’ve been moping around the house all day feeling rather sore and more than a little bit seedy. I’m fairly confident that the ‘seedy’ bit was precipitated by an ill advised evening cocktail that started with a couple of Tramadol and half a bottle of red wine and finished with three… maybe four cups of port and a Valium chaser. I think it’s also fairly safe to say that the aforementioned soreness results from sleeping the deep motionless and REM-less sleep of the well and truly trashed. :S

Alas, even with more than the daily recommended dose of perception altering substances under my belt, I manage barely 5 or so hours of sleep and awoke to dry mouthedness (from the Endep), headachy (no doubt from the alcohol), so stiff I couldn’t stand up straight (from being too still all night) and slightly dopey (from the Valium). After forcing myself into an upright position, I hobbled to the kitchen to get a heat pack and a cup of tea only to find the floor disgustingly sticky from an incident involving a less than steady Borys, a bottle of V and the tiled kitchen floor. 🙁

And that kinda set the tone for the day really….

So with none to blame but myself for my Big Day O’ Blah which even a Big Yellow Dim Sim couldn’t cure, I’ve made a resolution to lay off the meds should I decide in future to use the time honored method of drowning one’s pain with alcohol. But I guess it’s worth noting that I’ve never made a resolution yet that I’ve managed to keep for any length of time.

Unless you count my long standing resolution to draw the line at goats… that one I’ve never had trouble sticking to.
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How bizarre… How bizarre.

Posted on January 13, 2008 by borysSNORC

I think it’s safe to say that one the strangest thing about keeping this journal is that whenever I sit down and start thinking about my day and deciding what to I’m going to write about I inexplicably have an old Dave Dundas song going through my head –

When I wake up
In the morning light
I put on my jeans and I feel alright
I pull my blue jeans on 
I pull my old blean jeans on
I pull my blue jeans on 
I pull my old blean jeans on

I’ve not actually heard this song for years – it’s not in my collection and I’m pretty sure they’re not playing that crap on the radio, So where does it come from? And why do I get it stuck in my head while I am trying to write stuff? :S
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Is Ahmets… is good.

Posted on January 13, 2008 by borysSNORC

Dragged the family out for dinner last night and seeing how it was my birthday and I was the instigator for this particular dining expedition – we went for Turkish at Ahmets in Balmoral. The place has obviously built quite a reputation of late. Last time we were there the place was half empty and it was a quiet laid back sort of ambiance which didn’t resemble last night’s dining experience at all, as the place was packed and had people milling around out front waiting for a table, the wait staff were hustling and a belly dancing chickie rocked up at some point wearing more pink than I would have though humanly possible for someone so scantily clad, (Angel was entranced by her… pretty girl, voluptuous figure, plenty of bling and man did she have the moves!)

The restaurant has all the trappings of a genuine Turkish restaurant except for the chairs and cushions in the place. They’ve gone for the backless stools and benches for a lot of the tables and they’re all covered in garish Turkish patterned fabrics rather than old woven Turkish rugs as you would find in Turkey, Probably little easier to wash and wear no doubt and a helluva lot cheaper than importing those massive rug covered cushions we saw everywhere in Turkey.

The food was excellent and resembled many of our dining experiences in Turkey but for one small difference…. the prices of course. I had the Iskender kebap and when I was in Turkey that dish usually cost between 6-9 YTL (which was about 1:1 YTLs for AUS$) and last nights Iskender was AUS$22.50.

All up it was a great night out, loads of fun.
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…love may transform me to an oyster…

Posted on January 12, 2008 by borysSNORC

I love the word ‘pernicious’ – not a lot of call for it in everyday conversation … but one does what one can 🙂 It’s been on the fridge for the last week and I haven’t managed to make it into conversation this week :S.

Beatrice:
I wonder that you will still be talking, Signior Benedick. Nobody marks you.
Benedick:
What, my dear Lady Disdain! are you yet living?
Beatrice:
Is it possible Disdain should die while she hath such meet food to feed it as Signior Benedick? Courtesy itself must convert to disdain if you come in her presence.
Benedick:
Then is courtesy a turncoat. But it is certain I am loved of all ladies, only you excepted; and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart, for truly I love none.
Beatrice:
A dear happiness to women! They would else have been troubled with a pernicious suitor. I thank God and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that. I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me.
Benedick:
God keep your ladyship still in that mind! So some gentleman or other shall scape a predestinate scratch’d face.
Beatrice:
Scratching could not make it worse an ’twere such a face as yours were.

per·ni·cious /pərˈnɪʃəs/ –adjective
1. causing insidious harm or ruin; ruinous; injurious; hurtful: pernicious teachings; a pernicious lie.
2. deadly; fatal: a pernicious disease.
3. Obsolete. evil; wicked.