Isn’t it amazing how we can look at our friends, and see them so totally differently to how they perceive themselves. Often I like to think they’re all deluded and I know better! 🙂 (just kidding) It’s particularly odd how we like to project ‘happiness’ onto our friends, when it’s impossible to know if someone else is happy – hard enough to know if we’re happy within ourselves I think. I think it is a fairly safe assumption that hardly any of us go wandering through our lives feeling, being or knowing we are ‘happy’. For the most part, I don’t. I sometimes catch myself in certain moments and fleetingly realise that I’m happy. It’s usually little things, things that are easily overlooked or forgotten –
….. in the middle of laughing hysterically over something absurd,
….. standing out in a summer thunderstorm, rain drops falling on my face
….. the sun on my back on a cold morning with a hot cup of tea
….. lazily stretching out my back after sex 🙂
….. trying to keep up with half a dozen IM chats at once with friends
….. looking into the smiling eyes of someone you love
….. enjoying a quiet solitary moment with a glass of port
Little things like that… and occasionally I catch myself being calm, and acknowledge for that tiny little fleeting moment I’m happy – or at least for that second, I am able to over look the stresses and disappointments in my life. But they’re quick little fuckers – blink and you miss them. Seems as soon as the awareness of momentary happiness cross your consciousness… it’s gone. I find it perplexing that my worries or concerns can dominate my waking thoughts for hours, days and even weeks on end – but the things that make me feel happy manage only to surface momentarily.
Mostly I don’t think of myself as an excessively happy person. I don’t wander around smiling a lot, I don’t have a very generous sense of humour, I’m very demanding (on myself most of all), and have a tendency to ‘worry’ at things… everything.
