I heard the most fantastic story last night…. and laughed so hard, my face was aching 🙂
A friend of mine was telling me that he recently had a liaison (I use the term loosely) with his current little fuck buddy. He calls her that cos they’re friends of a sort, but they are definitely not in a romantic relationship… they just get together from time to time to shag… as you do. Anyway, he met up with her the other night and tells me that everything was pretty ‘normal’ until there was a ‘condom incident’. Upon enquiry I discovered that he’d accidentally pulled out of his condom stash… a condom that has some mild desensitizing effects – it’s slightly thicker than normal and has some sort of strange menthol stuff in it and they’re designed to give a guy a bit of extra endurance (slamming indictment right there that he owns some in the first place!!!) And then he gave me a rather animated run down on how he often has trouble getting off when he’s with this girlie anyway, cos he’s just not that ‘into’ her in the first place….. and now here he was wearing a condom designed to stop a guy from ‘going off’ too soon! Which I thought was kinda funny…
So apparently, he didn’t realize what sort of condom he had picked up at the time and then he told me about how he ‘couldn’t get off and was doing her for so long that the fuckin’ thing started to get a bit loose’, so he decided to get a fresh condom…. which of course meant a second application of the densensitizing goo!! So I’m trying real hard to be sympathetic, but mostly I’m trying not to laugh too much and thinking … it serves you right for shaggin’ someone you’re not that attracted to in the first place just cos they’re there and it’s on offer! The poor bugger ‘stays on the job’ for about 40 mins from what I understand, at which point, his hapless victim cries off for being too sore, and offers to finish him off ;)….. which I think is overly generous of her under the circucmstances…. and now we’ve got this poor girl on her knees trying her hardest to over come his slightly numb and now slightly travel worn appendage until she eventually begs off from that too, saying her lips are going numb…. but strangely minty fresh! LOL
And after the recounting was done… I’m left looking at my friend who is wearing a rather hang dog expression and hoping for some empathy cos he never ‘got his end away’ and all I can do is laugh in his face!!! No doubt there’s a few lessons in this for everyone… but all I can think of right now is his own rather dry assessment of the situation – that being told you have cock breath may not always be an insult!